Water Surface Psychological Counseling Room #26 "The psychology of being able to answer others' problems but unable to decide anything for yourself" Psychology | HSP | Human Relationships
**Asakura**
Here is today's letter.
Last week, late at night, I received a long LINE message from a friend.
It said that she had reached her limit at work.
I spent thirty minutes writing a reply.
To make sure I didn't blame her.
To make sure I didn't rush her.
But to make sure she knew it was okay to run away.
I chose my words, deleted them, and chose again.
When I pressed the send button, I felt a little relieved.
Because I thought that maybe she would be able to sleep tonight.
After that, I closed the chat screen and went back to my own notes.
There, there is a draft that has been stuck for two weeks.
"By the end of this month—"
I haven't been able to write a single character past that.
Even though I can say it so easily to others,
why can't I say anything to myself?
**Asakura**
Doctor.
Today, it's about this person's story.
**Soma**
People's problems are surprisingly easy to see.
Where they started to suffer.
What they are enduring.
What they are afraid of.
As I listen to them talk, the outline gradually becomes visible.
But when it comes to myself, it suddenly becomes invisible.
This is not because I lack judgment.
It is because I am still standing inside my own story.
You can look at other people's problems from a little distance.
That is why,
"It's okay to rest."
"It's okay to walk away."
"You've done enough."
Such words come out naturally.
But my own story is different.
I can see everything, even the future after making that choice.
If I quit, what will happen to next month's rent?
If I refuse, what kind of face will that person make?
What will the room feel like, being too quiet after I leave?
The reason I cannot choose just the answer is
because I am carrying everything on the other side of the answer with me.
**Asakura**
But Doctor.
Answering other people's consultations is also a responsibility, isn't it?
Why doesn't that become scary?
**Soma**
…There is responsibility.
However, after that person receives my words, they return to their own life.
I don't have to live what comes after that.
My own choices are not like that.
I will have to live every day after I decide.
Besides, other people's consultations have an end.
I listen to the story, give a reply, and the day ends.
But my own worries are in the same place tomorrow.
I wake up in the morning and start again from where I left off.
The reason I can't decide is not because I am a coward.
Only the person who lives the continuation knows the weight of it.
So, there is one thing I want you to try.
Please prepare a piece of paper.
And try writing it like this.
"My friend consulted me."
"She says she is wondering whether to quit her job."
"She says she hasn't been able to write a single character of her draft for two weeks."
Once you have written that much, try writing the continuation.
What would you say to that friend?
**Asakura**
But Doctor.
Even if I write it thinking of myself as a friend,
I know it's about me in the end, right?
Can I really see it from a distance like that?
**Soma**
You can't distance yourself.
You write it while knowing it is you.
…However, when you write it as someone else's story, for some reason, people become a little more polite.
Even though you are writing about the same event, the words of blame decrease.
"Why can't you do it?"
Instead of that,
"You've been suffering for a long time, haven't you?"
Sometimes you can write that.
That is not because you were able to distance yourself.
You just happened to use the way of speaking you use for someone else on yourself.
**Asakura**
So it's not to view yourself objectively,
but to change the way you speak to yourself, right?
**Soma**
Yes.
Even if the answer doesn't change,
the temperature of the voice you direct toward yourself can change.
…However, I will be honest with you.
There are people whose hands stop halfway through this method.
Even if they are writing it as a friend's story, they know it is about themselves.
That is fine.
The place where your hand stopped is probably the place that is hardest to touch.
**Asakura**
In other words…
Before looking for an answer, you are listening to your own story until the end, right?
**Soma**
Yes.
Many people rush to find answers to their own problems.
But sometimes, what is really needed is not an answer.
A person who has had their story listened to until the end
will have a slightly deeper breath, even if no answer comes out.
That is the same for yourself.
You can be kind to others, but you are strict with yourself.
For those people, just once is enough,
please welcome yourself into that chair as "someone who came for a consultation."
The words you have said to someone else,
try placing them on this side today, just a little.
That alone is enough.
**Asakura**
Today's words were,
"Before giving an answer, listen to your own story until the end."
Doctor, thank you again today.
**Soma**
…
**Asakura**
…Doctor?
**Soma**
No.
When you have been running a counseling room for a long time,
this is the one consultation where my reply is always a little late.
**Asakura**…
(Without asking anything, I nod slightly.)
**Soma**
Well.
Shall we close the window?
It has gotten a little cold.
**Asakura**Let's meet again next time at the water's surface.
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