"What I Wanted, What I Was Given vol.3-5" - Creative Award 2025 (Essay Category) Entry - (Posted 6/7)

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Introduction

Concept of the work

"What I Wanted, What I Was Given"

While at first glance it speaks of "what I wished for was not given," it actually explores the idea that "what I truly needed was given." When one can honestly accept the polar realities of "the gap between human wishes and what life provides," perhaps a door to new values opens beyond that deep insight. 🤔💭 Through this insight, what feels like "lack" or "deficiency" from a human perspective might actually be necessary for "growth" and "realization" when viewed from a higher vantage point and a broader perspective. 🤔💭"What I wished for was not given"actually, in fact"What I truly needed was given"

"The gap between human wishes and what life provides"

"Lack" or "deficiency""Growth" and "realization"

It is also true that people seek "power" and "success," but what they are actually given is often "weakness" and "failure." However, that "gap" might be what creates the depth of life. 🤔💭 I would like to compile such poems into a story-driven essay and make it a work that clearly contrasts "what I wanted" and "what I was given." 🤗"Power" or "success""Weakness" or "failure""Gap""What I wanted, and what I was given"

Memo📝
As of 6/5/2025, there are exactly 20 essays themed around "What I Wanted, What I Was Given." As a milestone, I have decided to submit a short essay. ☺️"What I Wanted, What I Was Given"

Image art of the work

Figure of a woman: A pose capturing the moment of "reaching for the answers of life in stillness." What are her two palms trying to feel? It symbolizes the duality of "the right hand trying to grasp what is desired" and "the left hand quietly receiving what is given.""Reaching for the answers of life in stillness"
"The right hand trying to grasp what is desired""The left hand quietly receiving what is given"duality

The woven pattern of the kimono features nebulae-like galaxies and ripples, depicting a "cosmic fabric" that contains the complex layers of life's trajectory—namely, hope, choice, complexity, and return. The white flower in her hair symbolizes "wishes," while simultaneously representing the duality of being prepared to "scatter."hope, choice, complexity, and returncosmic fabric"Wishes"
"Scattering"duality

The halo and spiral floating in the background represent a perspective from outside this world. Although we always live within the point of
subjectivity, the geometry spreading behind her quietly tells us that, in reality, a larger trajectory—the given Kairos time—is flowing behind it.

✍️ Linking Concept and Art

I created this art as a powerful metaphor to provide visual depth to the message of this story's concept:
It was not what I wanted, but it was what I needed
.

• The palm that seeks and the palm that receives

• The gorgeous kimono and the meditative gaze hidden within

• Flowers as desire and the beauty of accepting the fate of falling

• Dynamic background and static presence

Everything converges on the theme that the truth of life resides precisely in the margin of discrepancy.

✍️ Relevance to 'The Power of Harmony with Heterogeneous Elements'

"What I Wished For and What I Was Given"
Warpandweftcombined to
weaveistextile (fabric), this iswoven fabric

in terms of this theme, if
what I wished foris thewarp, then
what I was givenis theweft

thiswarpandweftcombined to
weave is anessay (story)

what I wished forandwhat I was given (not what I wished for)
the "gap" between these two poles"gap", through theessayiswoven

In other words,the "gap" between the two poles is a "two-in-one"☯️. That is, it is the very essence of BLUE's values: "
the power of harmony with the heterogeneous"☺️

(Reference Article)

💎Published Works💎

"What I Wished For, What I Was Given - Life and Parting" vol.3

I prayed for the life of my loved one.
Hoping we could be together for even a little longer.
But it did not last forever.
It was a parting far from satisfying, one that was too soon and sudden.

What I was given was...

***

I stood by the hospital room window, watching the setting sun through a gap in the white curtains.
The orange light faintly dyed the inorganic white walls of the hospital room.

"It's beautiful, isn't it?"

A raspy voice echoed from behind.

When I turned around, the person on the bed was smiling.
A smile that was weak, yet somehow seemed fulfilled.
I tried to smile back, but something caught in the back of my throat, and I couldn't find the words.

I want to be with you longer.
I want to talk more.
There is more I want to tell you.

Even though I wish for it so much, why does time pass so mercilessly?
Why do my prayers go unanswered?

***

"Hey, do you remember? That path lined with cherry trees."

A soft voice shook the silence.
I nodded silently.

"When spring came, we used to walk there together, didn't we?"

I could only nod.

Cherry blossom petals danced, clinging to your shoulders and to my hair in abundance.

I remember that day.
The light flickered, the wind blew, and we were wrapped in a world of cherry blossom color.
I kept wishing this time would last forever.

Hey, I...

The voice trailed off.

Desperately holding back my tears, I managed to reply,
Yeah, what is it?

Thank you.

It sounded just like a final farewell, and I became afraid.
This isn't the kind of parting I wished for.
I wanted to welcome so many, many more springs together with you.

And yet, what I was given was—.

***

The spring wind blows.
I walk alone down the path lined with cherry trees.

I gaze at a petal that has drifted softly onto my shoulder and gently take it into my hand.

