[Reading Log] A Book on Not Getting Emotional
Hello! This is Yoko.
Today, I'm looking at this.
I am fully aware that I tend to get emotional.
There were so many parts that hit home, as if it were talking about me, haha.
I'd like to introduce the 5 points that caught my attention the most.
✅ The basic rule of emotional control is "ignoring"
The author writes a blog and apparently receives critical emails quite often.
Messages that seem unpleasant are not even looked at in the first place. Even if you accidentally read one, don't bother arguing back.
There are always plenty of things to do every day.
Therefore,ignore!
This is the basic approach.
I couldn't help but laugh.
Apparently, if you just leave things alone and calmly continue doing what you need to do, you'll suddenly encounter something good.
I guess it means to live by your own standards!
✅ Instead of thinking "this is the only way," try thinking "there are many possibilities"
People who are prone to getting emotional tend to take things too literally.
To avoid getting emotional, don't think "it should be like this," but rather "there are various possibilities."
Instead of thinking "They are making a fool of me!", think "Are they making a fool of me? Why would they do that?"
Don't jump to conclusions; just leave things "vague" for the time being.
I thought this was about me.
I'm the type who takes every single word to heart...
It seems it's important to accept the vague zone rather than seeing things as "right or wrong."
As an aside, in Kazuya Yoshii's song "Maru ka Batsu" (Circle or Cross), there is a phrase:
"Always deciding between circle or cross, if you throw it all away, everything feels clear"
is there. My brain was racing with Yoshii's song, wondering if it's a message that you really can't decide things by "right or wrong" (lol).
If you're interested, please give it a listen♪
✅ Learn the "technique of backing down"
Since the law of emotion is to push back, it is also a "law of emotion" that if you are pushed, you will push back.
Even with someone you don't get along with, if they say "I'm sorry," accept it by saying "Oh, it's nothing to apologize for."
Pushing each other won't resolve anything, but if you back down, the other person will stop pushing, which makes things easier.
I pictured the common sight of children being pushed and pushing back.
Even on a crowded train, there were scenes of people being pushed and pushing back, right?
"Sorry for bumping into you." "Yeah, it's okay."
That's all it takes, isn't it?
I can think calmly while writing this, but when I'm actually in the situation, I end up getting emotional. (That's me.)
✅ The way of thinking of people who are always cheerful
When you start thinking "I should do this," your emotions worsen over trivial things.
People who can accept things like "It's late, but it's within the acceptable range, so it's fine" or "The finish is only 60%, but it's great for a first attempt" have sufficient "tolerance for ambiguity."
Don't hold the belief that "it must be perfect."
In other words, it's a way of thinking that allows you to take things loosely, like "Oh well!"
There is a saying that "a little bit of carelessness is just the right amount," and I wonder if that's what it means.
Certainly, Junji Takada doesn't seem to have the "I should do this" mindset and seems to have perfect tolerance for ambiguity.
It's no use throwing around theories of what one "should" do. I'll be careful.
✅ "Just try it" usually works out
Even if you think, "Something bad happened, so maybe I'll get off the train early and go have a beer," some people will start thinking about what comes next, simulating this and that, and end up only imagining bad things, getting annoyed, and having to face those negative emotions.
By "moving for now," you can always turn back if it doesn't work out. No matter what the result is, your emotions will be stimulated far more than someone who thinks about what comes next and doesn't move, and that will brighten your mood.
Always imagining the worst and then giving up because it's too much trouble...
This hits too close to home; it's painful to hear.
Imagining the worst is just making assumptions, isn't it?
Previously, there was a gathering I was debating whether to attend, and I was doing exactly that—simulating the worst-case scenario, finding it a hassle, and thinking about skipping it.
But I also had a desire to go, so I remembered my favorite sayings: "Regret what you did rather than what you didn't do" and "Life is a series of trial and error," and I just went for it!
As a result, I had a great time!
My note is exactly the same; I had unnecessary anxiety, thinking, "I haven't really researched this much, can I actually do it?" but I started it on impulse, thinking, "Let's just start for now!" and it's been almost a month.
I learn something new every day while doing it, and I'm still enjoying it.
I feel glad that I took the plunge and started.
✅ Summary
✔ The basis of emotional control is "ignoring"
✔ Instead of thinking "this is the only way," try thinking "there are many possibilities"
✔ Learn the "art of backing off"
✔ Cheerful people have a tolerance for ambiguity
✔ "Let's just try it for now" usually works out
When I feel like I'm about to get emotional, I want to be able to accept it by thinking, "Well, there are many ways things can be," and learn to deflect things loosely and ambiguously (a wish).
Thank you for reading this far!
It's relatively short and easy to read at 132 pages in total (for the Kindle version), so if you're interested, please give it a read.
See you later!
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