Water Surface Counseling Room #4: 'True feelings sink before they become a voice' | Psychology | HSP | Relationships
This program is a counseling room themed around a 'reading radio,' where Asakura and Soma quietly exchange words while incorporating psychological perspectives on one of the worries sent in by our listeners.
It is not a time for finding immediate answers, but a time to let the words that have sunk deep into the heart float up to the surface just a little.
Tonight, we begin with one letter.
Asakura
'Now, here is today's letter.'
'I have never been very good at speaking my true feelings since I was young.'
'Even if I have thoughts, when the moment comes, the words don't come out well, or I overthink whether it's okay to say them, and in the end, I often swallow them down, saying things like "I'm fine" or "I don't mind."
'But there were many things I actually wanted to be understood, and I sometimes feel distressed by myself afterward.'
'Why is it that when I try to speak my true feelings, they don't turn into words so well?'
Asakura remained silent for a moment while holding the letter.
'I'm fine.' 'I don't mind.'
It felt like this counseling room had received those words many times.
Asakura
'It's not that they don't have anything they want to say, but when it comes time to convey it, the words unravel.'
Soma
'Yeah. True feelings aren't just about saying exactly what you think out loud, are they?'
Asakura
'This letter is similar to the "I'm fine" one from the first episode.'
Soma
'It is similar. But this time, it might be a story from a little further back.'
Asakura
'Further back?'
Soma
'Before deciding whether to say "I'm fine," the true feelings haven't even taken the form of a voice yet. I think that's the feeling.'
Asakura nodded slightly.
Asakura
'Rather than difficult...'
Soma
'I think it's "scary."'
Soma continued after a short pause.
Soma
'The more important the feelings are, and the more you don't want to lose the relationship, the more cautious people become.'
What if it's conveyed in a strange way?
What if they think I'm heavy?
If I'm rejected, I might not be able to go back to how things were.
The more one thinks that way, the more the words stop right before the mouth.
Soma
'True feelings don't fail to come out because you don't have them. It's because those feelings are too precious.'
Asakura
'Because they are precious, you can't let them out.'
Soma
'Right. If they were cheap, you could offer them as much as you wanted.'
Asakura
'Rather than not being able to say them, it seems like many people overthink the other person's reaction before speaking.'
Soma
'Yeah. I feel like many people who are bad at putting their true feelings into words have a lot of kindness and consideration.'
Will I trouble them if I say this?
Is it better not to ruin the atmosphere?
Will things work out if I just swallow it myself?
By putting my own feelings on the back burner over and over like that,
even if I can feel them,
I remain unaccustomed to conveying them.
Soma
'Not being able to say your true feelings isn't because you're selfish. I think it's the result of having held back your words amidst a kindness that is too considerate of the other person.'
Asakura: "Where do the words we hold back go, I wonder."
Soma: "They don't disappear."
Soma looked out the window.
Soma: "Words that couldn't be spoken don't disappear; they sink."
Asakura received those words quietly.
Things that quietly accumulate beneath the water's surface.
They cannot be seen from the outside.
But they have not ceased to exist.
Asakura: "Besides, there are people who still carry the experience of not being able to communicate well in the past."
Soma: "I think so. They gathered the courage to speak, only to be brushed off. They shared because they wanted to be understood, only to be blamed. They finally opened their mouths, only to have their words received in a way they didn't intend."
When people have such experiences, they learn unconsciously.
If you don't express your true feelings well, you will get hurt.
That it is safer to stay silent than to express them poorly.
Soma: "Then, next time, before they even look for words, the instinct that says 'it's better not to say anything' kicks in."
Asakura: "So there is a reason for not being able to speak one's true feelings."
Soma: "Yes. It's not weakness. It's just that the heart remembers well how it was hurt in the past."
Asakura: "However, some people say that when feelings don't become words, they stop understanding what they are feeling themselves."
Soma: "That doesn't mean they don't have true feelings. It just means their emotions haven't taken the form of words yet."
Human emotions are not organized from the start.
Are you sad, lonely, or frustrated?
Are you angry, or do you just want to be understood?
Even you cannot tell the difference right away.
Especially with feelings that have been suppressed for a long time, even though they are shaking violently inside the heart, when you try to put them into words, you cannot grasp their outline.
Soma: "The deeper things sink, the longer it takes for them to surface. That is all."
Asakura: "Then, what should one do?"
Soma: "You don't have to try to convey them skillfully. You just need to get closer to your own feelings, little by little."
You don't have to speak perfectly from the start.
'Something is bothering me'
'Actually, I was a little lonely'
Starting with words like those is fine.
Soma: "You don't have to speak your true feelings in complete sentences. It's okay if they are fragmented, or if you have to rephrase them. You just need to reach out toward what is submerged."
Asakura: "Just reach out."
Soma: "Yes. It's okay if you can't grab them. It's okay if you don't reach them today. Your heart will remember that you reached out."
A brief silence fell over the studio.
Asakura looked at the water's surface outside the window.
The water at night is dark, and nothing can be seen at the bottom.
However, Asakura felt as if he knew that something was submerged there.
Words that couldn't be said.
Feelings that were swallowed.
True feelings that couldn't be shared with anyone.
They haven't disappeared.
Like a letter that hasn't been read by anyone yet, they are quietly there.
Asakura
"When I try to speak my true feelings, they don't come out as words."
Soma
"That's not because your thoughts are shallow. It's just that because they were things you held onto dearly, they don't float to the surface easily."
Submerged words do not disappear.
Someday, on a day when the light shines, they will float up to the surface.
Until that day, it is okay to hold onto those unspoken feelings without denying them.
Tonight, please just gently look at one of the words that remains submerged within you.
Continued in Episode 5▼
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