Memories of 'Botan Doro', which I picked up that summer, drawn by its beautiful name

July is ending.
August starts tomorrow.

Summer vacation, Obon, the sound of cicadas.

When that season arrives,
there is a book I sometimes remember.

'Botan Doro' (The Peony Lantern).

This is a story from when I was still in elementary school.

Before summer vacation began,
I was able to borrow a few books
to read during the break
from the school library I attended.

Summer vacation is long,
and being able to borrow a few more than usual
made me, a book lover, very happy.

While gazing at the rows of bookshelves,
I would excitedly choose
what to read during the summer.

Among them, one title
caught my eye.

Botan Doro.

A peony flower.

The light of a lantern.

What a beautiful name.

I didn't know
what kind of story it was.

At that time, I didn't care who wrote it,
I was just drawn to the name.

I took that book
from the shelf.

I borrowed a few other books and went home,
and one day during summer vacation,
I opened the pages of that book.

A while after I started reading,
I was very surprised.

It was completely different from what I had imagined.

It's scary.

I didn't know it was a story like this.

I can't go to the bathroom alone at night.

When I take a bath and wash my hair, I'm sure I'll look back and check many times.

The scene with the sound of wooden clogs was so terrifying that I shivered...

Conversely, I couldn't take my eyes off it.

I wanted to know the ending quickly and feel at ease.

I read it absorbedly, and even though it was scary, I was fascinated by a strange sensation.

However, it wasn't just scary.

It was beautiful.

And it was sad.

I don't know how much I, back then, understood the word 'heartrending'.

It's scary, yet beautiful.

It's terrifying, yet somehow sad.

There was something in that story that I couldn't explain well with the names of emotions I knew until then.

The 'Botan Doro' I read at the time was a book summarized for children.

There were many parts that were quite different from the original work I learned about after becoming an adult.

I don't remember the details of the story anymore.

I don't remember the cover of the book either.

I can't recall what the illustrations were like either.

How old was I when I read that book?

I don't even know that anymore.

And yet.

Peony.

Lantern.

Summer.

And the feeling I had while turning the pages,

that strange fear alone, has remained with me forever.

And not just the fear, but the fact that for some reason, I was captivated.

That sensation has remained with me forever.

Now that I am an adult, I can think about that story using many different words.

Like love.

Like death.

Like obsession.

Like loss.

But for me that summer, such words were unnecessary.

I simply read it.

And my heart was captured.

That was all.

Perhaps, when it comes to reading books, that is all that is needed at first.

Even if you don't know what you received
at that time.

Even if you cannot name it.

Long after it has passed,

'What was that, I wonder?'

you sometimes begin to think.

July ends.

From tomorrow, August.

Soon,
the Obon season will arrive.

That summer,
in the school library,

while imagining the peony flowers and
the light of the lanterns,

thinking it was a beautiful name,
I picked up a book.

That that book would
remain within me like this

for decades to come,
I did not know.

The me of that time
did not yet know.

Once again this year,
summer arrives.

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