Organizing my frustrations as a working mom with a planner made things easier

Don't marital frustrations get more complicated when you try to solve them?

Every time I thought, "It's always me doing everything,"
I would lash out in frustration, leading to a tense atmosphere.

But just by writing it down in my planner before talking to my husband,
my feelings calmed down, and I was even able to see solutions.

Today, I will summarize how to use a planner to resolve marital frustrations.

Lashing out in frustration easily causes marital friction

If you throw your frustrated feelings directly at your partner, the mood turns sour instantly.

My husband gets annoyed, and I'm left with guilt.
In the end, it just makes things difficult for both of us.

"Maybe I was too harsh again."
"But I can't just keep holding it in."

I got even more exhausted from that cycle.

So, I started doing something different.

I vented my feelings to my planner instead of my husband

To put it simply, I started writing my frustrations in my planner.

Before talking to my husband, I go to my planner first.
It feels like I've created a safe place to express my emotions.

This was easier than I thought.

Benefit of writing in a planner ①: You can notice your hidden true feelings

I had always thought, "I'm just frustrated."
But when I wrote it down, I realized that wasn't the only thing.

Deep down behind the frustration, there were feelings like these:

・I was physically tired and wanted to rest
・I wanted some free time on the weekend too
・I felt lonely doing everything by myself
・I wanted to communicate more
・I wanted to be appreciated

"Anger" isn't just anger.
Sometimes, unfulfilled wishes are hidden underneath.

The moment I realized that, I was able to calm down a little.

Benefit of writing in a planner ②: When you can see the problem, you can see the solution

Once I can organize my feelings, my mind starts working like this:

"So, what do I want to do?"

I naturally started thinking about solutions.

For example, things like this:

・Asking for a little free time on the weekend
・Going to bed early tonight to recover
・Trying to communicate a bit more frequently
・Clearly putting the division of roles into words

When frustrations continue, you lose sight of the exit.
But when you write them down, you can see where the blockage is.

And then, you can create a "breakthrough."

Benefit 3 of writing in a planner: I stop taking things out on my husband pointlessly

When I vent my emotions into my planner, I become calm.

As a result, the way I interact with my husband has changed a little.

Instead of "Why are you so free!"
I say, "I'm really tired right now. I want to rest a little."

I've become able to say things like that.

Conversations where you lash out with emotions easily turn into fights.
But when the causes and wishes are organized, it becomes a discussion.

This was a big change for me.

Conversations between husband and wife turned into problem-solving

When I talk after writing in my planner, the way I convey things also changes.

Instead of "It's your fault,"
I say, "I felt this way. It would help if you could do this."

Just by doing that, it seems easier for my husband to listen.

Of course, not every day goes perfectly.
Even so, the number of times things turn hostile has decreased.

Little by little, I also started to feel more at ease.

When you feel frustrated, your feelings are all mixed up

Frustrations between a husband and wife are usually a mix of things like these.

・Anger
・Fatigue
・Loneliness
・Expectations
・Endurance
・How I actually want things to be

Everything gets tangled up, and it becomes exhausting, doesn't it?

At times like that, I recommend taking a moment to organize your thoughts in a planner.

How I used my planner

What I wrote down wasn't anything difficult.

I just wrote these four things down briefly.

1. What happened? (Event)

2. How did I feel? (Emotion)

3. What do I actually want? (Wish)

4. So, what will I do? (Action plan)

Even just doing this much helps clear up your feelings.

And the words you use when talking to your partner will change, too.

You can lighten the frustrations of married life with a planner

"It's always me"
"I'm feeling uncontrollably irritated"

I went through a time when I struggled with thoughts like those, too.

But since I started writing my feelings in a planner,
I became able to see the true nature of my frustrations.

And little by little, I became able to choose ways to make things easier.

If you are currently feeling frustrated in your marriage,
why not try writing it down in your planner once before lashing out?

Just by organizing your heart and mind, tomorrow might change a little.

Thank you for reading this far.
I hope you have a wonderful day.