[Jealousy Note] If I were to be reborn, I wanted to be a jellyfish.

I am participating in this project.

The new series is already tearing at my heart.

I don't want to be evaluated by anyone.
However, as long as I live in this society, it is impossible not to be ranked.
That is why I go mad with jealousy.

That is why I wished to be a jellyfish in my next life.

I am a lump of jealousy and worldly desires.

I want to be chosen, I want things, I am envious.
Especially since I have low self-esteem,
I have been an expert at comparing myself to others since childhood.
Everyone around me looked brighter than me. I felt the atmosphere where I couldn't say 'I'm jealous of your talent' as heavy as lead.
How difficult it is to live in this society.
The feeling of 'I envy you and I'm jealous of you' is something you cover up once you become an adult.

If I were a jellyfish, I wouldn't be compared to anyone.
I would float and drift in the ocean. If I were displayed well in an aquarium, my life would be guaranteed. I will become a jellyfish that is good at navigating the world.
(I'm not that familiar with the ecology of jellyfish, though)

I want to live in a world in my next life where I am not tossed about by the murky emotions of humans, like a jellyfish.

That is what I wished for. Is that selfish?

It was then that I met Nami-san.

Isn't it vulgar to show feelings of jealousy? Nami-san kicked away the emotions that were swirling in my head.
She acknowledges jealousy, loves it, and makes it her ally. She laughs it off.
Nami-san's writing always put my deepest feelings into words. I laughed until I cried.

My favorite one is here.

🪼🪼🪼
When the topic of my family environment came up during lunch with a friend, (no, it usually turns into a complaint, though)

'That's nice, Ayu, you have a kind husband, you've been promoted at work, and you're doing what you love, right?'

I said. It's pathetic because I'm jealous of her very existence. I admit it was an impudent remark that didn't even look at the person's background.

After sipping her lemonade through a straw, Ayu answered with a slightly sulky face.

'You know, you often say 'that's nice,' but I envy the fact that you have children even if you don't have a husband. We can't have children because of my husband's illness. In the first place, having a husband is hard work too!'

She laughed heartily. I didn't know.
Ayu likes children, so I only thought that maybe she wasn't planning on having them yet. She said she was frustrated because she had been transferred to a different department and was far from the sales job she had always wanted to do.
I couldn't see anyone's background at all, and I was just a child vaguely begging for things.

Every time I said 'that's nice' to her,
She must have been thinking, 'You don't know anything!'
Ayu continued.

'You already have it too.'

Life, there's no time to be envious, is there?'

My friend, who always saw me going mad with jealousy,
laughed with a bit of meat sauce on the corner of her mouth.
She said she was going to start preparing to walk the path of life with her husband as a couple.

She started to walk.
I only became better at being jealous all by myself.
Perhaps it is time to realize it. Life might be far too short.

Thank you.

🪼🪼🪼

Even now, when my note friends are chosen for awards or get attention, I still bite my handkerchief. The sickness of 'I wish I were them, I wish I could do that too' has not yet been cured.

If I had a husband. If I didn't have to work full-time. If I had more talent to begin with.

No, let's stop this. Spending too much time with jealousy is something to think about. Let's get along with it well, in moderation. He is always inside me.

Life, because there might not be time to spend being envious,
or time to grumble about wanting to be a jellyfish.

Thank you for joining me again today.
Ikezaki-san, thank you for the wonderful project! I would like some feedback✨

Follow me here.

This is the kind of person I am