"I never thought it would happen to me"—Facing an unexpected pregnancy

"The chances of us having children are almost zero."
That’s what I thought, so I only ever imagined a future where the two of us lived together.

We’ve been living together for seven years. It’s not that I didn’t long for a life with children.
But I didn’t think it would ever become a reality, so I gradually started to give up on the idea.

However, one day, that assumption was suddenly overturned.
Mama-chan was pregnant.

Discovering the pregnancy—how I felt at that moment

When the test showed positive, I was surprised.
But strangely, there was no anxiety or confusion; instead of thinking "What should we do?" I thought, "Let’s raise this child."
Both of us naturally arrived at the same conclusion.

We hadn’t been planning for a pregnancy, and we weren’t prepared.
The house we were living in at the time was a bit too small to welcome a child.

Even so, we felt, "If we’ve been blessed with this life, let’s raise it with care."
Since we felt that way, we decided to start preparing little by little from that day on.

From positive feelings to facing anxiety

I think that right after we found out about the pregnancy, our positive feelings were stronger.
From a future as a family of two to a future where our family grows.
Thinking that way, we proceeded with practical preparations.

But as time went on, I increasingly felt the gap between my ideals and reality.
Anxiety about an unforeseen future, and the impatience of wondering if I could suddenly become a parent.
In particular, Mama-chan was becoming a parent more and more as she nurtured a new life inside her.
Watching that by her side, I began to wonder, "Will I really be able to become a proper parent?"

Mama-chan was already a parent before the baby was even born.
On the other hand, I couldn’t quite grasp it yet, and I felt like my awareness as a "parent" wasn’t catching up.

What lies beyond overcoming it

There were days when I felt impatient like that, but now my feelings have settled down.
It’s not that my anxiety has disappeared completely, but I’ve come to think, "Maybe I am getting ready to be a parent, little by little."

Back when I thought we couldn’t have children, I would sometimes think, "I’ll surely regret not having children of my own before I die."
Someone once posted on social media about "what people regret before they die," and ever since then, I’ve been living my days being conscious of what I might regret before I die.
I believe that this child coming to us is a miracle or a gift from God.
I’m sure there will be more times ahead where I’m plagued by anxiety, impatience, or things not going well.
But so that I don’t have any regrets before I die, I want to cherish this miracle we’ve been given.

Now, I truly want to meet my child.
My awareness and responsibility as a parent may deepen even further from here on out.
But I intend to welcome that day by doing what I can, one step at a time.