[3-Minute Novel] The Closest, Yet Farthest Special Seat | Stop This Night - JUJU

It has been exactly 10 years this year since we met at age 20. People around us have called us everything from an "old married couple" to "best friends beyond gender."

We complain to each other about our partners and drink until morning on the nights we get dumped. Of course, there were times when we each had partners, but strangely, there was never a period where we both had partners at the same time.

"We're basically like family, aren't we?"

He would say that with a laugh, and I would nod with a look that said, "Nothing more, nothing less." But in truth, I was the only one who had been secretly harboring feelings for him.

I just didn't want to lose him by protecting the safe title of best friend. I had simply kept a tight lid on my own romantic feelings so that I could remain the "woman he felt most comfortable with" in his life.

On the autumn of our 10th year, I wandered into an izakaya on my way home from work. As usual, I ordered a highball, and while we were making idle chatter, he suddenly set his glass down.

"I've decided to get married."

For a moment, my mind went blank. A cold pain, as if a sharp blade had gouged deep into my chest, shot through me.

"What! You're kidding, right!? Coooooongratulations!!"

I clapped my hands loudly, as if to disguise the fact that my voice had cracked. To hide the sound of my heart pounding so loudly, I gulped down my cold highball. My throat burned as if it were on fire.

“Wait, am I the first one you told? I’m so happy! That’s family for you!”
“I’m glad you’re happy for me.”

He smiled with a look that seemed somewhat relieved, yet slightly complicated. He watched me as I picked up the pace of my drinking, without saying a word.

We left the bar and headed toward the station on the night road.
A chilly wind blew against my neck. Just before the ticket gate, I stopped and was about to wave with a smile, saying, "See you, congratulations for real," when it happened.

"…Before I proposed."

He said, suddenly lowering his tone.

"When I was getting married, I thought about which one of you I should marry, you or her."

In the silence of the night, only his voice rang out with startling clarity.

(Why…)

Why are you saying that now?
Why didn't you choose me?
Didn't you actually realize how much I loved you?

I desperately swallowed the scream that was rising to the back of my throat.
If I said, 'Then choose me' here, this relationship I've protected for ten years, and all my efforts, would all be destroyed.

"Haha, what are you saying! You're way too drunk!"

I tried my best to laugh it off brightly. But I couldn't bring myself to look at his face. I didn't want him to see my tears.

"Well then, be happy."

I turned my back and went through the ticket gate without looking back even once.

──That night was the last time I saw him.
Our message exchanges eventually faded away, and I saw the wedding photos on social media.

Several years have passed since then, and I am still single.
When I go to that izakaya, the cold air of that autumn night and the bitterness of the highball come back to me.

If only that night, instead of laughing it off, I had grabbed his sleeve.
If I had cried and held him back, saying 'Choose me,' would anything have changed?

Or was that kindness just a cruel joke?

I won't look for the answer anymore. Because I am still in the middle of my journey.