Believing Love and Worrying Love

Hello, this is Yukki😊

In this note, I share insights to help you realize that your thoughts create your reality through casual everyday events🙆‍♀

Today, I'm going to post a draft that has been sitting in my drafts folder for several months, having missed the right timing to be published (lol)

Since I wrote this over two months ago, my perspective has changed a little, but out of respect for my past self, I'm going to post it as is, except for the part I added at the end (ﾉ≧ڡ≦)hehe♡

I wonder what I was thinking when I wrote this back then...? So, let's take a look (lol)

The theme this time is "Love"🙆‍♀

Recently, there's a lot of interpretation that true love is believing in your child, and that worrying is just a parent's ego, as if worrying love isn't really love at all😅

I had a realization that that in itself might be a judgment, so I'd like to talk about it, mixing in some of my own experiences (lol)

My family upbringing

I am the older of two sisters, and I have the experience of being raised in the exact opposite way from my younger sister.

I was raised receiving only worrying love, while my sister was raised receiving only believing love🤔

Growing up like that, what did we both end up like?

I wanted believing love, so I started seeking freedom. It was like, 'Just believe in me a little and let me be free! I'll be fine... it's suffocating and I want to run away'😖💦

My sister wanted worrying love, so she started doing things that would make people worry about her. It was like, 'Just worry about me a little! You don't care about me at all, do you?'😮‍💨

We both ended up envying each other... that was the situation (bitter laugh)

What I learned from my own parenting experience

Now that I am raising children, what I think is that balance is important.

Love that only trusts is not enough, and love that only worries is not enough either.

Both kinds of love are necessary, and aren't they both true love?

It is true that worrying might be a parent's ego. But is that such a bad thing?

After all, you worry because they are important to you, right?

That comes from love, doesn't it?

Having said that, if you worry too much and dictate everything, or forbid them from doing things because it's dangerous, the child will feel stifled and bored. I understand that painfully well as someone who has experienced it.

Because then they can't experience anything they want to do, right? It makes me wonder if there's any point in being born into this world.

That is where love that trusts becomes necessary.

It is fine to worry. Because children feel loved even when you worry about them. However, at the same time, I want to believe in the child's own ability to survive.

Experience is important in everything. It is a waste to leave things as mere theoretical arguments.

Once you learn something, you can apply it as true knowledge by actually experiencing it.

That is also something I realized after learning and experiencing many things.

When I was a new mother

When I was a beginner at parenting, I feel like I was fully focused on love that worries. My husband is also a worrier, so maybe we only had love that worries (lol).

But children don't turn out the way parents want them to.

When people try to control things that cannot be controlled, they become extremely miserable.

It was still okay when it was just my eldest son. Because he was a child who listened to what I said (lol). The problem was my second son.

My second son was born inheriting the hopes I had abandoned when I was young (lol).

The part about never giving up until he gets what he wants to do and what he wants!! When I was young, I broke. In order to be a good child for my parents. But my second son never breaks lol. (My second son keeps making me realize various things... but that's a story for another time lol)

Tossed about by my second son like that, my soul shaken, I screamed at a situation where no matter how hard I tried, it only became more painful, so I stopped trying and stopped trying to control things.

Well, it'll be fine. After all, no matter what parents say, it's the children themselves who decide.

When you really need help, just ask for it. I'll be there for you then 😃

Expecting me to read your mind... that doesn't work (lol)
If I act out of concern based on speculation, it ends up with us blaming each other when something goes wrong 😅
This is also something I've learned through painful experience (bitter laugh)

So, when you want help, clearly express your intention in words.

Until then, I'll just watch over you.

This became my new educational policy.

The Yuki household lately

Since I changed my policy to the exact opposite and went all-in on believing love, my husband has started worrying about and serving the children even for me 😅

Getting anxious, worrying, and acting based on assumptions, only to get angry when it's not rewarded.
It looks like a lump of self-sacrifice, prioritizing others over oneself.

