A dream sleeping deep in my heart. I want to build a kindergarten.

What is it that I truly want to do?

That is something my thoughts get in the way of.

After I started working as a freelancer, I felt that since I was doing it, I had to produce results. To that end, I felt the shortest path was to land writing projects through crowdsourcing. I like "writing," and I thought that if I could write in genres like education and child-rearing, I might be able to contribute to children's happiness.

And so, I continued with several writing jobs, but because of the difficulty of balancing them with child-rearing and the lack of a real sense that I was contributing to children's happiness, I began to feel pain while doing them.

Then, I will move forward with a consultation business for mothers; this is something I have wanted to do for a long time.

Within me,
"early childhood education" and "family support"

Because I strongly feel that these two things are directly linked to children's happiness, I wanted to create a service for "family support," especially one that provides support to moms.

This was about six years ago, I think. Actually, I have tried this before. At that time, while working at a developmental support classroom, I was posting about child-rearing on Ameblo. I set a goal of posting at least twice a day, and I was truly working myself to the bone, pouring all my energy into it.

At that time, even if it wasn't blatant, I think my posts were condescending.

As a stance,
"You should do more of this," "I want you to know about this,"
because deep in my heart, I thought I had to change parents for the sake of children's happiness.

As I continued posting and the number of followers increased, I announced things like talk sessions and individual consultation sessions on my blog. I received applications from several people and had the opportunity to talk with them. It was my first experience getting paid for providing my own service.

The reason I couldn't continue those services and closed the blog was that I could no longer accept my own stance.

"You should do more of this," "I want you to know about this." I felt uncomfortable with such condescending advice and interactions. At that time, I was just one person, not a parent or anything else. What could I possibly say? And above all, I began to doubt my own way of trying to "change parents."

With that background, it ended without me being able to see it through.

So now, if I were to do it, I want to be a source of strength for moms as an equal, as someone who can walk alongside them. If it were that kind of service, I could be excited. I also think now that I want to prepare for that.

Since becoming a freelancer, I have had the opportunity to talk with various people. Interviews, meetings for ongoing projects, career consultations, and so on. Naturally, I end up talking about my background, my current thoughts, and my future prospects.

Every time I had those conversations, I felt that what I wanted to do was gradually emerging, but it also felt like I still couldn't quite grasp it completely.

Recently, I have been able to grasp that clearly.

I can finally say, 'This is it!'

'I want to build a kindergarten.'

Yes, that was it. I had been thinking about it all along, but my thoughts kept blocking me.

What would I even do if I said I wanted to build a kindergarten?
Can I really do something so reckless?
Maybe now isn't the right time.

With all those voices in my head, I immediately suppressed the desire to 'try it.' Because of that, even the voice saying 'I want to do it' became small and sank to the bottom of my heart.

Earlier, I wrote down
“early childhood education” and “family support”
as things directly linked to children's happiness, but I have an extraordinary passion for early childhood education.

When I quit being an elementary school teacher and thought about my next direction, I was thinking of steering toward
“early childhood education”.

“Visible academic ability” and “invisible academic ability”
Regarding “invisible academic ability,” it can be rephrased in modern terms as “non-cognitive skills,” but I had a strong interest in “invisible academic ability.”

If you are interested, I think this book will be helpful. It is a wonderful book.

“Invisible academic ability” is academic ability that is difficult to express in numerical values. It is difficult to measure with tests. Non-cognitive skills include self-esteem, motivation, and endurance, but they can also be called “human power” that governs such personality.

Various research results also suggest that the ability to govern such personality formation is mainly cultivated in early childhood. “Invisible academic ability” creates the foundation as a human being, and “visible academic ability” is cultivated on top of that. Thinking about it that way, it is not hard to imagine how important the early childhood period is.

This was something I felt keenly when I was in charge of lower grades in elementary school. No matter how much effort I put in, there are children who connect and children who are difficult to connect with. No matter how carefully I try to teach learning,
“I hate studying in the first place!”
If that is the case, I have to start from a negative and begin with ways to make them like studying.
“I like studying,” “I can do it if I try.”
Children who think this way absorb things quickly and can continue learning persistently, so as a result, their achievements also improve.

Of course, there are many things that can be done in elementary school education. However, my strong interest in “early childhood education” never disappeared and only continued to grow. That was the biggest factor in me letting go of the job of an elementary school teacher.

And there is one more important keyword that is indispensable to me,
“nature”.

