The Day My Weakness Was Given a Name: [My Encounter with "HSP"]

"Why are you getting so down over something like that?"

"If you let every little thing bother you, it's going to be tough when you grow up, you know?"

These are words I have been told often since I started elementary school.

Every time I was told things like that, I felt like my heart was a defective product.

It is often dismissed in a single word as being "nervous," but for the person experiencing it, it is a serious problem.

Once something starts bothering me, it plays over and over in my head, and I find it hard to escape.

Someone's slight facial expression or a casual remark stays stuck in my chest and won't go away.

"Why are other people able to live so strongly?"

I always wondered about that.

Even though we are supposed to be living the same way and interacting with people in the same way, everyone around me always seems happy.

In contrast, I worried about why I couldn't enjoy my days like that.

A personality that is easily hurt, a self that is too sensitive—.

I felt like I was no good because I seemed weak compared to others, and it was incredibly painful.

"Perhaps other people are just acting 'happy,' and deep down, they might be carrying the same pain as I am."

"Then I have to act like I'm having fun, too. It's not okay for me to be the only one who looks like I'm struggling."

Even as a child, I thought that, but it was just a guess and I had no proof.

The more I suppressed my feelings, the more that "struggle" grew.

But one day, I happened to come across the term "HSP".

Highly Sensitive Person.

In Japanese, it means "a very sensitive person."

It is a concept proposed by psychologist Dr. Elaine Aron, and it is said that about one in five people has this temperament.

They are highly sensitive and notice even the smallest things.

They are sensitive to sounds, light, and other people's emotions, and they get mentally exhausted much more easily than others.

I thought, that is exactly me.

The more I looked into it, the more the "difficulty in living" that I couldn't explain until now made sense.

Ah, I wasn't a "defective product" after all.

I was just born with that kind of "temperament."

How much this term saved me.

"I am not alone."

"There are people who feel the same way, and they really exist."

I never imagined that something so simple could bring me such a sense of relief.

I was saved by the "label" of HSP.

Of course, being HSP doesn't solve all the difficulties of life, nor do I want to demand special consideration from others.

But compared to the days when I kept blaming myself without knowing "why it was so hard," I feel like I can breathe much more easily now.

Being more sensitive than others can be painful at times.

But it's not all bad.

I can notice the small changes in someone else.

I can sense the shifts in the atmosphere and offer quiet support.

Because I am sensitive, there are kindnesses and pains that I am able to perceive.

If there is anyone out there right now thinking, "Why am I so weak?" I want to tell them with all my heart:

You are not alone.

And that part of you that was considered a "weakness" actually has a real meaning.

I believe it is a temperament that exists in a place very close to "kindness."

Just as I was saved by the concept of HSP, I would be happy if I could become a source of support for someone else in turn.

I am still in the middle of deepening my relationship with my sensitive self, but I hope to forgive myself little by little and live gently.

Even when things are so hard that you want to cry, I hope that the sensitivity that allows you to feel those things becomes your treasure.