[Family Analysis] I'm happy that it feels like what we've been doing has been proven right...

When raising children, aren't there times when you can listen to their thoughts openly, and other times when you clash over opinions or feel troubled by their counterarguments?

In ISD Personality Psychology, personalities are broadly classified into three types—"MOON," "EARTH," and "SUN"—based on differences in values, thought processes, and behavioral patterns.

The family that requested this family analysis consists of six members: the parents, a 22-year-old eldest son, an 18-year-old eldest daughter, a 10-year-old second son, and a 5-year-old second daughter.

The personality analysis results revealed that the parents and the eldest daughter belong to the EARTH group, while the eldest son, second son, and second daughter belong to the SUN group.

It was also discovered that there is no one from the MOON group in this family.

For the mom, the easiest child to raise is the eldest daughter. The ones she clashes with constantly, not understanding what they are thinking at all, are the eldest son, second son, and second daughter.

In contrast to the parents, who dislike waste and always act efficiently, the eldest son, second son, and second daughter are free-spirited and act based on their sensibility and intuition at the time.

It is clearly a stressful situation for everyone, caused by differences in values and behavioral patterns.

Especially with the eldest son, because it was her first time raising a child, she felt anxious and was always thinking logically, believing that everything“must be done this way.”

Even when he said he didn't want to go to school, she would force him to go, saying,“It is absolutely not okay to skip school.”

The second son was also unmanageable. He would tend to withdraw when his opinions weren't accepted.

The 5-year-old second daughter would throw tantrums.

The only one who would listen to the mom's opinions was the eldest daughter, who shares the same values.

The eldest daughter even told her once that she felt lonely because the mom was spending too much time and effort on the eldest and second sons.

Since both parents share the same values, they didn't feel any discomfort in their approach to parenting, but that is likely why the children in the SUN group felt like they were being attacked by both of them.

Through trial and error, they arrived at a change: instead of the barrage of questions they used to ask like "So what?", "Why?", and "And then?", they started listening with empathy, saying things like "Is that so?" and "What happened then?", and the children stopped getting irritated.

I was struck by their comment after receiving this analysis: "I'm happy that it feels like what we've been doing for a long time has been proven right."

I myself remembered being surprised by the differences in values and ways of thinking between me and my son.

My son was already 30 when I found out, but I changed my way of speaking and my attitude, trying to accept his values even now.

As time went on, he started talking so much that I wondered if he had always been this chatty.

I am truly happy to have been able to share this with my client, and I hope that she has been able to accept even a little of the pain she has endured until now, and that she feels a bit more at ease.

There is no good or bad in anything.
Depending on how you perceive things and your state of mind, you can remain in a good mood.

This was another deep learning experience for me, confirming that one guiding principle for this is knowing yourself, as well as knowing, acknowledging, and accepting others.

Thank you.