People who start with a negation are at a disadvantage. A recommendation for the Yes/But method.

Hey, look at this outfit, isn't it cute?

No, isn't it a bit plain?

...Wait, is that where the conversation ends!?

Don't you have people around you who bury every topic with a single word like "no" or "but"? It's a bit exhausting to talk to "people who start with a negation," isn't it?
Or perhaps you felt a jolt of recognition, thinking "Maybe I'm like that too." In this article, I will introduce the "Yes/But method" to help you smooth out your interpersonal relationships.

Since this is a famous conversational technique, many of you may already know it, but please feel free to use this as a refresher!

Why is it "exhausting" to deal with people who start with a negation?

Imagine this. You start talking about your favorite fruit, persimmons, with a huge smile on your face.

"I just love persimmons!"

Then, without a moment's hesitation, these words come flying at you.

"No, grapes or apples are better than persimmons. Grapes have polyphenols and antioxidant properties, and apples are rich in vitamins and make your skin beautiful."

...Certainly, grapes and apples might be appealing. However, the moment you are negated with a "no" at the beginning, doesn't your heart "snap" and break?

The desire to respect the other person's opinion is dampened, and the energy to listen to what follows is lost... I'm sure you've had that experience too. It just leaves you with a sense of futility, doesn't it?

What is the magic "Yes/But method"?

So, what should you do? That's where the "Yes/But method" comes in. This is a conversational technique often used in sales where you first affirm the other person's opinion (Yes) and then convey your own (But), but it is also a very useful technique in daily life.

Let's look at the persimmon example from earlier.

"I just love persimmons!"

To this, you respond like this:

"Persimmons are delicious, aren't they? That rich, sweet flavor is irresistible! But grapes and apples are also good. Grapes have polyphenols and antioxidant properties, and apples are rich in vitamins and make your skin beautiful."

How about that? It sounds much softer.

By accepting the other person's opinion first without negating it before conveying your own, it becomes easier for the other person to listen with an open mind, thinking, "Oh, I see!"

Variations of "Yes" depending on the situation

That's fine for persimmons, but what should you do if you cannot agree with the other person's opinion at all? In such cases, let's utilize cushion words.

• "I see, so that is what you think. As for me..."

• "I see, it seems many people think that way these days. As for me..."

In this way, by showing an attitude of respecting the other person's opinion, you can convey your own opinion while avoiding conflict. Even if the content of what you are saying is a negation, the other person can listen to it feeling much better.

Why is the "Yes/But method" effective?

"So what changes? You're saying the same thing, aren't you?"

Some of you may have thought that. However, in communication, not only the content but also the way of conveying it is extremely important. No matter how good the things you say are, how the other person receives them changes significantly depending on who says it and how they say it.

No one wants to listen to someone who doesn't listen to them. Kindness is never wasted. Respecting others will eventually come back around to help you yourself.

Finally...

I myself sometimes end up starting with a negation. Especially with people I am close to, I tend to let my guard down... However, by being conscious of the Yes/But method, I try to build smoother communication.

I hope you all will try the "Yes/But method" in your daily communication as well. It will surely make your human relationships richer.

#YeKu #Communication #YesButMethod #HumanRelationships #Psychology #Notes #SelfImprovement #ConversationSkills #StressFree