I must start writing before 'not writing' turns into 'cannot write'

Day 3 of continuing note
This is the threshold of being a 'three-day monk' (someone who gives up easily)

What I felt after doing note for the first time in a while is that my own writing pace has slowed down
Previously, the flow of sentences would come to mind to some extent, but now, nothing comes to mind at all

Come to think of it, the number of times I write in my diary has also decreased recently
When I'm tired, it inevitably becomes a hassle, and sometimes when things don't go well, I don't want to reflect on them

Especially recently, rather than technical failures, I often think 'I wish I had done this' regarding team operations or management, in short, relationships with people
Reflecting on such events is exhausting

If there is a lack of technical knowledge, it's fine to reflect and relearn
If a presentation is hard to understand, I can just improve it to make easier-to-read PowerPoint slides

However, there are many things I don't understand about human relationships
In the first place, other people are incomprehensible

Reflecting within that context, forming hypotheses, and applying them to the next step is exhausting
And even if I form a hypothesis, it might not be correct

Feeling like it was a hassle in that way, I completely stopped writing my diary

However, if the period of not writing continues, the fog in my head grows
Especially, writing out negative aspects like 'Why do I have to do this?' is personally important
Precisely because these are things I can't easily tell people, if I don't vent them in a place like a diary, I will eventually explode

Recently, I had been accumulating that kind of fog, so I tried writing in my diary
But perhaps because the period of not writing was long, my pen wouldn't move at all

My Hobonichi A5 size notebook, which used to be completely filled every day, is only half full
In the first place, I can't find the words to express my feelings

In short, before I knew it, I had gone from a state of 'not writing' to a state of 'cannot write'
No wonder it takes time to write a note

So, thinking that this is truly bad, I restarted my diary and note
Running is exhausting, but writing sentences is not painful

If I can't express my emotions well, the effect of outputting them is thin
The meaning of my diary lies in expressing the fog of 'what on earth is this' through various means

If I can't express it well, the fog just keeps accumulating
If that state continues, the memory in my head runs low, and my performance is always sluggish

A dull mind is fatal for someone in planning
And if I propose a lousy plan and get beaten up, the fog amplifies again
In that case, it's better to quickly regain the power to write things out

Like that, this time too, I've lined up words in a rambling way for 1000 characters
It's more of a winding sentence than a straight one, but well, it can't be helped as it's rehabilitation

Today again, I will create a diary entry to vent my fog after this