I Who Couldn't Become a Career Woman | Essay | Music | AI Music

The other day, Kinokoro-san wrote this in the comments section.
The article is here↓

I'll post Kinokoro-san's musician magazine here.

For a long time, I thought I shouldn't 'like' my own articles.

I wonder why.

If I acknowledged them first, it felt like cheating, and I felt a little embarrassed.
Evaluation is something you receive from the outside.
Perhaps I had been holding onto that rule without realizing it.

But, I was told in the comments section.

This one sentence was, for me,
a comment with quite a shockwave.I thought, 'Huh?' and reread it, then realized, 'Oh, that's what it means,' and for a while after that, I thought about various things.

I hadn't really done that before.
In fact, if I accidentally pressed it, I would delete it.
I post on various platforms like Instagram, X, Stand.fm, and YouTube Shorts, but on every medium, I think I was waiting for someone else's evaluation and judging whether it was good or bad somewhere.

Acknowledging my own article myself first.

If I hadn't had those words,
I'm sure that even though I wrote it, published it, and put it here,
I would have kept giving myself an 'X' mark, thinking, 'It's still not enough.'

Changing the subject a little,
AI music is increasing tremendously right now.
Many of my followers are also experts in AI music.

They can finish such high-quality work in a short time.

I have also used the free version of SUNO many times,
and personally, I really enjoy it.

I think it's truly wonderful,
and I believe it has reached a level that can never be treated lightly.

But I can somehow tell the difference between music made by AI and music that isn't.
(This is from the perspective that both have their pros and cons.)
It's not about technical things.
It's not about chord progressions or anything like that,

but about where the breath is placed,
the wavering of the words, or the feeling that the words come out a little late.
I can mostly tell by whether there is human warmth in the song.

AI music is slick and everything is very smooth,
and it progresses pleasantly.
I really think it's amazing,
and there are times when I honestly think, 'I want to create a song like this.'

It's a gaze of admiration.

But somehow, I end up looking for the parts that catch someone's heart.

I can't find the right words, but...

Maybe I'm looking for something with a bit of grit.

The sign of a pause, the trace of a rephrased sentence, the moments when a voice wavers or cracks just a little.

If I were to compare AI music to a person,
it would probably be a high-powered career woman.

Her schedule is managed perfectly from the morning,
tasks are color-coded,
and she doesn't waste time in pointless meetings.
She delivers results in a short time with consistent quality.

As for me, on the other hand,
I spill coffee before meetings,
and say "I'll fix it later" while never actually fixing it.
Then I forget about it,
and even after creating a document, I delete it and open it again the next day.

My songwriting is like that, too.

Actually, I'm a job-hopper.
I've never really been able to stay in one place for long,
and things usually end in a three-year cycle.

I lose track of the right distance in human relationships,
I try way too hard,
and then one day, everything suddenly becomes exhausting,
so I quit.

There have been times when I thought, "I lack the power to keep going",
and times when I thought, "maybe I'm just not cut out for society".

That's why,
I couldn't become the kind of career woman who stays at one company, which I always admired.

But lately, my perspective has changed just a little.
For every place I've left,
I've witnessed the moment the atmosphere shifts.
The indescribable sense of discomfort, the feeling where my body senses "this might not work" before my mind does. That's something I can't write on a resume, but it's certainly useful when I write songs.

And lately, I've been thinking.
Wouldn't it be okay if my songs retained a bit more human warmth and instability?

It's okay if the pitch is a little off,
and it's okay if the rhythm rushes just a tiny bit.
It's okay if the words don't fit perfectly.
I used to try to polish and refine them to make them"proper songs",
but now, I feel like there's a person within that instability.

The way I've decided in my heart that "I won't lose to AI music" and the way I've decided "I won't 'like' my own articles"—I really felt that both of these might have been me trying to pretend to be a "proper version of myself".

Neither of these is about technology,
nor about convenience, nor about quality.

On the other hand, I think that in music,
I'm a little afraid of things being polished too soon.

Being finished before I can get lost,
having an answer before I can waver.
I feel like in that moment, I disappear.

That's why I want to stick to the slower path as much as possible.
Of course, I'm sure there will be songs in the future that use many AI elements.

But,
I want to prioritize the path that leaves traces of detours as much as I can.
I want to play and sing sounds that remain in their wavering state.

So, starting a few days ago,
I've been 'liking' my own articles.
Not because I think "I did a good job," but because "I've made it this far."
I've decided to put a mark of approval on that line.

If it weren't for Kinokoro-san's words,
I think I would have kept marking myself with an X,
even though I've been posting every day for a long time.
But now, instead of an X, I'm trying to mark myself with an O.

That isn't so I can spoil myself.
It is the quietest preparation
for singing while believing in the warmth of others.

The words before they become a song are here again today.
I hope that the sounds, still wavering,
will quietly remain within someone someday.

The top image was borrowed from nt-san.

I hope you have a wonderful day today as well!

May you and I both have the best luck and smiles (^^♪

Every day is a good day.

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