Someone's honest words stay close to my life
Today, I finished reading "Diary of a Night Where Nothing Happens" by Tsukito Bunsha.
I encountered the previous work, "My Lonely Sunday," at my favorite bookstore, toibooks, and it left a deep impression on me. It chronicled the Sundays of nameless people from various professions, people I might have passed on the street somewhere.
"Ah, everyone is going through trial and error, trying to figure out how to get into bed with a calm and satisfied heart before the coming Monday."
I read that and chuckled.
This time, "Diary of a Night Where Nothing Happens" is, as expected—or perhaps even more so—a book where nothing happens, yet various thoughts are swirling in the author's mind. Daily worries, memories that suddenly come to mind, thoughts on how to live from here on out, and so on.
Just because nothing happens, they don't exaggerate small things into big ones. They write about the small things they handle every day in their true, original size. I thought it was amazing that there are so many people who can write this honestly.
When I write something, I sometimes feel anxious, wondering if this is really what I thought. Words that often appear in books, or someone else's catchphrases, sometimes slip out, and there are times when I write them down without filtering whether that's really what I wanted to say. It's the same when I'm talking. Every day, I feel, after the words have left my mouth, 'Ah, I should have used these words instead. It's hard to convey things just as they are.'
I felt that the words written in this book were authentic. It gave a stronger impression of being written for oneself rather than for someone else, and that is precisely why it was packed with stories that felt like they were truly by my side, rather than being hypocritical.
When I see honest writing, I feel a sense of coolness. In the actual real world, there are times when you have to tell some lies, and honestly, it's difficult to live while showing your true self without trying to look cool.
But, if only I could be honest within my writing.
I couldn't speak well today either. I couldn't say what I wanted to say. If I could write down those somewhat hazy, frustrated feelings honestly without trying to look cool, I feel like I could accept myself.