Why do I worry so much about how others feel?
I am someone who is always worried about how others feel.
Just seeing someone's expression cloud over slightly makes my chest feel uneasy.
When the atmosphere in a room is about to get heavy, I end up apologizing first just to be safe...
As an aside, my boss said something to me recently.
"Why don't you try practicing not saying 'I'm sorry'?"
You don't have to apologize when you haven't done anything wrong.
You and I are equals as human beings.
It was such a kind message.
Reading others' expressions too much is not a weakness;
it is simply that your own sensors pick it up as a form of stimulation.
1. Why do I read others' expressions too much?
Our brains have a mechanism that automatically reads the expressions and moods of others.
It is said to be a remnant of a "danger detection sensor" that was necessary for survival.
• Worrying about others' expressions
• Trying to read the room
• Putting yourself last to maintain the atmosphere
These are all reflexive brain responses to the stimuli we pick up.
The reason you "read others' expressions too much" is because
your internal sensors are working more sensitively than other people's.
2. In my case
I basically read people's expressions unconsciously.
Especially in meetings.
I had a meeting with about eight people the other day,
which is just the right number of people to see everyone's expressions (laughs).
That feeling of sensing the atmosphere change because of one person's small comment.
Even if I think I have to do something, I don't know what to say.
I found myself exhausted just by being there.
For you, who are reading this article,
when do you worry about how others feel?
• During meetings
• In front of family
• Replying to LINE messages
I think there are many situations.
3. The side effects of reading expressions and reacting
It is true that it sometimes helps maintain the atmosphere, but
there are also these side effects.
• You lose track of your own true feelings
• You develop a habit of apologizing immediately
• Your heart feels heavy even though your head understands
• You end up exhausted from reacting to the stimuli
And then one day, you suddenly wonder:
"What am I doing every day?"
4. The first step to making your habit of reading expressions an ally
Trying to stop reading expressions isn't really something you can just do, is it?
Instead,
separate others' problems from your own
It's okay to let the fear and uneasiness be.
Just try waiting a little before acting reflexively or speaking.
And then,
"Whose problem is this?"
"Where is the essence of this unsettling atmosphere?"
Ask yourself these questions.
Then, you will gradually be able to choose your own reactions to what is happening.
5. Finally
Reading others' expressions is not a weakness.
Because of that sensitivity,
you can notice others' pain.
You can be kind to others.
And,
you can choose your reaction after you notice.