[Complete Analysis] Past Lives | On the kindness of believing that "life has been connected since 8,000 lifetimes ago"

Spoiler Alert

Note: This article contains full spoilers up to the ending.
Note: The paid section includes a structural analysis and a "workshop for looking at your own past lives/past relationships."

Directed and written by Celine Song.
This is her feature film debut.
Starring Greta Lee, Teo Yoo, and John Magaro.
Released in 2023. Runtime: 105 minutes.
Distributed by A24.
Nominated for Best Picture and Best Original Screenplay at the Academy Awards.

This is a must-watch for any audience who loves A24 films.
And, this film was the quietest and deepest movie I have seen in recent years.

Synopsis

The story begins with 12-year-old childhood friends, Hae Sung and Na Young.
Living in Seoul, South Korea, the two shared a faint romantic interest in each other.
However, Na Young's family decides to immigrate to Canada, and the two part ways.

12 years later. Na Young has changed her name to "Nora" and is living as a writer in New York.
She reconnects with Hae Sung through social media.
The two interact via video calls, but due to distance and time differences, their relationship drifts apart again.

Another 12 years later. Nora is married and living in New York with her husband, Arthur.
Then one day, Hae Sung comes to New York to meet her.
A few days spent by three adults, each aware of the other's presence.

And then Hae Sung returns to Korea.
Nora returns to her husband.
Hae Sung and Nora continue their respective lives.

That is all the story is.

Why this film was acclaimed around the world

Past Lives has no flashy incidents, no intense romance, and no clear conclusion.
Yet, critics around the world praised it, and audiences wept.

The reason is likely this:
This film is the first to sincerely visualize the universal emotions toward "people we couldn't be with" or "people we might have been able to be with."

We all have someone who is a "person we might have been able to be with."
An ex-lover, a friend who transferred schools, a childhood neighbor who moved away, or someone we met on social media but never actually met in person.
This film shows us, over the course of two hours, the emotions toward those people that are difficult to put into clear words.

The core of this film: "In-Yun" (Fate/Connection)

Throughout the story, the Korean word "In-Yun" (fate/connection) appears many times.
The scene where Nora explains it to Arthur is memorable.

"In Korea, they say that even just brushing past someone is a connection. Even just sitting next to someone on a train is proof that something happened in 8,000 past lives. The fact that we are married is because we have been connected through thousands of past lives."

This concept is a crucial scene for explaining the East Asian-specific idea of "fate" to English-speaking audiences.
And this concept supports the entire structure of the film.

Hae Sung and Nora's relationship parts at 12, reconnects at 24, and reunites at 36.
Every 12 years, something happens.
This is not a coincidence.
It is the philosophy that "fate" connects the two while changing its form.

What I will write from here on is paid-tier content

This is where the main topic begins.
In the paid section, I will write about the following three points.

1The weight of the choice: "Why did Celine Song have Nora return to her husband?"
Many romance films would either have the two end up together or have them reunite only to part ways again. But this film makes a different choice.

2The structural role of the third character, the husband Arthur
It is not just a story about Hae Sung and Nora. The film is completed by the presence of Arthur.

3A workshop for processing emotions toward "people you couldn't be with"
Drawing from my own experience of divorce and processing all my past relationships, I offer a practical workshop.

[Limited Time Release]

1. The weight of the choice to have Nora return to her husband

In a typical romance film, one of three endings is usually prepared for the relationship between Hae Sung and Nora.

Ending A: The two end up together (Hollywood style)
Nora breaks up with Arthur and chooses a relationship with Hae Sung.

Ending B: Regret after parting (Melodrama style)
Nora chooses Arthur, but realizes at the end that it was a mistake.

Ending C: Ending on an ambiguous note (Art film style)
It ends without the audience knowing how anyone feels.

Celine Song chose none of these.
What she chose was an extremely clear and extremely quiet ending:"Nora returns to Arthur. That was the right choice."

The meaning of this choice

This is an extremely provocative choice for a modern romance film.

In the Hollywood view of romance, believing in a "soulmate" is considered righteous.
Hae Sung is a candidate for "soulmate." They have been connected since they were 12. They have met in 8,000 past lives.
In a Hollywood film, Nora would dump Arthur and choose Hae Sung.

But Celine Song asserts that this is "not the right choice."
Nora's "current life" is with Arthur. Hae Sung is a connection from the past. That is reality.

This is not a total denial of fatalism.
Rather, while acknowledging that fate certainly exists, she is saying:"There is no need to bring all of fate into your current life."

My own example

This is a way of thinking that I deeply understood after experiencing my own divorce.

The time spent with my ex-spouse is certainly a part of my life.
And there was something that could be called a "connection."
But continuing to "bring that connection into my current life" does not benefit anyone.
Past connections should be cherished as past connections, at an appropriate distance.

I am living with a new partner now.
The relationship with her is my current reality.
My relationship with my ex-wife continues through our children, and I cherish that as well.
But I do not confuse the two.

Nora's choice has exactly this same structure.
Not denying past connections, yet prioritizing her current life above all else.

This is an extremely mature and realistic view of love.
And it is an extremely healthy way of processing emotions, unpoisoned by the Hollywood fantasy of a "soulmate."

2. The third character, her husband Arthur

The biggest reason this film is a masterpiece is the way her husband, Arthur, is portrayed.

