[Essay] Shouting a little bit of desire in a corner of note
My usual level of desire
Do you all have desires?
Most people would answer "yes, I have desires." But my current level of desire is something like this.
Financial desire: The more the better, but I don't necessarily want a huge sum of money all at once. Having enough funds to go on a trip is sufficient.
Material desire: None at all. I have no interest in clothing in particular and cannot choose it myself (the only things I can choose are underwear and socks bought at Uniqlo).
Ambition: At this age, I can see my future career path, so I am thinking about wanting to increase my experiences outside of the workplace.
I am rarely driven by desire in my daily life.
It is part of my temperament, but I haven't really had many desires since I was a student; the only thing I was driven by was perhaps wanting a girlfriend (lol).
However, when I analyze myself calmly, I thought to myself that if I don't have desires, I am "somehow a boring person..."
Perhaps it might be more attractive as a human being to have more desires.
But, what isn't there, isn't there... I am a truly boring person (lol).
Desires on note
On the other hand, what about regarding note?
I just haven't shown it on the surface, but deep down in my heart,
"Desire is welling up"
Is that the situation?
When I first started, it was just a diary, so I wasn't conscious of the number of followers or likes at all, but since I started writing essays, poems, and recently short-shorts, the desire to have my articles read has been welling up.
Especially with short-shorts, I want more people to read them, so to increase my fans, I really have to be particular about the numbers.
My current follower count is 821 (at the time of posting).
By my own standards, a 'hit' is a piece that gets about 10% of my follower count in likes.
With around 800 followers, I consider 80 or more to fall into that category.
...Writing it like this makes me feel like I'm obsessed with numbers, which is unpleasant (I do realize that 'number of likes' does not equal 'excellent work'), and I am truly happy just to receive likes and comments regardless of the numbers.
But no matter how many pretty words I line up, I am human after all.
Maybe it's okay to be a little more greedy, at least when it comes to note.
After all, note is the only place I can vent my desires for now (lol).
Speaking of desires, one day, a month after I started note, I was surprised when I read an article by Mamotaro-san.
*Mamotaro-san, I will be quoting your article 😌
'Wait, is it okay to write with such naked desire?'
I couldn't help but chuckle while looking at my smartphone screen.
'No, that's way too straightforward (lol).'
But I still remember that instead of feeling uncomfortable, reading it actually made me feel quite refreshed.
It was an article that made me feel that it's okay to be more honest with myself, and that at least on this note, I can show more of my own desires (I followed them after reading it).
...While I was drafting an article hinting that I have desires, Naseka-san, who I am always indebted to, posted the following article.
*Naseka-san, I will be quoting your article 😌
As Naseka-san says, recognizing and facing one's own desires.
This means acknowledging feelings without lies or deception toward oneself, and while it is quite difficult for me to accept, when the time comes that I can accept them honestly, it might surely be a chance to grow even more.
It is still a bit difficult for me to state my desires as straightforwardly as Mamotaro-san did earlier, but I am thinking of letting my desires out little by little.
If you all have any "desires" that you are keeping bottled up because you can't quite say them, I think that if you try writing about them on note, you will surely receive a lot of empathy from everyone.
There is only a little bit of this year left.
If you have something you want to say, wouldn't it be better to let it all out before the year ends so you can start next year with a fresh feeling?
Lastly, I will try screaming a part of my desire.