The story of how my husband supported my fandom activities

I mentioned in 'Self-Centered vs. Other-Centered (Part 1)' that a mysterious phenomenon occurred after my husband passed away, and I would like to talk about that story.

I have been supporting a Korean idol group called Super Junior for 14 years.
By the way, today, November 6th, is their 20th anniversary since debut. It is said that if an idol group in Korea lasts for 7 years, that is considered a long time, but they have been going for 20 years.

I became obsessed with them while my husband was battling pancreatic cancer.
If I were to compare them to a Japanese group, they are like Super 8 (Kanjani Eight), idols who can also do comedy.

When I first got into them, they were called 'long-distance idols' because we never knew when they would come to Japan.
Therefore, I went to see them whenever they came to Japan for concerts.
At first, my husband didn't seem very happy that I was so obsessed with them.
Seeing me make friends with other fans on Twitter, meeting them in person at concerts, and interacting with them online, he once told me, 'It pisses me off that only you are having fun.'

My husband had stage 4b pancreatic cancer, what is known as terminal cancer, but he continued to go to work while undergoing treatment.
It wasn't out of jealousy like, 'I'm the one who is sick, yet you're the only one having fun,' but rather he was just purely jealous that I was so absorbed in something.

Before I got into Super Junior, I was obsessed with Korean dramas.
I remember well when 'Winter Sonata' was airing because my second son was two months old and hospitalized, and my husband and I were both obsessed with watching it together.
Therefore, it seems he didn't have any resistance to me getting into Korean content itself.
Just before my husband passed away, he told me, 'I want to see you speaking Korean,' and we even traveled to Korea together.
By the way, I had just started teaching myself Korean, but I could read and write Hangul and hold simple conversations.

During the six years of my husband's battle with illness, I was able to leave the children in my mother's care, but I took care of my husband all by myself.
My husband's sister's family didn't help either.
I acted cheerful because if I showed my husband that I was on the verge of a mental breakdown, I felt like we would both collapse.
I would encourage my husband, who had a low pain tolerance, by egging him on, saying, 'It's okay, it's okay! It doesn't hurt, it doesn't hurt!'
But in reality, my heart was like a water balloon filled to the brim.
A water balloon that would burst if poked. I was in a state where I would just start crying whenever I looked at the sky.

What gave me energy during that time were Super Junior and my friends who were also fans.
Only when I was listening to their songs, watching their live DVDs, or talking to friends on Twitter could I forget about nursing my husband and have time for myself.
My husband noticed this too, so he willingly let me go to their first Tokyo Dome concert.

Right after we traveled to Korea together, my husband developed an intestinal obstruction and was hospitalized.
When his pancreatic cancer was removed, the cancer cells had metastasized to the peritoneum, causing peritoneal dissemination. That dissemination had grown and was compressing his intestines.
My husband had to undergo surgery to remove the intestines and the dissemination.
My husband had said he wanted to go to Korea again, and we had planned to go a few months later, but he apologized that he wouldn't be able to go.
After that, he decided to stop chemotherapy because it was too painful and spent his remaining time at home, but it became mentally difficult for both him and me, so he was admitted to a palliative care hospital. When he was first admitted, he was having intestinal obstructions, but we were told that if he received treatment, he could be discharged. However, he passed away about a month later.

Now, here is the mysterious story I mentioned.
Some time after my husband passed away, I started going to Super Junior concerts and events held in Korea.
I used to drive from my home to Kansai International Airport.
One day, I was driving on the expressway toward the airport, blasting Super Junior songs and singing along.
Then, suddenly, the music stopped. No matter which button I pressed, it wouldn't play.
I happened to look ahead and saw that it was a fork in the expressway.
If I had kept going straight, I would have ended up in Wakayama, and if I had taken the right fork, I would have reached the airport.
If the music hadn't stopped, I think I would have gone all the way to Wakayama without realizing it and missed my flight.
And just before I crossed the bridge leading to the airport, the Sky Gate Bridge, I was able to play the music again.

I was a little panicked by this mysterious phenomenon, but immediately,
'You're going to Korea, right? Don't get too carried away. Are you trying to go to Wakayama?'
I felt as if my husband was saying that to me.

I have heard that invisible forces can cause electrical appliances and audio equipment to malfunction.
This might be called my first spiritual experience, but it wasn't scary at all.

That was the story of my husband who supported my fandom activities even after he passed away.

Thank you for reading.