Hey, do you remember?

I asked, though not to anyone in particular.

...Yeah, I remember.

The wind brushes against my cheek.

—Not a single thing I wished for was given to me.
But you were certainly here.
And even now, you live within me.

What I was given are memories, and the days that will continue from here on out.

I began to walk slowly.

The casual conversations with loved ones, the simple gestures, and all the everyday moments we take for granted will surely become treasures someday.
May the time you spend with your loved ones be warm and irreplaceable 🫶 by BLUE

What I Wished For, What I Was Given - Memory and Oblivion vol.4

The first time I felt something was off was at breakfast.
As I sat at the table as usual and went to bring the steaming soup to my mouth, I felt a sense of unease about the plate in front of me.

...Who made this, again?

My family member is smiling. She whispers gently, "I did." But something is wrong.
I stare at her face. It is certainly a face I know. Yet, the name does not come to me immediately.
I force a smile so she won't notice my panic and slowly bring the spoon to my mouth.
Even though the taste spreading on my tongue is the same, the memory of the person who made it is fading away.

Is this how things will slowly slip away, bit by bit?

At first, it was trivial things like dates or appointments.
Gradually, yesterday's events became vague, and what happened a week ago vanished beyond the fog.
One day, I opened an album lined up on the living room shelf.
Myself, my family, my friends in the pictures. Happy expressions.
I trace one photo with my fingertip.

Who is she in this photo?

Something pierces deep inside my chest.
I don't know. She must have been someone important.

I can't remember.

A trembling voice escapes me. The fragments of memory that should be right in front of me are slipping through my fingers like sand.
I want to remember, but I can't. Even as I reach out desperately, searching every corner of my heart, I cannot grasp what should be there.
Impatience, anxiety, and fear tighten my chest.

Will I still be me?

Losing my memories might mean that my very existence is fading away.
Will the proof of the life I have lived and the warmth of the people I have loved all disappear?

...It's okay.

A warm hand gently wraps around mine.
When I look up, the woman from before—no, my wife—is smiling.
She keeps holding my hand gently and says quietly,

Even if you forget, I will remember.

The back of my eyes stings with heat.
Perhaps forgetting does not mean being alone.
Even if the day comes when I forget myself, there is someone who will remember me.
If that person continues to hold onto the proof of my life.

Perhaps I am not truly alone.

Memories fade away.
Even so, I was given something.
Beyond the wish of "I don't want to forget"—the warmth of someone who supports me even if I do.

“What I Wished For, What I Was Given - Peace and War” vol.5

I wished for peace.
I hoped for a world without conflict.

But what spreads out before me is a mountain of rubble, a city wrapped in flames, and the cries of people screaming.
The sound of bombing never ceases.
The smell of blood mingles with the wind, and the sky is covered in gray smoke.

What I was given—was war.

Between the Wall and the Egg

Haruki Murakami once said.

The wall is the state, power, institutions, and military force.
The egg is each individual living there, their families, and their children.

Israel and Palestine.
The wall and the egg.
Those who have power and those who do not.

People say:
“Israel has the right to defend itself.”
“Palestine has the right to resist.”

When justice clashes with justice, does it truly lead to peace?

Some take up arms for the sake of justice.
Some pick up guns to avenge their loved ones.
Under the banner of justice, war is justified, and the cycle of retaliation never stops.

The strong and the weak, which one is right?

The world is spoken of in binary terms.
Israel vs. Palestine.
Judaism vs. Islam.
Survival of the state vs. survival of the people.
Terrorists vs. freedom fighters.

“Which one is right?”
People easily seek an answer, but there is no one who can answer that.

War is not a battle between good and evil, but a collision between good and good.

The Israeli soldier is fighting to protect their country.
The Palestinian fighter is fighting to reclaim their land.

Both have families and wish to protect those they love.
Both follow their own cause and live days side-by-side with death.

—Yet, people kill each other.

The more I wish for peace

“Fighting for peace”
“Eliminating the enemy for peace”
“Retaliating for peace”

The more I wish for peace, the deeper the war sinks into a quagmire.
Even if one side calls for a ceasefire, the other refuses, saying, “Now is the time for retaliation.”
This hatred, which has continued for decades and centuries, may no longer be stoppable by anyone.

We had wished for peace.
And yet, why does the world lean so heavily toward war?

What I was given

If I had been born in a different country—
Which side’s soldier would I have become?
Which side’s justice would I have believed in?

What I was given was to live in a peaceful country called Japan.
Without hearing the sounds of bombing on a battlefield, without tasting the terror of an air raid,
I was given a place where I can freely weave words.

Perhaps that is a blessing.
But at the same time, it means I was also given the violence of ignorance—the ability to “not have to know.”

What can I do?
Should I remain a bystander who wishes for peace but does not even speak of war?

Or—
At the very least, not take this peace I have now for granted.
Not forget that this peace I have obtained is built upon the sacrifices of others.

That may be the very least of my responsibilities for what I was “given” as someone living in this country.

[End]