For the Sake of Being Ugly by Yutaka Iwaozaki ~At the End of a Distorted Self-Consciousness~

I had been overweight for many years.

I weighed 95 kilograms.

My waist was 120 centimeters.

Everyone looked at me with the eyes they use for a fat person.

Everyone looked at me with the eyes they use for an ugly person.

I was a little fed up with such a world.

I wanted to change.

The catalyst arrived along with a ray of hope.

It was participating in the Tokyo Literature Flea Market on May 4th with everyone from the literature circle, Chi-bu.

Initially, I only planned to participate by contributing a piece, but through my interactions with Yuri Yuriko, Janai Yamamoto, and everyone in Chi-bu, I began to want to participate in person and meet everyone.

That required resolve.

Because there was a rumor that everyone in Chi-bu was beautiful.

If I participated, I would be the only short, fat, ugly, and bald person there.

I couldn't do anything about being short, ugly, or bald, but I could do something about being fat if I tried, so I decided to lose weight as a form of atonement.

I, who ended up atoning for something just because I wanted to participate in the Literature Flea Market, carried out an unhealthily hard diet.

As a result, I lost 18 kilograms in three months.

The people I met at the Literature Flea Market said one after another:

Iwao-san, you're not fat, are you?

Iwao-san, you're not ugly, are you?

Iwao-san, you're not going bald, are you?

People at my workplace and my clients said one after another:

Iwao-san, you've lost quite a bit of weight, haven't you?

Iwao-san, you've lost weight and look handsome now, don't you?

Iwao-san, please increase your sales achievement rate a little more.

The people who see me in town, the convenience store clerks, the supermarket staff, the gas station attendants—none of them look at me with the eyes they use for a fat person anymore.

Everything was what I had wished for...

And then, I thought.

I thought about the world that had looked at me with eyes for a fat, ugly person for so long.

Just because I lost a little under 20 kilos doesn't mean my ugliness has improved that much, you idiots!

I'm still in the high 70-kilo range, so of course I'm still fat, you idiots!

And as for my work achievement rate, I'm sorry, you idiots!

I, who should have been sick of being looked at as fat and ugly, felt this way toward a world that had suddenly changed its tune.

The way you all see me is wrong

I am fat and ugly

That was when my ego as an ugly person began to sprout

So... so you see... I gained weight

In order to reclaim my ugliness...

It hasn't even been a week since the Literature Flea Market ended, and I've already gained 2 kilograms

This is by no means an excuse for rebounding

This is a battle for me to reclaim my ugliness

At that moment, the Yutaka Ozaki in my head began to sing

I named him Yutaka Iwaozaki

Before listening to Yutaka Iwaozaki's songs, those who saw Iwao at the Literature Flea Market should erase from their memories the visual of Iwao, whose level of ugliness was lower than expected

And then, imagine a fat man with a raw, bald scalp and a face like vomit

You can imagine it, right?

Yes, that is Iwao

If you can imagine it, please listen

By Yutaka Iwaozaki

For the sake of me being ugly

Post-publication addendum

Let me be honest

When I recorded this in the park last night, I was really into it

In the morning, when I published it and listened to my own voice and the recording, I got goosebumps and returned it to draft status in a second


However, I thought I could make a cool excuse that maybe by publishing such an 'ugly article,' I could reclaim my ugly self, but I can't seem to cover it up, so I'll write my true feelings


People who listen to this might feel empathetic embarrassment


What I really want to say is

Attachment and insurance

is what it is

It would be a waste to scrap the article part since I wrote something not bad after all

But at the same time, I don't want the recording content to make people think, 'Iwao thinks this is funny? Hmm, I'm disappointed in him'

So, I decided to publish the article while hedging with the insurance that 'I can see from a bird's-eye view that this might induce empathetic embarrassment, so please don't be disappointed in Iwao'

I decided to publish the article with that insurance

I'm getting dizzy from my own distorted self-consciousness, so I'll take my leave here, Ossu🌊🌊🌊

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