“A man who cannot protect his virginity cannot protect anything”

“Is it wrong to take pride in being a virgin?” — What we should consider in an era that places too much value on “experience”

The words “virgin” (male) and “virgin” (female) have always carried a certain “weight” in every era.
Sometimes they are used as objects of contempt, while at other times they are celebrated as symbols of purity and innocence.
Regardless, I feel a significant sense of discomfort with the trend of linking the presence or absence of sexual experience to one’s “value as a human being.”

In this article, I would like to take a calm look at the questions: “Is there any need to be ashamed of having no experience?” and “Is it strange to take pride in it?”

■ The discomfort of an era that measures people by “the presence or absence of experience”

In modern society, “experience” is emphasized in every situation.
This is also true in love and sex, where values such as “experienced equals attractive” and “inexperienced equals immature” are shared as if they were self-evident.

However, that way of thinking is extremely one-sided.
Love and sexual intimacy are fundamentally about “how one relates to others” and “what kind of emotional exchange one builds,” and they cannot be measured by frequency, age, or technique.

Psychologically, it has been pointed out that there is no correlation between “the amount of sexual experience” and “human maturity.”
In fact, some research results suggest that people who have sexual experiences at an earlier age are more likely to have unstable relationships with their partners.

■ What lies behind the word “pride”

So, what about the feeling of “taking pride in being a virgin”?
If this is linked to “a sense of superiority” or “exclusion of others,” it becomes nothing more than a competitive mindset or a defensive reaction.
However, if it means “I want to cherish my own choices,” then it is a natural form of self-affirmation.

Choosing a life without having relationships with anyone, or waiting until you meet someone you can love sincerely, are both dignified choices for that individual.

I believe that pride should not be a “flag to compare oneself with others,” but rather a “quiet conviction that one is satisfied with one’s own choices.”

■ The misunderstanding that “sexual experience equals maturity”

There is a culture that treats sexual experience like a “rite of passage.”
However, in reality, “what one feels and how one changes through sex” is different for everyone, and how one accepts and gives meaning to that event is far more important than the presence or absence of experience.

In my observations, even if someone is sexually experienced, if they lack compassion or sincerity toward others, they cannot be called mature.
Conversely, there are certainly people who are inexperienced but can deeply empathize with the hearts of others.

Maturity is not a matter of the “number of experiences,” but of “how one has digested those experiences.”

■ Neither shame nor pride, “neutral” is fine

Ultimately, being a virgin is neither “shame” nor “pride”; it is merely a “state.”
Whether one is proud of it or ashamed of it depends on what kind of philosophy of life that person has and what values they place importance on.

If there is someone who is worried about “not having experience yet,” that is just a stage in the middle of life.
And if there is someone who has the confidence that they are “choosing to stick to it,” that is also a respectable way of life.

What is important is not to determine your own value by the standards of others.

I believe that the attitude of “this is how I want to be right now,” rather than “not yet,” gives a quiet core to one’s way of life.

■ More than experience, it is about what kind of heart you are living with

The idea of dividing people based on whether they have 'experience' or not feels somewhat hollow.
That is because it attempts to measure things that should inherently be discussed in terms of one's state of mind using simple numbers or acts.

Rather than the presence or absence of sexual experience, how one cares for others and how one faces their own body matters more.
Doesn't that reflect a person's 'maturity as a human being' far more accurately?

There is no need to boast, and no need to feel ashamed.
I believe that as long as you are sincere in your choices, that is enough.