"What I Wanted, What I Was Given vol.15-17" - Creative Award 2025 (Essay Category) Entry - (Posted 6/11)

Click here for BLUE's entry map💁

Introduction

Concept of the work

"What I Wanted, What I Was Given"

At first glance, while saying "I was not given what I wished for," one might actually be able to accept the dual reality of "I was given what I truly needed"

"the gap between human wishes and what life provides" once they can honestly accept both extremes. Perhaps when that happens, a door to new values will open beyond that deep insight. 🤔💭 Through insight, what feels like

"lack" or "deficiency" from a human perspective might actually be necessary for "growth" and "realization" when viewed from a higher vantage point and a broader perspective. 🤔💭

It is also true that people seek "power" or "success," but what they are actually given is often "weakness" or "failure." But that "gap" might be what creates the depth of life. 🤔💭 I would like to compile such poems into a story-style essay and make it so that the contrast between

"What I wanted and what I was given" becomes clear. 🤗

Note📝
As of 6/5/2025, there are exactly 20 essays themed around "What I Wanted, What I Was Given." As a milestone, I have decided to submit a short essay. ☺️

Image art of the work

Figure of a woman: "Reaching for the answer to life in the midst of serenity" A figure capturing the moment. What are her two palms trying to feel? It symbolizes the
duality of "the right hand trying to grasp what it desires" and "the left hand quietly receiving what it has been given."

The woven pattern of the kimono features nebulae-like galaxies and ripples, depicting a "cosmic fabric" that contains the complex layers of life's trajectory—namely, hope, choice, complexity, and return. The white flower in her hair symbolizes
"wishes" while also representing the duality of being prepared for "fading away."

The halo and spiral floating in the background indicate a perspective from outside this world. Although we always live within the point of
subjectivity, the geometry spreading out behind her quietly tells us that, in reality, a larger trajectory—the Kairos time that has been granted to us—is flowing there.

✍️ Linking Concept and Art

I created this art as a powerful metaphor to provide visual depth to the message of this story's concept:
It wasn't what I wanted, but it was what I needed
.

• The palm that seeks and the palm that receives

• The gorgeous kimono and the meditative gaze hidden within

• Flowers as desire and the beauty of accepting the fate of falling

• The dynamic background and the static presence

Everything converges on the theme that the truth of life resides precisely within the margin of discrepancy.

✍️ Relevance to 'The Power of Harmony with the Heterogeneous'

"What I Wanted and What I Was Given"
Warpandweftcombined to
weaveistextile (cloth), this isfabric

In terms of this theme, if
what I wantedis thewarp, then
what I was givenis theweft

The combination of thiswarpandweftis what
weaves together anessay (story)

what I wantedandwhat I was given (not what I wanted)
, the "gap" between these two poles"gap", iswoventhrough theessay

In other words, the "gap" between the two poles is a "two-in-one"☯️. That is to say, it is the very essence of BLUE's values,
"the power of harmony with the heterogeneous."☺️

(Reference Article)

💎Published Works💎

"What I Wanted, What I Was Given - Red Pill and Blue Pill" vol.15

"There are two choices: the Red Pill or the Blue Pill." Although not presented as coolly as Morpheus in the movie "The Matrix"🎞️, BLUE stared at the small capsule in front of him. It wasn't an over-the-counter hay fever medicine🤧 (I wrote this essay in early April 2025).



Red Pill—To know the whole truth. But once you know, there may be no turning back.➡️Even if you lose a stable life or your life is turned upside down,
do you want to know the truth⁉️

Blue Pill—To remain in a comfortable reality and stay in the same stable world as before.➡️A fulfilling life and a happy existence, but
do you want to remain in a state of knowing nothing⁉️

"Obviously, it's the Red pill, right!" BLUE grabbed the red capsule without hesitation.
...Or rather, 'without thinking too much about the consequences' might be the more accurate expression.
Gulp.

"Ugh...!"

The next moment, his vision blurred, and the surrounding scenery began to change.

What appeared before him was a 🔵

blue crayfish🦞."Who are you...?"

"I'm Marron."

"My

beloved cat-girl🐈 in a form like this 😭"

"A cat? If you say Marron, isn't it normal to retort with 'Chestnut🌰' instead?💦"

"What do you mean by your 'normal'❓ In the BLUE household, when we say Marron, it means a cute cat-girl‼️"
"Something feels off... well, whatever. I am Marron the crayfish. I'm a rare species, as blue individuals appear occasionally."

