Perhaps the 'norms' of parenting were created during our own childhoods

Hello, I'm Yun ^^

'You're a child, so it's only natural you do this much'
'No way, that's something the parents should do'

When raising children as a couple, don't you ever think,
'Why do you think that way?'

Even though we are raising the same child,
why are our
'norms' so different?

I recently realized that one of the reasons for this
might lie in
our own childhoods
as well.

This article is for...

In our home, this was clearly reflected in
the question of 'whether or not to have children do chores'

I had always thought,
'If children want to help with chores, they can help if they want to'

But my husband was completely different,
'Since children are also family, it's only natural for them to do chores'

When I was a child,
I received an allowance
when I helped with chores.

Doing the dishes,
folding the laundry,
or cleaning.

Of course, I think I also had a desire to help my mother.

But to be honest, 'I want some pocket money!' was a big part of it!! Haha.

So for me, it wasn't that housework equals things children should do,

but rather that housework equals helping my parents.

On the other hand, my husband's childhood was completely different.

His parents were late coming home from work, so as the eldest child, he had to take care of things around the house.

Cleaning, laundry, and cooking.

It wasn't 'if you do it, you get something,' but rather, you do it to live.

Because he grew up in that environment, my husband can still do all the housework today.

When I heard this story, I thought, 'Ah, that's why!' and it really made sense to me.

My view is, 'Children should help if they want to help.'

My husband's view is, 'Since children are also part of the family, it's natural for them to do housework.'

It wasn't that one way was right and
the other was wrong.

We thought we were deciding for ourselves
'this is what housework is like'.

But in reality, we might have just been
taking what we experienced
as children and assuming it was
'normal'.

When I realized this, I thought that the things
I assumed were 'just normal' in parenting
might actually be coming

from my own childhood.

That's what I thought.

And now, my daughter, who is a high school senior,
is entering a period where she will
gradually start to live on her own.

So, my husband and I decided,
not on 'whether to make her help with chores or not',

but rather,

let's make sure she won't struggle when she starts living on her own

was the answer we reached.

So now, it's not to give her an allowance or for us parents to have an easier time, but so that our daughter can live on her own,

we are having her do the dishes, laundry, cleaning, and so on, little by little.

I also told my daughter,
'You'll need these skills
when you live on your own later.'
She understood and started doing chores little by little.

Then my daughter was convinced,
and she started doing chores
little by little.

It wasn't the way I was
taught when I was a child.

It wasn't the way my husband
did things when he was a child either.

It is a new answer, unique to our family.

When raising children, I'm sure that
'It's normal to be able to do this much,'
'Since they are children, this is something parents should do,'
'Usually, you do it this way'

are phrases that sometimes
suddenly pop into your head.

But those 'norms' might
not be things you chose now,
but rather

things that were formed from experiences
you had a long time ago.

So, I don't think you need to
deny the norms you've held until now.

However,
Why do I think that way?
is a question worth pausing to ask yourself.

By doing so,
you can find an answer that isn't inherited from your parents,
nor someone else's 'correct' way.

What do I want to do now?

A new option like that
might just come into view. ^^

P.S.
For those who thought,
'Maybe I have some 'norms' I'm not even aware of,'

to those who felt that way:

I am offering three free methods to help you notice the 'norms' that are causing you distress
and to lighten your heart. ^^

'I'd like to get to know myself a little better.'

With that feeling in mind, please feel free to
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