My husband's death anniversary. One year since our parting, and I am grateful for everything.

Today is the anniversary of my husband's passing.

It feels like it has been a long time, yet also like it passed in the blink of an eye; a year has gone by since then. After hitting rock bottom and spending time searching for a light in a long, dark cellar, I found small flickers of light and followed them. As I did, I climbed out of that hole, and now I can stand tall and look up at the sky.

I created my account on note on December 1st of last year. I was desperate to calm my heart. Even though I had always lived as one half of a couple, I was suddenly forced to take responsibility for every decision on my own, and I spent my days in a panic. But finally, I have reached a point where I can think, "It's not so bad to be able to decide things for myself."

"Time cures all things."

I am truly feeling that right now.

I can now think of this as a precious year, one filled with many lessons and realizations, even if it was painful.

I am grateful for everything that happened this past year.

Since it is a special day, I will take this opportunity to look back on the past year here. After my husband disappeared from this world leaving so many things unfinished, I began writing whatever I felt to organize my thoughts while I was stunned and didn't know what to do.

Reading it back now, it's a little embarrassing. But since those were my honest feelings at the time, it is probably a good thing that I recorded them. I am writing them down, muttering to myself like a monologue.

It is true that this year had the most painful experiences of my life so far, but I never thought of myself as unfortunate. On the contrary, there were many times when I felt that, despite the pain, I was the happiest person in the world.

At the same time, I still struggle with how to control the sense of loss from losing the husband with whom I shared life's ups and downs for so many years. Every time I recall the simple, everyday moments or our beautiful memories, tears still overflow.

Although my husband is gone, I have learned that the power of my family is immense, so I have no anxiety about the future at all. For a while, I will not rush; I will slowly re-examine myself and weave the time I have been given into a life that is uniquely my own.

Maybe I will even find a new love that would make my late husband jealous from the afterlife. 😂 If I find a compatible partner, I would like to go to a Caribbean resort again. After all, the foam parties at the pool where we acted like fools were so much fun. I hope I can also resume traveling around the world.

I am grateful for life.

Truly, today, a day of gratitude upon gratitude, is my husband's death anniversary.