Minamo Psychological Counseling Room #3 "When people are kind to me, I feel anxious instead"
Asakura
"Now then, here is today's letter.
—
Lately, I feel anxious when people are kind to me.
The kinder they are, the more I think,
"Is there an ulterior motive?"
"Will they hate me later?"
I want to accept it honestly, but my heart puts up its guard.
I hate myself for being like this.
—
Asakura
"So, you're saying kindness is scary...?"
Soma
"Yes. This is also a very common emotional reaction."
—
—
🧠 Anxiety isn't reacting to the "kindness" itself
Soma
"This also looks like you're reacting to 'being treated kindly,' but that's not actually the case."
Asakura
"So it's something else entirely."
Soma
"What you're reacting to is the memory of 'possibly losing it after feeling at ease.'"
Being treated kindly
↓
Heart relaxes a little
↓
"But this peace of mind might not last"
Deep down, this sequence is happening.
So, the reason you feel anxious isn't because you're suspicious or because you have a twisted personality.
It is—
a movement of the heart that knows from past experience that "peace of mind didn't last."
—
—
❤️ The heart tries to return to a "familiar state"
Soma
"The human heart sometimes tries to return to a 'familiar state' rather than 'peace of mind.'"
Asakura
"A familiar state...?"
Soma
"For example,
・You have many experiences of having expectations and getting hurt
・Kindness didn't last long
・Relationships have changed suddenly
When you have those memories,
the heart thinks like this.
'This current peace of mind might turn into pain later.'"
That's why you guard yourself in advance.
You don't fully believe.
You pull your heart back a step.
This is a defense, not a flaw.
—
—
🌊 But here is the important part
Soma
"However, there is a small pitfall here."
Asakura
"A pitfall?"
Soma
"If you keep doubting kindness, you end up losing even the 'peace of mind of this very moment.'"
The other person's feelings are their own domain.
Future events haven't happened yet either.
But the kindness of this very moment,
properly exists 'here and now.'
—
Soma lowers his voice slightly.
"Even if a day comes when you are betrayed, it doesn't mean that 'the kindness of today was a lie.'"
—
—
🌱 You are not weak for putting up your guard
Soma
"The reason you put up your guard against kindness is that it's the reaction of someone who has been truly hurt."
Your heart is protecting you so you don't experience the same pain again.
Asakura
"Then, I don't have to force myself to believe?"
Soma
"Yes. 'Getting used to it little by little' is fine."
You don't have to believe all at once.
But you don't have to turn away all kindness either.
—
The water's surface doesn't become still all of a sudden.
But you will also remember, little by little,
the times when no waves came.
Just by keeping the kindness you received today
in a corner of your heart
as an 'event that hasn't disappeared yet,'
that will surely make the next wave smaller. 🌊
