Right now, would you rather be told 'it's okay to rest' or 'it's okay to keep trying'?

You've already done enough, so you don't have to push yourself so hard.

I said that to my second daughter, thinking she might be pushing herself too hard and not realizing how tired she was.
I truly meant it from the bottom of my heart.

However, the response I got back from my daughter, who just started first grade, was...
completely unexpected.

I don't want you to say things like that!

Huh?

The words I offered with 100% parental love were immediately rejected by the person they were meant for.

It seems I failed the screening for the 'kind father' category in my daughter's eyes (laughs).

Since starting elementary school, my second daughter has been working really hard.

In this new environment, she isn't just doing things because she's told to; she's taking the initiative to tackle various challenges on her own.

As a parent, of course, that makes me happy.

But at the same time, I've become just as worried.

Is she pushing herself too hard and reaching her limit?

Is she actually struggling but forcing herself to keep going?

For a parent, it's difficult to distinguish between 'motivation' and 'overexertion'.

Because from the outside, both look like the same 'hardworking attitude'.

That's why I told her, 'You don't have to push yourself so hard,' intending to put her at ease.

But for my daughter, those weren't comforting words at all.

If anything,

Don't stop me when I'm trying so hard to do my best.

That might have been how she felt.

Come to think of it, my second daughter worked hard even back when she was in nursery school.

However, in a group setting, it is inevitable that the efforts of children who stand out or have loud voices are more easily noticed.

This is not to say that anyone is at fault.

I think that efforts made quietly and steadily are simply harder to get noticed.

My second daughter also, at some point,

felt like, 'I'm working hard too, but I'm not being seen for how much I've done.'

That is how it appeared to us as her parents.
(I am fully aware that I am a doting parent, so please forgive me 😇)

However, things changed a little after she entered elementary school.

Her teacher looks not just at the results, but at 'what she did and how she worked hard,' and gives that feedback to my second daughter.

The things she worked hard on and the words she receives in return are properly connected.

Because she can accept that evaluation,

'I want to work even harder'

is a feeling that is being born.
(To her homeroom teacher, thank you always!! 😭)

People don't just want to be praised.

Perhaps they want someone to properly notice the areas where they have worked hard.

My saying 'you don't have to work too hard' was a phrase meant to protect my second daughter.

But what I was looking at was not my second daughter who was suffering in the moment, but rather,

'the second daughter who might get tired someday'

I think that is what it was.

I was anticipating worries that hadn't happened yet, and trying to stop the 'I want to do this' that was bubbling up right now.

Worrying is about anticipating the future.

Supporting is about trying to see how someone feels right now.

Since realizing that, we have changed how we speak to others.

'Let's do our best at what we want to do, freely and openly.'

Of course, we will not stop watching over them.

If they seem to be struggling, we will stop together.

But we won't use our own parental anxiety to hit the brakes when they are happily pressing the accelerator themselves.

Because the right to press the accelerator belongs to them.

I think this is the same in the workplace as well.

It is not that working hard itself is painful,

'Even if I work hard, no one sees it'

'I don't know what is being evaluated'

Such states can sometimes wear people out.

Conversely, when your efforts are properly seen and you receive feedback that makes sense, working hard becomes a force for moving forward rather than a source of exhaustion.

There are days when 'you don't have to push yourself' is a relief.

But for someone who thinks 'I still want to try my best,' that same phrase can sometimes act as a brake.

What is needed is not a template for the 'correct' thing to say,

but whether that person wants to rest right now,

or whether they want to move forward,

perhaps it is simply about truly seeing them.

Once again, my second daughter's lesson is simple, and quite stern (lol).

Right now, are you...

Wanting to be told, 'It's okay to take a little break'?

Or,

Wanting to be told, 'It's okay to keep working hard on what you want to do'?