A story about how I learned not to blame myself for not being able to keep up with my child's slow pace

I want to properly keep up with my child's pace.
I think that, but I don't always have the emotional capacity for it every day.

Right before we go out.
My daughter starts watering weeds at the entrance.
She stares intently at a stain on the floor,
or doesn't answer when I call out to her.

“I wish you would stop that now.”
“Why does it take so long?”
I feel frustrated with myself for thinking things like that.

At first, I try my best to listen and be there for her.
But after 30 minutes, I get mentally exhausted,
and I end up raising my voice or speaking harshly.

“I wanted to keep up with her.”
“I wanted to be kind.”
I sometimes feel down later thinking about that.

But recently, my feelings have changed a little.

It’s not so much that I’ve “gained more patience,”
but rather that I’ve “come to terms with things in a good way.”

If I try to force my child to move, I end up feeling miserable too.
So, I thought maybe it’s okay to tell her, “I can’t keep up with you today.”

Besides, my daughter has changed a little too.
I feel like she’s been able to move faster than before when I tell her to “hurry up.”
In her own laid-back way, I’m sure she’s trying her best.

I suddenly realized that
the relationship with my child is also a “human relationship.”

My child’s feelings are important.
But it’s okay to value my own feelings, too.

Being kind doesn't mean doing whatever she says.
It’s okay to say “I can’t” when it’s too much.
That, too, will surely be an important lesson for my child.

Things didn't go well today, either.
But I’ve come to be able to think that’s okay.

I can’t keep up with my child’s pace all the time.
But I hope to connect with her heart as much as I can.
I wanted to praise myself a little
for being able to think that way now.

Thank you for reading this far.
I hope you have a wonderful day.