You are not special. For those nights when you blame yourself, thinking, 'I have no value in living.'

"Am I not useful to anyone?"
"Am I not needed by anyone?"

So,

"Don't I have any value in living?"

Don't you ever feel that way?

I do...

In particular, because I suffer from a condition called bipolar disorder, I have experienced depressive symptoms many times. And I am in a state where it is highly likely that I will continue to experience painful depressive symptoms in the future.

Symptoms that appear with depression and the like, such as low mood and a sense of lethargy, are called "depressive symptoms."

At such times, in my case, and typically for many people, the thought that "I have no value in living," as I wrote at the beginning, occurs.

This is quite a painful thing, isn't it?

Blaming yourself

Hating yourself for blaming yourself like that

Getting tired of thinking

Becoming unable to do anything

And then, blaming yourself again.

A negative spiral.

But... at such times, "You are not special" can sometimes be a salvation.

"You are just an ordinary person" might be a somewhat dull phrase. But this has great meaning.

For example, when we are walking, we don't think that the people we pass by "have no value in living," do we?

Even when depressive symptoms are severe, and even if you are thinking things like "I wish the world would end," you don't wish misfortune upon everyone you pass by.

Rather, people who are alive, working for others, and living their days to the fullest are dazzling. Compared to myself, they can look like they are shining.

(This is just my personal experience)

'People have a right to live. Just by existing, they have value.'

It's not that such thoughts disappear when I'm ill.
In most cases, I believe that other people are important.

But I become unable to direct that same feeling toward myself.

……Why is that?

One answer might be that
I am 'treating myself as special'
.

Specially inferior.
Specially worthless.
A specially meaningless existence.

That is what I have come to think.

But that can't be right, can it?

No matter who we are, we are all trying desperately to live in the environment we have been placed in.

We want to live, be happy, and if possible, be useful to others and to society.

Even if in reality all you can do is sleep, that is simply the best you can do for yourself in your current situation.

Why would such a person be specially 'worthless'……

That cannot be true.

We are not special.

We are just like everyone else, trying our best to 'live' each day.
Therefore, just like everyone else, we have 'value in living.'

Thinking this way can sometimes save you when you are suffering.

If you, who have read this, ever feel like blaming yourself by saying 'I have no value,' please try to remember this.

We are not special.

We are the same as everyone else.

You are simply trying your best to live in your own way.

I hope that you can live the rest of your life while being a little kinder and more gentle to yourself.

Thank you for reading until the end.

#YeKu #MentalHealth #BipolarDisorder #Depression #SelfEsteem #DifficultyLiving #Essay