What I Envied Was My Husband's Carefree Nature

The other day, my husband said something like this.

"I'm going to Tokyo next week for a gaming event."

I don't have a problem with him going to the event itself.

I think it's wonderful to have things you love, and sometimes you need a break.

But the moment I heard those words, I felt a sense of unease.

Why did I feel uneasy?

At first, I didn't even know what was causing this feeling.

It's not that I'm against my husband going to Tokyo.

In fact, I want him to go and have a good time.

Even so, my heart felt unsettled.

"Why is that?"

I kept feeling uneasy and bothered by my husband's words and actions.

What I envied wasn't my husband going to Tokyo

After thinking about it for a while, I finally realized.

What I envied wasn't my husband going to Tokyo.

It was my husband's carefree nature.

When I go on a trip, I plan it months in advance.

How are the family's plans?

How is my husband's work?

How is my daughter's schedule?

Will things be okay if I'm not there that day?

I make various adjustments, and finally, I head out.

It happens maybe once a year, if that.

That's why my husband saying, "I'm going to Tokyo next week"

seemed strangely lighthearted.

Of course, I don't think my husband isn't thinking about anything at all.

But to me,

"I want to go"

the freedom to move whenever he feels like it looked dazzling.

There is a reason for feeling uneasy

You tend to want to pretend you don't see those uneasy feelings.

But when you put them into words like I did this time,

"My husband is in the wrong"

isn't the case,

but rather, "I wanted that freedom for myself"

is something I can realize.

Since my child was born, whenever I make plans, my family always comes first.

I don't mind that.

Time with my daughter is precious, and I love my life with my family.

But on the other hand,

"When was the last time I made plans just for myself?"

I also thought.

It wasn't that I envied my husband going to Tokyo.

It was his freedom.

Once I realized that, I felt a little lighter.

Next time, I think I'll try making plans just for myself, too.

Thank you for reading this far.
I hope you have a wonderful day.