—BLUE was confused. It's a bit late to ask, but why is a crayfish talking?
And why is it a blue individual instead of red?

Marron continues.
"Originally, crayfish are red. But there are rare blue individuals like me. Did you know that red is the mainstream even in the human world?"
"Like lasers?

Red light has a long wavelength, so it's been used a lot for a long time, right?""Exactly. But when the

blue laser appeared, the world changed significantly. It was developed by Shuji Nakamura of Nichia Corporation, which sparked a technological innovation.""The


red rose and the blue rose are the same, right? Blue roses used to be a symbol of 'the impossible,' but now they are created artificially."Marron nodded while clicking his claws."In other words,


the minority blue can change the world sometimes."BLUE suddenly remembered the Red pill he had chosen.

"So, what happens to me now that I've taken the Red pill? And it's really throwing me off that the crayfish I'm facing is Blue. Does it mean that what I wished for was the

Red truth, and what I was given was the Blue fiction...?""That is

up to you. What you wished for and what you were given—how you interpret that."

☀️When he woke up, BLUE had returned to his original world.

"...A dream?"

No, that's not it. Something had changed.

Looking at his smartphone screen, there was an option displayed: "Do you want to spit out the BLUE pill?""Huh? Is that even allowed?"

"And I took the
Red pill..."

BLUE ruminated on Marron's words.

"That is up to you. What you wished for and what you were given—how you interpret that."

I see, how about I interpret it like this⁉️

Smartphone text "Do you want to spit out the BLUE pill?"
➡️BLUE, do you want to spit out the (swallowed Red) pill? (--If I interpret it this way, it matches the facts.) Or, could it be interpreted like this too⁉️

Text on the smartphone "Will you spit out the BLUE pill?"
➡️ (Previously swallowed) Blue pill Will you spit it out?
(--But I don't remember swallowing a blue pill, though)

Oh well. Regardless of the interpretation, there are only two possible outcomes.
After hesitating, BLUE tapped "Yes".

Then, Marron's voice echoed from nowhere.
"Is this what they call 'too little, too late'?"

"...As I thought, it seems what I swallowed was the Red pill after all.
Now that I know the truth, there's no turning back, is there... Naturally."

Furthermore, BLUE continued.
"...Well, yeah. But if it's a festival, isn't it best to enjoy it?"

BLUE laughed and stood up.

Having taken the Red pill and learned of the world, there is no turning back.
And that place was a world ruled by the minority, the Blue.
The Red world that BLUE wished for was, ironically, a blue world.
And that land was a place where BLUE himself had once
ruled over the minority Blue as their leader.

Marron knew this fact.
That BLUE had grown disgusted with the world ruled by blue,
and had once swallowed the Blue pill--.

"Welcome back."
Marron whispered that.🦞

Afterword

It's too late to spit it out now, but that's what they call "too little, too late" (lol).
And enjoying that festival was also, as a result of what I wished for, what I was given.

And I wanted to convey the importance of self-acceptance—choosing the best strategy in the field one has been given by honestly accepting the current situation—and the spirit of "I only know enough" (those who are rich but cannot be satisfied will never be, while those who are poor can be satisfied if they have a heart of gratitude) written on the tsukubai (stone washbasin) at Ryuan-ji Temple in Kyoto, which says "Ware tada taru wo shiru".☺️

After hesitating, BLUE...

Red PillI decided to spit out the, but I was told it was too little, too late, and I had already accepted the fate from which there was no turning back. The fate of remaining in a world ruled by a minority of Blues. However, that place was once the home of the BLUE.



Theme Concept
At first glance, while saying "I was not given what I wished for," in reality, "I was given what I truly needed." "The gap between what people wish for and what life gives them."
When one is able to honestly accept these two polar realities, beyond that deep insight, a door to new values awaits. Through insight, what we feel as "lack" or "deficiency" from a human perspective might, when viewed from a higher vantage point and a broader perspective, be something necessary for "lack" or "deficiency"
might, when viewed from a higher vantage point and a broader perspective, be something necessary for "growth" and "realization" 🤔💭 It is also true that while people seek "power" or "success," what they are actually given is "power" or "success"

while what they are actually given is "weakness" or "failure". But perhaps that "gap" is what creates the depth of life 🤔💭 That gap is "inferiority complex", and by

"I alone know enough" (Ware Tada Taru wo Shiru) "self-acceptance" And, because I accepted myself as I am now, the door to the next stage is prepared.

