Which state are you in now? The 'Two Forms' of Quarter-Life Crisis | 26-Year-Old's Confusion ②

Hello, this is Mito Sakura.

This note, 'Ten to Sen_', is a third place where I can leave fragments of my thoughts, seeds of questions, things I've researched, and things I've tried, just as I am.

Today is a continuation of the last post. Using the two forms of 'Quarter-Life Crisis'—'Locked Out' and 'Locked In'—as a guide, I'm going to write while organizing the confusion I'm currently feeling and thinking about where I am right now.

▼Last time, I thought through the five phases of the quarter-life crisis.

Locked Out/Locked In: The Two Forms of Quarter-Life Crisis

Now, about 'Locked Out/Locked In.'

Articles that appear at the top when you search for 'quarter-life crisis' often explain the 'five phases' I considered last time. This seems to be the subject of a 2010 paper by Oliver Robinson, a leading researcher on the quarter-life crisis.

On the other hand, another clue to the quarter-life crisis, which is a keyword in a paper he published in 2015, is this 'Locked Out/Locked In' concept.

To put it another way, 'Locked Out' is described as a state of 'feeling like you haven't become a proper adult,' and 'Locked In' as a state of 'feeling trapped in being an adult and losing sight of your true self.'

Even when we say 'quarter-life crisis,' it seems there are patterns: one where you lose yourself by being overly trapped in and fulfilling the role of an 'adult,' and another where you struggle with the social challenge of not being able to become an 'adult.'

Struggling because you are trying to be/are an 'adult' is also a quarter-life crisis.

This might be a bit of a digression, but I suddenly thought while researching this that the song 'Otonachic' by Gesu no Kiwami Otome might perfectly depict a person in the midst of a quarter-life crisis, swaying between being locked out and locked in.

▼Lyrics for Gesu no Kiwami Otome's 'Otonachic'

▼Music Video

Around the time that song was popular, I had a discussion with a classmate about 'What is an adult?', so the question 'What is an adult?' still smolders in a corner of my heart along with the song.

Because I keep thinking about what an adult is like that, I don't feel like I can become a 'proper adult with social responsibilities.' (Closer to Locked Out)

However, I also feel that mentally, I have become an adult (perhaps more mature than in my early 20s?). It's a patchy state.

...Thinking about it this way, I start to feel that perhaps a 'proper adult with social responsibilities' is just an idea and doesn't actually exist...

People who look like adults to me because of how they work, live, speak, and act might not be amazing adults at all, and perhaps they aren't really thinking about being an 'adult' either.

Or perhaps, even in the midst of days that aren't going well or feel dull, being able to hold onto that as part of your whole self (without labeling such a state as 'I haven't become an adult yet') is what makes someone look like an adult?

But then again, isn't it wrong to just give up and escape toward an easier path? Doesn't the thought cross your mind that you should aim to be that kind of adult? (Is this a mindset close to 'lock-in,' trying to be an adult?)

However, I feel like this is a cognitive distortion caused by a strong code of conduct to 'be better.' Is not pursuing 'adulthood' different from escaping? Is it an escape to keep mulling over 'what is an adult?' and failing to become one?

If you try to become an 'adult' and the more you ask 'well, what is an adult?', the more you end up aiming for 'adulthood' forever, which, conversely, might lead to a state of 'lock-out' where you can't fully become a 'proper adult'?

It seems there is a trap where you fall into a 'lock-out' state precisely because you think about it more than others while trying to become an 'adult'.

As for 'lock-in,' perhaps it feels like, while you have reached a point where you can naturally choose to be mentally mature and suppress your own convenience, you eventually lose sight of yourself while prioritizing others?

If I don't come to terms with this state, I feel like I might regret it later, thinking, 'I should have been honest with my feelings back then...'

I don't experience 'lock-in' very often, but I do have a sense that when I try to become an adult by telling myself 'it's no use worrying about things like this,' I end up putting a lid on my own worries, making it harder to see myself.

I try to think, 'That's just how it is,' 'Everyone else is being more useful to others than I am in the time they would spend worrying about such things,' and 'I should try to do that instead of only looking at myself.'

However, I end up feeling like something is not quite right, or that something is smoldering deep in my heart.

Working as an adult, taking responsibility for human relationships as an adult... if you can't manage the distance from these things well, it seems you end up in a state called a quarter-life crisis.

Lock-out or lock-in. Which one is it?

Up until now, I have researched what 'lock-out' and 'lock-in' states are and have written down my own interpretations.

Which one applies more to your own state?

In my case, I am in a very 'lock-out' state, as if I am afraid of the 'lock-in' state.
This might be influenced by having been raised with the idea that 'it's important to have a strong sense of self!'

As I mentioned earlier, the question of 'what does it mean to be an adult...' is still an undigested question that I haven't been able to come to terms with yet.

Conversely, perhaps the time when I can move forward with a firm stance on the question 'what is it to be an adult?' will be the time when I can escape the conflicting structure of 'being an adult' versus 'being myself' and feel clear-headed.

I wonder if I can become like that as I think about it from now on. I hope so.
Right now, I can't see what lies beyond facing this confusion and taking action, but I believe that I will surely be able to come to terms with it.

I will continue to write about the process of me overcoming my quarter-life crisis on Note.

It would be interesting to see the thought process of coming to terms with these feelings of uncertainty.
I intend to enjoy thinking things through so that I can keep moving forward without being swallowed up by this uncertainty.

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This note is where I will:

• Reflect on things I suddenly stop to think about in my daily life

• My own personal confusion

• Trial and error, and what I've learned

and put them into words, little by little.

I would be happy if I could share the insights and lessons I've gained along the way with someone else who is searching for answers to similar questions.

And if your heart is moved even a little, please do hit the 'like' and 'follow' buttons 🌷

Thank you for reading until the end.