A story about thinking AI would take control of my life | Essay | Music | Singer-Songwriter
At first, I was afraid of AI.
It felt like it would take control of my life.
I felt like everything would be dominated by AI,
and that I would lose myself.
I'm not naturally good at deep thinking, so
if things kept going that way,
from the moment I woke up in the morning,
“I recommend you spend your day like this” and I'd be told things like that,
and while still half-asleep,
“okay” I'd end up replying.
A future where if I open the fridge,
“You ate the same thing yesterday, too”
is what I'd be told.
That might be
correct, but I felt like I didn't like it.
A world where the answer comes out before you even think.
That, honestly, was scary.
But now,
it's not someone who decides my life,
but is becoming a partner
who listens to what I have to say.
At the very least, it won't
decide my life for me.
Sometimes with people,
“You said that before, didn't you?”
they reply calmly,
and it can be a bit startling.
Because AI will respond affirmatively no matter how many times I ask,
my self-esteem might just be skyrocketing.
I don't want to hear the correct answer.
Like, how can I succeed?
Or, which one should I choose so I don't make a mistake?
I didn't want to collect model answers like that.
I just wanted to organize
my feelings before they turned into words.
It's not enough to tell someone.
But I don't want to pretend it never happened.
To confirm those
small feelings of discomfort, or things that get stuck, or
the tremors before they become sound.
I was just throwing that at the AI anyway.
Throwing it, looking at the words that came back, and
being able to recognize, 'Oh, this is the language of my current feelings.'
Maybe I was just using it as a sounding board.
Saying, 'I am here again today.'
Before I knew it,
I had been using AI quite a lot over the past year.
Ideas that could become music.
Words before they become lyrics.
The trivial events of daily life.
Sorting out emotions.
A feeling of setting them aside for a moment.
So that I don't
let them spin around only inside myself.
Sometimes
'Isn't this just a diary?'
I thought, but I still threw them at the AI.
Recently, Sugar was doing something like this on Instagram, so I copied it and
tried throwing this prompt at it.
'From all the conversation logs you remember from 2025, please articulate my greatest strengths and the challenges I have been unconsciously avoiding from a psychological perspective.'
Reading the words that came back,
I felt they were more accurate than I had expected.
What was written as a strength was
the ability to articulate my inner desires.
The ability to give meaning to events and emotions, and place them as value.
It is true that I
might not leave my emotions unattended.
I am forgetful about many things, but
when I take the time, I feel like I remember
the emotions I felt in the past quite clearly.
I realized that this is utilized in my lyrics.
Instead of leaving them vague,
perhaps I am trying to pick them up, put them into words, and then
pass them on to the next place.
That is an unconscious habit,
and it was probably
a necessary way for me to survive until now.
On the other hand,
what was cited as a challenge I had been unconsciously avoiding was,
the act of
'just experiencing' emotions.
The raw sensations before they are put into words.
Before meaning is attached.
Before it becomes value.
A state of not yet being anyone.
I seem to have passed through that stage
a little too quickly, perhaps due to my impatience.
That is not a bad thing, but
I am sure I put it into words before I could fully feel it.
To protect myself. To keep from breaking.
Recently,
“What kind of artist do you want to be?”
I was asked, and
“I want them to shed tears and cry”
I felt a sense of discomfort with the shallow words I had spoken.
When I summarized that thought again using AI,
perhaps I want the listeners
to encounter the emotions I passed by back then.
It doesn't have to be a big cry.
You might not even need a handkerchief.
Just enough to remember, 'Oh, that happened.'
It came back to me that that level of emotion is fine.
The feeling that I have been raising an AI.
That is half true, and the other half is,
I think this past year has also been about me
nurturing the vessel that handles my own emotions.
The AI that I was initially afraid of has now become someone
I can entrust with words before they become songs.
And, my life, which I was intimidated by AI about at the beginning,
is still under my own initiative.
For now,
I haven't adopted any 'recommended life plans',
and even if a 'recommended something' comes along,
I think I'll be fine because I can apply
my own way of thinking to it.
This is
not just a story about AI,
not just a story about music,
and it's not such a grand story that it could be called a philosophy of life.
In the end,
if asked what this story is about,
it's not something that needs to be summarized at such length,
but I feel it was a story about how I have handled
the words before they become songs.
I borrowed today's top image from Uta-san.
Have a wonderful day today as well!
May you and I both have the best luck and smiles (^^♪
Every day is a good day.
I have been active as a singer-songwriter since June 11, 2025.
I would be happy if there is something that stays with you from this story.
I also have a magazine where I collect words that haven't yet become songs, fragments of daily life.
Feel free to check it out when you feel like it.
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