Marron provided by Kanna-san

BLUE's thoughts 🗣️

I thought this blue Marron looked like an "incarnation of BLUE" that had appeared underwater🤣

Marron are usually brownish or black, but this vivid blue is born from a mutation.
It is as if "the power of harmony with the heterogeneous", a worldview that BLUE values as a core belief, has crystallized underwater😼

Come to think of it, BLUE also views the world through "a perspective different from the norm".
This is not limited to BLUE.

Everyone views this world through their own colored glasses.
That is what one's subjective personality (individuality) is.

Like Shuji Nakamura, who brought a "blue revolution" to laser technology where red was the mainstream,"blue revolution", and like the scientists who fulfilled the "dream of a blue rose" in an era when red roses were the norm,
"dream of a blue rose", BLUE will likely continue to search for, explore, and express their own "blue.""own blue" And perhaps this Marron is also a "crayfish that chose to be blue."

"crayfish that chose to be blue" If Marron had consciousness, they might say this to BLUE😉"Let us both take pride in being 'BLUE'."

And now,
BLUE is talking to their beloved cat-girl Marron🗣️

You have a beautiful brownish coat, but
would you like to wear a vivid Blue someday?

BLUE does not yet know that their beloved cat-girl Marron🌰, whom they are speaking to in a sweet, coaxing voice, is a
🔵blue crayfish🦞--

"What I Wanted, What I Was Given - Boundaries and Transgression" vol.16

1. The moment of becoming aware of boundaries

When I was young, I didn't know how far my world extended. My home, my family, my school, my friends. I felt that everything was "mine." But one day, when I experienced my first transfer to a new school, I was strongly made aware of the difference between myself and the "outside world."

The intonation of the words spoken in the new class, the way of playing, and even the rules for school lunch were subtly different from before. Something was different. That "sense of discomfort" felt as if there were a transparent wall in front of me. Something was different beyond just the fact that the grade level had dropped from 16 classes to 2.

However, after a while, I felt that "sense of discomfort" gradually fading away. Before I knew it, I was laughing naturally in the new environment and living by the same rules.

This experience taught me the existence of what we call "boundaries." And at the same time, it taught me that those boundaries are not fixed, but things that change flexibly.

2. Self and others, inside and outside

What is a boundary? It is a line that separates the self from others, or something that defines the inside and the outside.

In psychology, there is a concept called "personal space". This is a territory for maintaining one's own comfortable sense of distance, and it differs from person to person. For example, you can talk shoulder-to-shoulder with a close friend, but you would feel uncomfortable if a stranger were at the same distance.

Then, what about "the personal zone of values"?

We interact with people who have various values every day. We can talk with peace of mind with people who have the same way of thinking as us, but when we face people with completely different values, we may feel anxiety or wariness.

"Why does this person think this way?" "Since it doesn't match my values, shouldn't I keep my distance?"

These feelings are a natural defensive reaction that many people have. However, if that fixes the "boundary" too much, we will not be able to interact with the world outside our own "personal zone."

3. What becomes visible by crossing boundaries

Life often does not give us what we wish for.

Even if you wish to "be understood more," you are more often misunderstood.
Even if you wish to "live with peace of mind," change and anxiety are unavoidable.

However, what if we had the courage to cross boundaries?

Encountering different values sometimes creates conflict.
But that is not just to clarify "differences," but also a process for gaining new perspectives.

For example, in some cultures, "silence is a virtue."
However, in other cultures, "silence is perceived as insincerity."
There are also cultures where people are genuinely happy when praised, and others where praise is shunned because it is believed to invite the evil eye.

By knowing and accepting these differences,
we cultivate "the power of harmony with the alien.".

Reference
I tried to summarize the distance and objects of interest in mutual understanding (communication) with others in a picture🤗

4. The meaning of what was given

I once strongly wished, "I want people to understand my thoughts more."
But in reality, I was given "opportunities to accept different opinions."

At first, it felt like a "shortage." I was sometimes frustrated, thinking, "Why doesn't my feeling get across?"

However, now I think. If I had been in an environment where I was just understood, I might never have deepened my own thoughts or gained new perspectives.

