Novel | "Serenity Pattern" Episode 57 (Final Episode)

Yu is so close to me right now. A cherry blossom petal drifted down and landed on the very top of Yu's head, looking just like a hair ornament. The gentle shades of pink and white suit Yu so well.
Looking at Yu like this, Ko wonders what would have happened if they hadn't been born as twins, or if they hadn't been able to live together.
Because Yu was there, I was able to show and talk about my weak self, my struggling self, and my self that couldn't quite fit into the society of junior high school. I was able to take time off from school. Even while sobbing and acting a bit out of my mind in front of Grandma Yoshi, I was able to talk about the seeds of my worries.
And neither Yu nor Grandma Yoshi made fun of those fragile sprouts; they watched over me with warm eyes. They tried to do something about those problems. I was just so happy about that. Even though I had wished to keep it all hidden, when I was finally able to release the suffering I had been swallowing all by myself, and when I realized I had been understood, I felt from the bottom of my heart that it was good to have spoken up.
From then on, the idea that things would work out if I just endured it—the belief that I had no choice but to keep bearing it—began to change little by little. I was able to leave my parents' home. The communities I was involved in changed. My home environment changed. That was a major turning point for Ko.
Ko had originally hated being looked at by others. She hated being seen when her face turned red, even up to her ears. She was always worried about the eyes of those around her, thinking they would say something unpleasant or that they would just pick on her for any little thing.
But perhaps that was because she had fewer experiences than others of being looked at with warm eyes, or perhaps it was because she felt that people were trying to hurt her and perceived it that way.
By the time she was in the upper grades of elementary school, her asthma symptoms had almost disappeared, she stopped catching colds, and she stopped picking up the latest illnesses. Since she rarely had to take time off due to physical ailments, she eventually became able to push her heart beyond its limits.
However, the heart also needs to rest periodically. The heart is invisible. Just because it is invisible does not mean nothing is wrong. Of course, just because it is invisible does not mean there are no problems.
I tend to bottle things up until I reach my limit, at which point my emotions explode in anger. Before that happens, I want to try to acknowledge my own unpleasant feelings and make an effort to express them in words.
Because Yu, Grandma Yoshi, and Mom are all people who will understand if I talk to them. I want to make the effort to communicate. For now, I will cherish myself. And eventually, I want to be a source of strength for Yu, Grandma Yoshi, and Mom, even more than they have been for me.

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　If you live, various things will happen. There will be times when your heart cannot be at peace. Amidst the various human patterns and the events of the moment, emotions of many colors will sway. Good things, bad things, and things where you don't know if they are good or bad. But all of them are my own important emotions. I hope I can face every emotion and turn it into nourishment.
　And in this long life, if necessary, I want to incorporate the courage to rest without fear. And I want to view my situation objectively and rebuild.
　Cherry blossom petals flutter and dance on the spring breeze. Pale pink petals, almost white. They float fluffily against the backdrop of the mountain range that stretches out beyond the familiar rice fields. The faint blue of the mountains and the color of the petals are in harmony. If I look further into the distance, the white of the snow on the mountain peaks, the light blue of the sky, and the cotton-like mackerel clouds spreading softly there look like a gradation.

The End