I don't need an answer. There are nights when I just want someone to listen until I can find the words.

A night when something unpleasant happened at work.


Even after returning home,
I keep replaying the day's conversations over and over.


“I shouldn't have said it like that.”
“Why don't they understand?”

Even though work should be over,
in my head, it isn't finished yet.


If I talk to someone,

“Don't worry about it.”
“Why don't you try doing this?”

They immediately give me an answer.


I think they are right.
Even so, something remains inside me.


What I wanted wasn't an answer,
but perhaps it was to have someone help me search for the words to describe feelings I didn't even understand myself.


In the past, I
thought that “listening” and “giving an answer” were the same thing.


Even in 1-on-1 meetings with subordinates, if silence continued, I would ask more questions and talk about my own experiences.


I thought I was doing it for them.


Looking back,
I was the one who couldn't stand the silence, so I filled the gaps with words.


Just conveying my own thoughts
did not help my subordinates find more words.

Every time I had something unpleasant happen at work,

I kept thinking,

“Why don't they understand?”


While I was looking for the answer within the other person,
my mind was consumed by things I couldn't change myself.


At the time, I didn't even know the concepts of a self-centered or other-centered perspective.


All that was in my head
were the emotions of “I'm angry” and “I've had enough.”


Not wanting to repeat the same thing,
I started reading books written about work and human relationships.


Using the ideas I learned from books,
I tried asking myself questions.

What happened?
How did I feel?

What was it that I wanted to value?


When I thought about things by separating them one by one,
my simple “frustration” began to take shape.


I thought I was “angry,” but
in reality, I wanted them to recognize my hard work.


Only after putting it into words
did I sometimes realize what I had been carrying.


I started applying that experience to my 1-on-1s with subordinates.


I repeat the words I hear,

and confirm, “Is this what you mean?”

If they rephrase it, I listen again.


If they fall silent,


I wait until the words come out.
Little by little,


the moments where they spoke in their own words increased.
Even when they find the words,


it doesn't mean the workplace situation or the other person changes immediately.
Even so,


“What was I suffering from?”

“What did I really want to value?”
I can turn my attention to those things.

I can change how I work a little.


I can leave work behind and rest today.
Sometimes, I can find


the next step I can choose for myself.
If there is someone who comes to mind,


I think it's fine to start with just those words: “I don't need an answer, just listen for five minutes.”

There are times when you can talk to someone who has no conflict of interest

about things that are difficult to discuss at work.


While talking to someone who doesn't know the circumstances,
sometimes my own thoughts become words for the first time.


This dialogue I have continued at the company.
Thinking it might be useful outside the company as well,


I created a space where you can sort out your work and relationship frustrations while exchanging writing.


▶ Sort out work frustrations through writing