I want to live in a place rich in nature.

Within that thought, when I thought about what kind of environment would allow children to be relaxed and fully engage in what they are currently absorbed in,
“nature” came to mind.

After quitting my teaching job, the first thing I did was visit "forest kindergartens" both in Japan and abroad.

▲ A story from when I went to Kelowna, Canada.

Besides that, I went to Nagano Prefecture to meet the founder of a forest kindergarten, and I also worked as a volunteer for about two weeks at a forest kindergarten I could commute to from my home.

Come to think of it, I also spent two days staying overnight for a "Forest Kindergarten Leader Training Course." After that, I ended up working at a developmental support classroom, but I felt I had to at least get a childcare worker qualification, so I studied on my own and passed the exam. (I failed miserably on the piano test and passed on the second try. I gave up on piano and switched to art.)

I think I felt so drawn to it that much. But at the same time, it was also something I had given up on many times, thinking that it was difficult nonetheless.

When I actually worked there, I realized it wasn't something that generated much profit. Therefore, the staff were forced to be resourceful, such as running the forest kindergarten while having a side job. It is somehow sustained only by their strong passion. Hearing that, I couldn't help but think that the reality must be quite difficult.

However, it kept smoldering deep in my heart.

I returned to Japan deeply impressed by the "forest kindergarten" in Kelowna, Canada, but the "Hokkaido Tomoe Kindergarten" I visited after that is etched in me as a vivid experience. It has not faded even now that time has passed.

It was a place where, “a kindergarten where parents and children attend together”
or rather, it doesn't have to be parents. Grandpas and grandmas are okay too.
In any case, it is a place where adults grow together with children.

The scenery I saw there, the enthusiasm of the staff, the lively expressions of the parents, and the figures of the children absorbed in what they were doing.

I cannot forget the story I heard there.

It seems the staff and a child were having a conversation like,
“Who do you like?”
The child, as if it were natural, said this.

“Myself, isn't everyone like that?”

I like myself.
For that child, it was something very natural and taken for granted.

Because I had come to dislike myself, those words pierced me as if my heart were being deeply gripped.

“An environment where you can like yourself and like others”
A place that nurtures such things, which are taken for granted but very important.

And,
“a place where parents can also regain themselves and live again together”
How fun it would be if I could create such a space.

A place where adults, children, staff, and the principal are all equal and can show their true selves.

“The freest and happiest kindergarten in the world”

I felt an energy rising from deep within my heart, like something that had been aching was now igniting.

When I mentioned it briefly to my husband, he said,
“That’s why I’ve been telling you all along, let’s do it.”

Come to think of it, he had.

He had been saying it for a long time. But, well, it’s scary, isn’t it? It’s reckless. It’s almost embarrassing to say it proudly and confidently. And because it’s also the deepest desire in my heart, perhaps I was afraid of it being crushed, and that’s why I hadn’t been able to take that step.

However,

“I will build the freest and happiest kindergarten in the world.”

When I put those words into speech, I felt it with my whole being: “Wow, this is igniting something,” and “This feels just right.”

This is it!
Or rather, that’s how it felt.

Whether I can do it or not.

If my thoughts go there, my heart shrinks all at once. So, I want to keep challenging myself to see what happens if I just take things one by one as they appear before me.

Even though I say kindergarten, it’s not yet clear what exactly it will become.

It might be a form without a school building.
It might be online.
Or perhaps it might be a space like a cafe.

However, what I have decided is,

“I want it to be a place where children can be absorbed in the present, and parents can reclaim themselves and live their lives anew.”

And no matter what form it takes, the purpose is one.

“To contribute to the happiness of children.”

On note, I would like to record the inner conflicts and activities that led to this taking shape. Your support would be a great encouragement, and if you have any thoughts or advice, I would love to use them as a reference for my future activities.

Thank you for your support!

Lastly.

The reason I became aware of my own precious feelings this time is thanks to Zaki-san, whom I met by chance.

They are a very unique person who works as a part-time teacher at an elementary school while also running a coffee shop. (I mean that as a compliment, of course.)

How to live one's life. Deciding on that path yourself and giving it shape. That is not an easy thing to do. Through our conversations, they taught me that behind that lies a process of facing one's own weaknesses countless times.

Such a figure must be a source of courage for those who want to live their own lives. I am one of those people.

Next, I hope to become that kind of figure myself.

To that end, I want to keep taking on challenges.