Listen to the Voice of Your Body and Mind

A monologue about the body

Have you ever had the experience of suddenly realizing that your body is screaming for help?

The first time I had to face my own body deeply was after giving birth.

Shortly after childbirth, I was hospitalized with subacute thyroiditis, and that was when Hashimoto's disease, which had been hidden in my body all along, was discovered. I believe the signs from my body that I hadn't noticed until then all surfaced at once, triggered by the major event of childbirth.

From then on, my body began to scream little by little.

I have been hospitalized for meningitis. I have also been told I have chronic fatigue syndrome. And now, while living with Hashimoto's disease, Sjögren's syndrome, adenomyosis, and uterine fibroids, I am also going through menopause, spending my days with significant hormonal fluctuations.

Looking back, the most painful time was when I was hospitalized while my children were still small.

Lying in my hospital bed, staring at the ceiling, thoughts would well up: "I can't be by my child's side," "I want to go home soon and hold them," "I am grateful that my mother and husband can look after the children, I am thankful."

What was even more painful might have been the feeling of, "I don't know when this illness will recover," "I know my children will grow up even without me..." "But I'm lonely," "I'm scared," "Why did I get this illness?"

Will I be able to move tomorrow? In a week? In a month? Or will it stay like this...?

The anxiety of not knowing what lies ahead turns into impatience, and eventually into fear.

"I can't do anything for them," "Maybe I won't be able to go back to how I was before." Such thoughts were swirling around in my head.

It is hard enough when your body is in pain, but when the suffering of your "mind" is added to that, you truly have nowhere left to go, don't you?

At that time, I was certainly carrying it all by myself.

As a nurse and as a certified public psychologist, I have always worked to "support the minds and bodies of others." But looking back, perhaps the thing I put off the most was the voice of my own mind and body.

Listening to the voice of my own mind and body every day. It seems obvious, yet it was the most difficult thing to do. It was the illnesses I have had so far that made me realize this.

I would like to write down a few things that I value now.

One is to get enough sleep. Sleep is very important for regulating the nervous system. It is also directly linked to mental stability. I have come to place sleep as my number one "self-care."

The second is to be honest with my own feelings. Rather than the voices of "I should do this" or "I must do this," I have started to listen more to the voice that asks, "How am I feeling right now?"

The third is to give yourself permission. It is okay to rest. It is okay to complain. It is okay not to try your best today. I have become able to say such kind words to myself.

The fourth is to talk to someone about your feelings. Instead of carrying it all alone, try gently sharing even the smallest feelings of "this is hard," "I'm scared," or "I'm lonely" with someone you trust.

Talking does not necessarily provide an answer. It does not mean the illness will be cured immediately, nor that your anxiety will disappear. However, the feeling of having someone "look at it with you" instead of "carrying it alone" is enough to support your heart.

To talk is to bring your feelings out of yourself. And it is to tell yourself, "You are not alone."

Now that I have been on the side of "being listened to," I have felt it anew.
Talking has such great power.

And, to live cherishing the "here and now." Without worrying too much about the future or regretting the past too much, feel the small gratitudes that are right in front of you now.

Illness is painful. But at the same time, it has certainly taught me important things.

If you are reading this article right now and are suffering from physical issues, are in the midst of uncertainty about the future, or have been putting yourself last, please, gently listen to the voice of your own mind and body. And please, try gently sharing that voice with someone you trust.

Because you are not alone.