In a typical romance movie, Arthur would be depicted as an "obstacle."
An obstruction separating the heroine from her fated partner.

But Celine Song does not portray him that way.
Arthur is depicted as a sincere and kind partner who loves Nora from the bottom of his heart.

And he himself has complex feelings about Hae Sung's presence.
He feels jealous. He feels insecure. He even asks himself, "Am I just a man who happened to be in her life?"

These feelings of Arthur's are what make this film a masterpiece.

Arthur's long monologue

In the middle of the story, there is a monologue where Arthur speaks to Nora in bed at night.
"If you could live your life over again, would you choose me?"
"You are Asian, I am white, and we come from completely different places."
"When you speak Korean, I don't understand anything."

Why does this scene hit so hard?
It is because it depicts the realistic structure that affirming the "connection" between Nora and Hae Sung threatens Arthur's existence.

Respecting past connections can lead to being unfaithful to one's current partner.
This is a problem that anyone who has remarried faces.

The attitude Arthur chose

When Hae Sung comes to visit, Arthur tells Nora, "You should go meet him."
He cannot completely erase his jealousy.
But he trusts Nora.
And he does not force her to deny her past connections.

This is the form of "mature love" that this film depicts.
Trying to completely erase past connections is the same as possessiveness.
If you truly love someone, you respect everything about their life (including past connections).

Connecting to my own experience

I, too, have a new partner who respects my relationship with my ex-wife and children.
Although she almost never meets my ex-wife directly, she accepts the time I spend with my children and my communication with my ex-wife without denying them.

This is something I am extremely grateful for.
And it is the exact same structure as Arthur in this film respecting the relationship between Nora and Hae Sung.

When starting a new relationship, some people try to erase everything about the other person's past.
But that is the same as denying half of the other person's life.
If you truly love them, you have no choice but to love them along with their past connections.

Arthur was a man who could do that.
That is why Nora returned to him.
This is the most sincere truth of this film.

3. Exercises to process emotions for people you could not meet

From here on, these are exercises to apply to your own life.

Identifying the "Hae Sung" within yourself

There is probably someone like Hae Sung in your life, too.
Someone you don't see in your daily life anymore, though things didn't necessarily end completely.
Someone you remember from time to time.
Someone you wonder about, thinking, "What if I had made a different choice back then?"

Exercise 1: Write down three people who are your Hae Sung

Write down three people you met in the past who you no longer see, but who remain in your heart.

Examples:

• A classmate from junior high school who you lost touch with after they transferred

• Someone you liked in college but never confessed your feelings to

• A former colleague who you stopped contacting after leaving the job

• An ex-partner

Exercise 2: Write down what kind of "connection" you had with each of them

Write down what kind of "connection" existed between you and that person.

A "connection" does not need to be something fated.
If there is simply the fact that you "shared the same time" or "influenced each other," that is a connection.

Exercise 3: Decide how to "position" that connection in your current life

This is the important part.
Decide for yourself how to position past connections in your current life.

There are three options.

Option A: Resume the connection
Get in touch and start the relationship again.
However, proceed with caution. Do so only to the extent that it does not threaten your current relationship with your partner or family.

Option B: Cherish the connection as "something from the past"
Do not get in touch, but cherish them in your heart.
Acknowledge that "I had this kind of connection with that person," and then focus on your current life.
(This is the choice Nora and Hae Sung made)

Option C: Let go of the connection completely
Organize it as a past connection and stop thinking about it.
This is effective in cases where the relationship ended due to a breakdown, for example.

My own example

In my life, there are several people who are like Hae Sung.

Kikuchi-kun, Tanaka-kun, and Shimazaki-kun, friends from elementary school when I lived in the UK.
Hiroshi, my best friend from high school (who committed suicide).
My band members from university.
Colleagues from when I worked at a restaurant.

How do I face each of them?

• Elementary school friends: I can no longer contact them. But they remain within me as symbols of a "kind world." Option B.

• Hiroshi: I can no longer meet him. I keep the time I spent with him in my heart as an important part of my life. Option B.

• Band members: We keep in touch occasionally. I maintain an appropriate distance in my current life. Option A (weak).

• Former colleagues: Relationships that naturally faded away. I have let them go. Option C.

In this way, "appropriately positioning" each connection is the way to balance the past and the present.

Conclusion: Living in the present while carrying 8,000 past lives

I will write down my conclusion that can be drawn from this film.

Life is a accumulation of past connections.
And even in this very moment, we are creating future connections.

There is no need to deny past connections.
But there is also no need to be bound by past connections and sacrifice your current life.

Just as Nora respected Hae Sung as a "past connection" while returning to Arthur.
We too can live our current lives while carrying all our past relationships.

"Connection" does not necessarily mean being together.
Even just passing each other by is a connection.
Even just sitting next to someone on a train is a connection.

You may not be together in this life with someone you were connected to in 8,000 past lives.
But the fact that the connection "existed" does not disappear.
And that is enough.

This is the quietest and kindest lesson this film has left for us.

A question for the reader

Who is someone you cherish and position as a "past connection" in your life?
And in what form does the in-yeon (connection) with that person remain within you today?

If this resonated with you, please like and follow.
I would be happy if you could share your in-yeon in the comments.

▼ Related Magazine "Films of Divergence | For nights when you think about life's choices"
[I will add a link once the magazine is created]

In the corner of a night cafe, I continue to write these quiet film analyses.