Feeling lonely is only natural.

I have always felt lonely being by myself,
I have forced myself to try not to feel it,

and I have tried not to show it.

,

On the outside,

I would say, I am happy.

I would say, I am popular.
On the inside,

even though I felt isolated and lonely.🤭

,

I was so bored that I would even read the comment sections of my friends' social media, find out I wasn't invited to a drinking party, and then get depressed or resentful on my own,

and I would send a message pretending I didn't know there was a party,

saying, "You should invite me sometime."
But,

I still haven't been invited,

and let alone closed-off drinking parties among close friends,
I haven't heard anything at all.
😆

That's why, when my child was left out, I was so frustrated that I changed their nursery school within three days.

Moreover, to an international one.
I intended to give them an edge with English,

so they could get back at the kids who bullied them.
.

In the end, my child ended up returning to the original nursery school (Japanese) starting this month (November).

Because I transferred them immediately,

I was told I robbed my child of growth opportunities, I had a fierce cold war with my husband, and
for my child, suddenly being in a language they didn't know (English) all day long,
they couldn't communicate with teachers or friends, and I had to pull them off the pillars they were clinging to and drag them to school every day.
I feel so much regret

for putting them through such a painful experience, and
that my own inner issues were projected and manifested in reality,

and that those around me were dragged into it,

now,

I understand well.
,

,✴︎
Back then,

if I,

had said to my friend,

"

I know full well that I wasn't invited to the party,
but I want to be included,
so please invite me

"
if I had just said that properly,

I wonder what would have happened? I think about that sometimes.🤭

✴︎

✴︎

I might not have felt so empty while telling my child, in a superficial way, "Let's go to a place that accepts you."☺️
I might not have tried to compensate by keeping myself busy or meeting other people.☺️

If I had just said it properly...

If I had been able to show my true self...

No matter how they reacted,

I think my emotional issues would have been resolved and sublimated.

It's natural to have ups and downs in life,
and it's not always going to be fun,


but I want to be my #true self
without forcing things.

✨
🌈

🌏

Yuyu