It's not that they 'don't remember.' It's that their 'structure makes them not want to remember.'

Starting with the daily "Are you kidding me?"

There are moments when you can't help but look up to the heavens at a man's "poor memory."

"I told you that last week, didn't I?" "We talked about next week's plans before, right?"

Even when you press them like that, the only response you get is, "Did I say that?" or "I don't remember." Sometimes they even snap back, saying, "I can't remember every little thing." While the sheer level of forgetfulness is enough to make you move past irritation into pure disbelief, it turns out this isn't just about being "forgetful"; there are also medical and neuroscientific reasons for it.

Was the "structure" of the brain different to begin with? There are major differences in the brain's composition and areas of expertise between men and women.

【Differences in the 'corpus callosum' that connects the left and right brain】
Women have a thicker bundle of nerves called the "corpus callosum" that connects the right and left hemispheres, making them adept at moving information back and forth. That's why they can do other tasks while having daily conversations, or remember the context and emotions of a story as a set. On the other hand, men have a thinner one and are basically "single-task" (focused on one screen) types. Even if you talk to them while they are thinking about something else, it isn't even written into their brain's notepad.

【The linkage rate between 'emotion' and 'memory'】
It is said that the coordination between the "hippocampus," which governs memory, and the "amygdala," which governs emotion, is more active in women. While women remember things as a set with the emotions of "I was happy/sad when I was told that at that time," men try to process only facts and data dryly, so it is said that it is difficult for them to retain it as episodic memory.

In other words, they haven't "forgotten"; they are in a state where it "wasn't even saved in their brain's folder in the first place."

The mystery of why they remember data about their hobbies so strangely well

…And so, when you learn the medical reasons, you almost accept it for a moment. But here, a question arises.

"Then why do you remember the fine details of your hobbies, work, or lines from old anime with terrifying precision?"

It's not that they lack brain capacity. In the end, there is no doubt that in addition to medical conditions, an instinctive filter of "whether it is important to me" is at work. The reality is that daily conversations and schedules with family are mercilessly sorted into a "low-priority noise folder" and deleted on the spot.

If you understand the mechanism, you don't have to have expectations

In the past, I used to get angry or hurt, thinking, "Why don't you remember!" or "Maybe I'm not valued." I still get sad now, though... But after understanding the brain's mechanism and the ecology (?) that "they really aren't listening when they are focused," my response has changed.

"Ah, their brain power is off if I say it now." "They are listening without pressing the save button."

Once you see through that, the best thing to do is to leave important things in text on LINE or remind them right before. I realized that expecting them to say "I told you, right?" is just a loss.

Is it unavoidable if it's a difference in structure?

If you say it's a difference in brain structure, I certainly can't argue with that. But my heart isn't broad enough to gently laugh and forgive everything, saying, "It's a difference in structure, so it can't be helped." The feeling of disbelief, "You just don't want to remember, right?" still remains.

However, what changed by knowing the mechanism is my own state of mind. I stopped getting sad or hurt every time, thinking, "They don't remember because I'm not valued." That brain system, which can live lightly by deleting unnecessary information, is in a way a little enviable from the perspective of someone who tends to accumulate daily stress.

I can surely see a future where I will be told confidently again today, "I didn't hear that story?" At times like that, while making a small retort in my heart, "Yes, yes, it's a structural problem," I intend to let it slide gracefully without using extra energy. Do you all have experiences like this?

Thank you for reading until the end!
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