What was given was not a "shortage," but a "seed of growth."

5. Beyond boundaries and crossing over

Boundaries exist to protect us. However, they can also become walls that hinder our growth.

What is truly necessary is the courage to be aware of boundaries while crossing them when necessary.

Beyond that lies an encounter with what we thought was "alien," and harmony with new values awaits.

We may not have obtained "what we wished for."
But when we know the meaning of "what we were given,"
we may grow one step further.

Editor's Note
I tried to depict the flow from the moment of being aware of boundaries to encountering the alien, and finally realizing the meaning of what was given.

BLUE's values "the power of harmony with the alien" I made the theme about the growth that lies beyond crossing boundaries so that it links with this as well🤗

"What I Wished For, What I Was Given - Words and Silence" vol.17

Things that can be spoken, and things that cannot. About the truth that lies between them.

What's wrong? You look like you want to say something.

As I traced the rim of my coffee cup with my finger, I searched for words. She sat before me, watching me with her usual calm expression. She wasn't pressing me for an answer; she was simply waiting for me to weave my words together.

I can't put it into words.

That was all I could finally squeeze out. I definitely had the desire to convey something. But I was afraid, feeling that the moment I spoke, everything would transform into something else.

We exchange many words every day. We talk about work goals, visions for the future, and our values. Yet, those words do not convey everything. In fact, I feel that the most important things are hidden within what remains unspoken.

What is conveyed by words, and what is not

It is important to have your own core.

I have heard those words many times. But what is this 'own core'? If you line up abstract words, it sounds plausible. 'Freedom,' 'unity,' 'excitement,' 'sense of contribution'... But the moment I put them into words, I feel like something is off.

That's not it, it's more like this...

Even as I think that, I cannot find the right words.

This is because a 'core' is a feeling even if you try to organize it at a cognitive level, it only accounts for 7% of communication (recalling the Mehrabian rule). The true core might be something that is
felt as a physical sensation rather than through words.

The truth within silence

Does it make you anxious when there are no words?
When she asked me that, I thought for a moment.

If the silence lasts too long, it might make the other person anxious. Without words, it might seem like nothing is being conveyed. But is that really true?

Even if you don't put it into words, it's being conveyed just fine.

I was a little surprised by her words.

Look, I don't know everything you're thinking... but I can feel that you are holding onto something important.

There are things that are conveyed without being put into words. Sometimes, the truth lies within the silence.

What I wanted, what I was given

I had always thought it was important to put things into words. But perhaps what I was actually being given was an understanding that transcended words.

"Hey, why don't we stop trying to find the right words today?"

She said that with a smile.

"Even if we don't put it into words, just being here is enough."

At those words, I felt my tension suddenly melt away.

In the silence, I think I finally received something truly important.

Afterword

Humans are creatures with emotions. However, to convey those emotions to others, we must use the tool called "language." At this point, what many people experience is the "loss of emotional translation."

The thoughts that arise in our hearts and the emotions we experience are pure and vivid. They are like the perfect forms in the world of ideas. However, the moment we put them into words, that purity is lost. Just as a signal degrades during the transmission process, emotions also change during the process of verbalization, and by the time they reach the receiver, they have become something different from their original form. This is a phenomenon that parallels the "limits of communication" proposed by Claude Shannon, the father of information theory.

In Shannon's information theory, it is stated that signals (information) sent by a sender may not reach the receiver accurately due to noise or transmission loss. No matter how excellent the encoding technology used, perfect restoration in information transmission is theoretically difficult. In the same way, when we convert our emotions into words and try to convey them to others, there is always a loss.

For example, when we feel strong joy, we express it by saying, "I'm happy!" However, that one word does not convey everything we truly want to express. It is difficult to share the true experience of how happy we are or what nuance of joy it is. Conversely, with negative emotions such as sadness or suffering, the transmission loss becomes even greater.

So, does this mean we cannot truly share emotions with others in the real sense?🤔
If you are interested, please proceed to the extra edition☺️

Extra Edition

In the article below, I write about the following✍️
The conclusion is the exact opposite of the main story, but I hope you will read it as a sci-fi story, or rather, as something that will surely come to pass in the near future☺️

With current technology, we cannot verbalize 100% of what we think and convey it to others, but in the future, in fact, the unspoken thoughts and emotions in our hearts will be able to be expressed 100% without loss in the metaverse💖

[End]