With an annual income of 12 million yen, a new 35-year mortgage, and a daughter starting school in April, here is why I quietly registered on a 'job change site' today, despite having it all

Last November, I built a custom-designed home. It has a study I'm particular about and a spacious living room for the family to relax in. It's a 35-year mortgage. My daughter will be an elementary school student starting in April, and my younger son is in his middle year of preschool. Just yesterday, my daughter's school bag arrived.

And my current annual income is 12 million yen. I have a background as a Major in the Japan Air Self-Defense Force, and I hold a decent position at a private company.

To the general public, starting a job search in this situation would be called 'insane.' People would say, 'What will you do if you fail?' or 'Are you trying to leave your family destitute?'

But today, I pressed the 'register' button on a job change site with fingers that did not tremble at all. What lies there is not a desire to 'earn more.' It is an intense questioning of myself: 'Was my choice really the right one?'

I will be honest. I may have 'failed' in my first career change.

You might think that an annual income of 12 million yen is a success. But if you hear about my current situation, would you still think it's a success?

'Mr. XX, the font in this document is different from the regulations.' 'Don't make decisions on your own. There are long-standing rules.'

Detailed criticisms fly at me from my older boss almost every day. To him, a veteran with plenty of experience, my 'judgment as a former Major' and 'new proposals' are nothing but noise. All that is required is 'obedience' to run along the existing tracks without a single deviation.

I, who was once entrusted with aircraft worth hundreds of millions of yen and made split-second decisions on the front lines of national defense, now wait 30 minutes just to get permission to send a single email.

I chose the wrong environment. Blinded by the superficial numbers of 'annual income' and 'stability,' I neglected the most important axis: 'how I want to work (autonomy).' I easily fit my career into the frame of 'no experience' and chose an environment where my wings would be clipped.

This 12 million yen is not compensation for my skills. It is a 'hush money' to kill my sense of purpose, stop my thinking, and make me obey in silence.

Watching my daughter excitedly wearing her new school bag, I asked myself, 'Did Daddy build this house just to kill his spirit and endure?'

That can't be right. Protecting a family isn't just about bringing home money. Showing them a father who fully exerts his abilities and lives with pride in his work is the strongest form of education and the best way to 'protect' them.

That is why I am taking action. This is an experiment to test my 'market value.'

At my current company, I am undoubtedly a 'difficult subordinate.' But if I change my environment, there might be a place that needs my 'decision-making ability' and 'crisis management skills.' Or perhaps I am just ignorant of society, and this 'endurance' is the correct answer for a salaryman.

I don't know the answer yet. Honestly, there is no guarantee I can maintain my current annual income.

But I am not a reckless gambler. I will correctly re-translate the abilities I am not able to demonstrate in my current environment into business language. And I will take that directly to a place that seeks a 'partner who can make decisions,' not a place that seeks a 'soldier who wants to be managed.'

As a result, what price will the market put on me? I want to see that with my own eyes.

Starting today, I will begin my activities under the surface. It is a secret from my company.

A 35-year mortgage? I will pay it off by working in a way I can be satisfied with. My daughter who will be an elementary school student in April? I will be able to say with pride, 'Daddy works every day with excitement.'

This is the record of a man who was pretending to have it all while his heart was dying, as he embarks on a journey to find his ideal way of working to show his family the 'pride of being a dad'.

I don't know when it will end or what the outcome will be. If there is anyone out there feeling uneasy about their current way of working, please witness the results of this experiment of mine.