A gift that came to me when I stopped trying to entertain.

Even though it's a family trip,
for some reason, I feel tired.

It should be fun,
but I'm constantly being considerate.

“I have to make them have fun.”

When I go out with my family,
this feeling always slowly
seeps into my heart.

This day was our first family trip in three years.
Usually, it's just the two of us, a carefree trip.

So, for this long-awaited “all of us together” time,
I found myself bracing for it somewhere.


“I have to bring up topics”
“I have to make them have fun”

When the four of us go out, I always

⚫︎ Pay attention so the conversation doesn't stop
⚫︎ Worry about whether the children are having fun
⚫︎ Feel restless when the atmosphere becomes quiet
⚫︎ Prioritize my family's mood over my own

I was doing these things unconsciously.

Even though I'm with my family,
for some reason, I tense up.

Doesn't that happen to you?
I wonder why.
I was like that for years.

But this time, it was different.

It wasn't that it “wasn't fun,”
but I was someone who didn't

force “this is fun”
on my family,

or on myself.
I was someone who didn't force it.


I didn't try to force myself to be cheerful, and
I didn't try to force the atmosphere to be perfect.

My emotions were completely normal.

I was just there.



Without trying to liven things up,
without being overly considerate,


I was quietly savoring this family time
at my own pace.

Not knowing that at the end of that day,
that unexpected event was waiting.

That night,
after returning from dinner,

while relaxing in our room,
suddenly, large fireworks went off outside the window.

I didn't choose this hotel because there would be fireworks.
Depending on the room's orientation, you might not see them at all.

I didn't go out of my way to see them either.

Just five minutes starting at 7:30 PM.




It was just light that came to mewhere I happened to be.

The light reflecting on the water at night, and

the sound echoing in my eardrums and my stomach.
That vibration,




the me who doesn't try to entertain,the me who can't handle things well,
the me whose emotions are just normal,
I felt with my whole body as if it were accepting me


completely as I am.

Fireworks that were suddenly launched into the April night sky,
only for five minutes, but etched into my heart.

I felt like I had received a special gift.

And there is a me who is able to
properly receive that gift.

Since making up with my inner child,
rather than chasing after things or going to get them,

I have a sense that events come to me.

"Ah, I am no longer just a mother or a wife, I am starting to live for myself.

It is okay for me to enjoy my own life.

In the lingering glow of fireworks that never seem to fade,
this was the family trip where I was finally able to tell myself that.

You don't have to try so hard,
just being there is enough.

You don't have to force the atmosphere to be perfect,
the time to savor is already right there.

The words I want to send to you are

"It is okay for you to just be yourself
right where you are."

Yuka