Solidify Your Own Foundation
I once received a request for relationship advice.
She had a boyfriend she loved very much.
Because she wanted to make him happy,
she even did things she didn't actually want to do.
Because of that, she was suffering.
While listening to her story,
there was something that concerned me.
It was that her daily life
revolved entirely around him.
If she got a message from him, she was happy.
If she didn't, she felt anxious.
Days she could see him were happy.
Days she couldn't were lonely.
If he was in a bad mood,
she would wonder, "Did I do something?"
If she felt a little distance,
she would try everything to fix it.
When you fall in love,
I think it's natural for your heart to be swayed by the other person.
I might be the same way.
I'd be happy if I got a message from someone I liked,
and I'd feel lonely if they were cold.
But.
When your entire day starts to be determined
by a single reaction from someone else,
love
becomes a little painful.
While listening to her story,
I chose my words carefully as I spoke to her.
But there were things I couldn't convey well.
That has been weighing on me,
and I've been thinking about it in my own way.
These are the words I want to tell her now.
I want you to value your own time more.
Not what he is doing,
but what do you want to do today?
Not what he is thinking,
but how are you feeling right now?
Before you think only about fixing your relationship with him, I want you to return to your own life.
And strongly,
I want to say this:
Let's solidify your own foundation!
____________
In the world of romance,
there are many techniques,
like "how to make them chase you" or
"how to make them obsessed with you."
Delay your replies.
Don't initiate invitations too much.
Create a little distance.
You might read things like that
and think, "I see."
But this is what I think.
Even if you could
make the other person obsessed with you using those methods,
if you yourself
remain at the mercy of the other person's reactions,
in the true sense,
hasn't anything changed?
You feel relieved while you are being chased.
But if the messages decrease even a little,
you become anxious again.
And then again,
you look for new methods.
In that case,
you are always leaving your heart in someone else's hands.
What is necessary
is not to make the other person act the way you want.
It is to create a place within yourself
where you can stand on your own.
You have things you like.
You have things you want to do.
You have people you want to see.
You have work.
You have time to spend alone.
And,
you know what kind of treatment makes you happy.
What kind of relationship feels comfortable.
What makes you sad if it's done to you.
You know that yourself.
That,
is what I consider a "foundation."
It's okay to have someone you like.
It's okay to be obsessed.
It's okay to want to see them.
It's okay to have days when you feel lonely.
But,
liking someone and
giving yourself away are different things.
Just because you didn't get a reply from the other person,
it doesn't mean your value decreases.
Just because you weren't chosen by someone,
it doesn't mean you become an unattractive person.
You don't need to be a happy person only when your love life is going well.
Love
might be something that colors your life.
But,
it is not your life itself.
That is why I,
before learning how to make someone obsessed with me,
want to build a foundation so that I don't sink into the swamp.
And, if there is anyone right now
who is suffering because they are thinking only about someone else,
for once,
I want you to turn your eyes toward yourself instead of the other person.
"What do I want to do now?"
"What kind of relationship do I really want?"
"Besides love, what are the things I want to cherish?"
It's okay if you don't have the answers right away.
From there, little by little,
your own foundation will be built.
Before you become someone who is chased by others.
Before you make someone obsessed with you.
First,
let's solidify your own foundation!💖
Today's song
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