[Parenting Essay] I kept telling my daughter 'You did your best,' and it came back to me

"Mommy, why are you always angry?"
My daughter said that to me during dinner.

I didn't think I was angry at all.
I had been trying to speak in a gentle voice, and I wasn't yelling or anything.
But when I heard those words, a dull ache spread deep in my chest.

It was true that I had been exhausted every day lately.
Before I knew it, I was saying "I'm so tired" like a habit.
Even though in my heart I wanted to be smiling more, reality just didn't work out that way. My brow was furrowed.

So, I stopped trying to hide it.
"Mommy isn't angry, I'm just a little tired."
When I said that,my daughter nodded slightly and gently stroked my head.

I was surprised.
That was something I always did.

Every day when I picked her up from daycare, I would say, "You did your best today," or "You were so good," and stroke her head.

Coming home from work, I was always worn out, and honestly, I was only thinking about dinner, baths, and getting her to sleep. But,the moment I praised my daughter's efforts, I made sure to look her in the eyes and speak to her.

My daughter remembered that.
Being treated kindly by my daughter made me realize that my feelings had truly reached her.

And I felt like what I had been doing was, just a little bit, rewarded.
I want to treat my child with a smile, but I end up getting irritated,
or I want to give her a big hug, but I just keep rushing her, saying "Hurry up."
Ah, I had no patience again today... those are the days I spend reflecting while looking at her sleeping face.

In the midst of busy days, when there is a small "return" like this, I feel as though everything up until that point is being gently wrapped up.

I want to keep telling her, "You did your best."
Even on days when I have no patience left, I believe that those small words will surely,
at some point, come back to me as well.