The reason it looks like this to me is probably because that's how I used to be, and a bit of it still remains 😅

If I look at it neutrally, maybe he's just doing it because he likes to... but it really doesn't look that way to me... 🤔

Thinking that way, I've been spending my time occasionally warning my husband about his overprotectiveness, but...

Suddenly, I realized that I haven't been forgiving myself for the love that worries 👀‼️

I haven't been forgiving myself.

Ah, I see... I haven't forgiven myself for being trapped in worry and sacrificing myself... I only remember the painful feelings.
How dare you throw away my desires until now 😑💢That's what I'm thinking.

It was me who thought self-sacrifice was evil, wasn't it...

That's why I was seeing a reality that affirmed that...

Also, I've always listened to what my parents said, so I absolutely hate being controlled by someone else 😅 lol

That's why I get annoyed when I see people trying to control others (bitter laugh).

And I suppose I also feel guilty that I've done the same thing to my own children...
I used to think, 'You shouldn't do to others what you wouldn't want done to yourself, right?' 😑

Neither one is bad.

Believing is very important. That is an undeniable fact.

But does that mean it's wrong to worry and act out of consideration for others? Not necessarily.

After all, it couldn't be helped because it was a household where you couldn't survive otherwise, and thanks to that, those around you also benefited. At first glance, things seem to run smoothly.

When you're a child, your parent's mood is a matter of life and death...

If you don't listen, I'll kick you out! 😡
If you don't hurry, I'll leave you behind! 😑

When you're threatened like that, the fear of death follows you.
Because on your own, you can't survive yet.

Naturally, you'll watch their face and act based on what you sense to keep them in a good mood 😅
By doing so, you escape the fear of death and even get yourself acknowledged.

Even if you end up thinking, 'This is the right way to live!', that can't be helped.

You might think, 'That's so dramatic' (laughs).
But it is the nature of a child to perceive things that dramatically.
Even if it's an event that seems trivial when looking back as an adult, for the child you were, it was a matter of life and death, and you were deeply hurt.

That becomes trauma, turns into an intense belief, and even now that you're an adult, it continues to appear in the reality before your eyes.

It wants you to notice it, acknowledge it, forgive it, and release it.

Once that is finished, it will stop appearing in your reality.
To be precise, because your heart is no longer shaken when you see it, it looks as if reality has changed 👀

Besides, there are things I've gained thanks to always being considerate and sensing the needs of those around me.

I can understand the feelings of people who live their lives being just as considerate of those around them.

I think my ability to sense a person's mood from their subtle gestures, expressions, or even their writing has been sharpened.

Thanks to that, when my children were babies, I could tell exactly what they wanted by the subtle differences in their crying.

Being able to sense things through people's minute changes is also a strength.

It's painful if you get pushed around by it, but if you can master switching it on and off, it becomes a significant strength.

Perhaps I was born into an environment where I had to be considerate in order to hone this ability...

And thanks to being raised in this environment, I am who I am today.

When I think of it that way, even unpleasant memories turn into gratitude.

Though I'm still not fully convinced yet 😅

I think I've healed quite a bit.

To me from two months ago

Recently, I realized that there was a benefit to feeling the sense of worthlessness that I thought was the root cause, which lay even deeper than that.

I think this is the result of accepting and acknowledging myself, including the parts I thought were bad.

Acknowledging this would have been impossible for the past version of me who was trying to act tough 😅

Once I realized and acknowledged this, it was as if a spell had been lifted, and I stopped being bothered even when my husband got angry at the children.

I plan to write about that too in the near future.

Thank you for reading until the end 😊

If you found this post even a little helpful or interesting, I would be very happy if you could like, follow, or leave a comment (ㅅ´˘`)♡

Well then, that's all for now |*ˊᵕˋ*)੭⁾⁾ See you later ꔛ‬♡