Playing Comedian Episode 8 (Creative Award Entertainment Original Work Category)

I had come up with scripts for three routines on the day of our rehearsal, but Takahata, as expected, hadn't thought of a single one.

Takahata read my scripts with a serious look on his face and said,

"For now, let's go with the virgin routine. Yeah, it's pretty funny."

He said it with a very arrogant, long face.

It was a very arrogant, long face.

I was bothered by the way he said "pretty funny" instead of "it's funny," as it sounded so condescending.

The long face that had been by my side from high school until recently had never made such an arrogant, long-faced expression before.

At that moment, I felt like I was comparing an old lover to a new one, and I thought that being in a comedy duo was truly similar to being in a romantic relationship.

And after thinking that, I felt embarrassed by my own audacity, feeling as if I had already become a full-fledged comedian even though I was still just a beginner.

The rehearsal with Takahata started with me feeling various hazy doubts and discomfort in my heart, but it was surprisingly exciting.

When people who write routines polish them together, ideas that I could never reach on my own kept popping up one after another.

Moreover, since Takahata had a prior record of stealing my routines and making them funnier, we were a perfect match.

Because we were such a good match, one concern arose.

Since it was still a trial run rather than an official duo at my request, there was a possibility that Takahata might say he didn't want to form a duo after this routine was finished.

I would be in trouble if Takahata took this routine I had thought of if that happened.

I said to Takahata,

"If we don't officially form a duo, I'll be using the polished routine. For any other routines we work on in the future, if we don't end up together, is it okay if the person who originally thought of it gets to keep using it?"

When I said that, Takahata replied,

"Yeah, that's fine. If Ban thinks of them, I won't have to."

He said.

I didn't know if it was trust in my material or if he just wanted an easy way out, but if I secured the right to use the script later, there was a benefit for me to polish it even if we didn't officially form a duo.

Relieved, I said to Takahata,

"Come to think of it, you stole the Sushi Man script, didn't you?"

I said.

The Sushi Man script was a solo bit I did about being bullied because of my sweaty hands, and Takahata had stolen it to win an audition for a group skit script for a live show hosted by our vocal training instructor.

Takahata replied to my question,

"Ah, it was for the vocal training class live show, so Yamamoto-san and Hagiya-san wouldn't find out. My peers found out, though... Well, we're a duo now, so it's fine, right?"

he said and laughed.

What a guy.

Stealing the material first and then asking me to be a duo, and then saying "we're a duo now, so it's fine"—the timeline is completely messed up.

Moreover, Takahata had calculated it all.

If he had performed a bit identical to mine in the comedy class, his grade might have been lowered, or he might have been reprimanded.

But since he presented the stolen script in the vocal training class, the comedy instructor certainly wouldn't find out.

I suddenly wondered if perhaps Takahata had also arranged something he'd stolen from somewhere else to get into the advanced comedy class.

While thinking he might be the worst kind of person, I also felt that his calculating nature and the audacity to confess so easily to the person he stole from meant he might possess something I lacked.

I, with my passive personality—having no will of my own, entering university because my parents told me to, and becoming a comedian-in-training because Hosoi invited me—versus Takahata, who would go as far as stealing someone else's material to get ahead. Looking only at the results so far, I was stuck in the basic comedy class, while Takahata had made it into the advanced class and was entrusted with a script for the first official live show for trainees. And he did it with material stolen from me, no less...

In this short time, I had thought many times that being in a duo was like a romantic relationship, but after hearing Takahata's remark and feeling impressed that he might have something I lacked, I felt like a woman who is drawn to a scumbag.

Takahata and I decided to polish my script about a man falsely accused and arrested as a terrorist plotting population decline by not engaging in reproductive behavior, despite just being a virgin, and take it to the comedy class.

On the day of the comedy class, before going to the classroom, the temporary duo name we decided on was "Uma-Takahata," combining "Uma-senbatsu" (Horse Selection) and Takahata.

When I went to the classroom, to my surprise, Hosoi was there.

Hosoi came to the classroom for the first time in a month after hearing the voicemail I left about teaming up with someone else.

Hosoi said to me,

"I'm sorry for everything up until now. I don't think it's any use teaming up with anyone else. I've prepared a solo routine to present in class today. If you see it and feel like coming back, Ban-kun, I'd like to work with you again, so please watch it."

He said.

What a selfish guy... I was inwardly dumbfounded, but

"Alright. What are you going to use as your solo stage name?"

I asked, and Hosoi said,

"Can I use 'Uma Senbatsu' (Horse Selection)?"

So I said,

"I came up with the name 'Uma Senbatsu', so you can use 'Uma Senbatsu Kobun' (Horse Selection Henchman) if you want."

He said.

Hosoi actually wrote 'Uma Senbatsu Kobun' on the whiteboard.

In the routine class, our act, 'Uma Takahata', got a lot of laughs. Even in the critique, Hagiya-san said,

"I see, you two teamed up. You're the two who do the weirdest routines in the 7th generation, so I'm looking forward to it. Today's routine made me want to add sound effects and direct it."

He told us.

Saying he wanted to direct it without giving any negative feedback was the highest praise for budding comedians.

Then, it was time for Hosoi's routine as Uma Senbatsu Kobun.

Was it a convenience store?

His pantomime was so bad I couldn't really tell, but the act where he seemed to hit his head on the automatic door when entering was funny because his face is long, but I was the only one laughing. Other than that, I couldn't really tell what he was doing or what he was saying.

Hagiya-san

First of all, as I always say, the idea of aiming for inside jokes with a name like 'Horse Selection Minion' is not the right mindset for someone who wants to become a comedian. That is something amateurs do at a high school cultural festival. Also, your voice is too quiet and your articulation is poor during the actual routine. Review what you learned in your vocalization classes and come back when you've done that.

I said.

The vocalization and dance classes actually had a purpose.

Hearing the critique of the parts before the actual routine that Hosoi was receiving, I felt like I was being scolded too, since I was the one who came up with 'Horse Selection Minion' and I hadn't been attending the dance or vocalization classes either.

At this stage, more than half a year after entering the training school, Hosoi was the only one still being pointed out for things at this level during the routine showcase.

And from that day on, Hosoi never came to the training school again.

To be continued

Episode 9