Mizumo Psychological Counseling Room #21: "The Psychology of the Day You Wanted to Stop Being a 'Nice Person'" | Psychology | HSP | Relationships

This program is a counseling room themed as a 'reading radio,' where we take one concern from the letters you send us, and Mio and Soma quietly exchange words while incorporating a psychological perspective.

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The main episode starts here

Mio
“Now, here is today's letter.”

“I have always tried to be kind to people.

If someone is in trouble, I help as much as I can.
If I am asked to do something, I try not to refuse.
If someone seems to be in a bad mood, I endure a little to keep the peace.

That is how I have spent my time.

But lately, I find myself thinking.

I'm tired of being a nice person.

I really want to rest, but I can't say no when asked.
I really don't want to, but I smile anyway.
I'm really hurt, but I think about the other person's circumstances.

And I've become tired of myself for doing that.

Have I become a cold person for thinking this way?

Am I a bad person for wanting to stop being a nice person?”


Mio
“'I'm tired of being a nice person.' Those are very quiet words, but they reveal a deep exhaustion.”

Soma
“Yeah. But I don't think that means you want to become a bad person.”

Mio
“Then, what does it mean?”

Soma
“I think it means you can no longer continue with a kindness that leaves yourself behind.”

🫧 The reason I wanted to be a 'nice person'

Soma
“First of all, the fact that you have tried to be a nice person is not a bad thing.”

Being kind to people.
Thinking about the other person's feelings.
Not being able to leave someone in trouble alone.
Trying not to ruin the atmosphere.

Those are very important strengths.

Being able to notice someone's pain.
Being able to imagine the other person's position.
Not thinking that only you matter.

That kind of kindness is, by nature, very beautiful.

Mio
“Then why does it become so painful?”

Soma
“I think it's because 'being kind' and 'erasing yourself' end up overlapping before you know it.”

You really didn't want to.
You were really tired.
You really wanted to refuse.
You were really a little hurt.

But if you said that, the other person might be troubled.
They might hate you.
They might think you are selfish.

Thinking that, you have put your own feelings on the back burner many times.

At first, it might have been kindness.

But as you continue to swallow your true feelings little by little, it can turn into endurance in the shape of kindness.

Mio
“You may have been making your own inner voice smaller in order to be a 'nice person'.”
Soma

“Yeah. And I don't think the heart can stay silent forever.”

🌙 Wanting to stop being a nice person doesn't mean you've become cold

Mio
“But many people seem to blame themselves for thinking that way.”

Soma
“That's true. The kinder a person is, the more surprised they are by the anger and fatigue that arise within them.”

To think such things.
To feel so much dislike.
To think you don't want to be involved anymore.

Am I narrow-minded?
Have I become colder than before?
Has my kindness disappeared?

That is how they blame themselves.

But anger and discomfort are not bad emotions.

They are signals from your heart telling you,
“It's painful from here on out,”
“I can't take any more than this,”
“I want you to look after me properly too.”
The more someone has endured for a long time,

the more they blame themselves when that signal appears.
But in reality, you haven't become cold.



It might just be that your sense of self-protection is returning little by little.Mio


“Perhaps you don't want to stop being a nice person, but you are tired of being a convenient person.”Soma

“Yeah. I think that difference is very big.”

🌊 The guilt of refusing is the flip side of kindness

Soma
“The kinder a person is, the more likely they are to feel strong guilt about refusing.”

If I refuse when asked, they might think I'm cold.
The other person might be troubled.
It might look like I'm the only one taking it easy.

That's what they think.

But refusing is not an attack.
It is not about disliking the other person either.

It is telling the other person your limits.

Mio
“Some people might be afraid that refusing will break the relationship.”

Soma
“I think so. But a relationship that can only be maintained by pushing yourself will wear you down little by little.”

Accepting everything is not the only form of kindness.

When you are tired,
saying, 'I want to rest a little today.'

When you are not interested,
saying, 'It's difficult this time.'

When you are about to carry all of the other person's emotions,
drawing a line in your heart and saying, 'I can't accept that much.'

That is not coldness.

It is a small courage to not treat yourself poorly.

Mio
“Kindness also needs a place to rest, doesn't it.”

Soma
“That's right. If you keep giving forever, no matter how kind a person is, they will become empty.”

🫧 You can draw a line while remaining kind

Soma
"I think what's important isn't to stop being a good person, but to learn a kind of gentleness that doesn't erase yourself."

It's okay to remain a kind person.
It's okay to remain a compassionate person.
It's okay to remain someone who can notice the pain of others.

But, within that kindness,
it's okay to have boundaries to protect yourself.

Even if asked, it's okay to refuse when you can't.
When you are hurt, it's okay to feel that you are hurt.
When you are tired, it's okay to take a little distance.

That does not mean becoming a bad person.

It means valuing yourself
just as much as you value someone else.

Mio
"So, I don't have to hate myself for not being able to be a 'good person' anymore, right?"

Soma
"Yes. In fact, that might be the moment your heart is trying to return to being your own ally."

The day you wanted to stop being a good person.
That is not the day your kindness disappeared.

I believe it is the day your heart, which you had left behind until now,
finally raised a small voice.

You haven't become cold.
You haven't become a bad person either.

You just wanted to return a little bit of the kindness
you've been using for others back to yourself.

You can draw a line while remaining kind.
You can refuse while remaining compassionate.
You can protect yourself while valuing others.

Please, do not blame yourself for no longer being able to be a 'good person'.

That sense of discomfort might be proof that your heart
is finally trying to return to being your own ally.


Thank you for reading until the end.
Today, please return a little bit of the kindness
you've been directing toward others back to yourself.

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