#281_"Why 'Too Kind People' Get Exhausted in Relationships"

Why is it that
those who are most considerate of others
are the most prone to exhaustion in relationships?

In this issue, we will delve into
the dangerous structure where kindness
turns directly into a burden.

—

Kind people are easily liked in relationships.
They can read the room.
They can consider the other person's feelings.
They cannot leave someone in trouble alone.
If the atmosphere seems like it might turn sour, they will even endure a little discomfort themselves to smooth things over.

At first glance, this is a very admirable trait.
In fact, there are many situations where people are saved because such individuals exist.
Whether at work, at home, or in friendships, the atmosphere is less likely to break because of kind people.
Relationships run more smoothly.

But in reality,
the kinder a person is, the sooner they get tired in relationships.

This is because it is not that they are tired because they are kind, but rather
because they are prone to shouldering the entire cost of the relationship through their kindness.

If the other person is in a bad mood, they worry.
If someone speaks harshly, they wonder if they were the one at fault.
If asked for something, they cannot refuse.
Even if it is a bit of a stretch, they say "I'm fine."
They prioritize the other person's convenience and put their own feelings on the back burner.

When this is repeated,
kindness is no longer a virtue, but gradually becomes a "burden."

And what makes it troublesome is that
the kinder a person is, the harder it is for them to recognize that burden as a burden.
"This is normal."
"I'm just overthinking it."
"The other person is having a hard time, too."
That is how they convince themselves.

But their heart is being worn down all the same.

They actually didn't want to do it.
They were actually tired.
They actually wanted to keep their distance.
Even so, if they continue to be kind,
patience slowly accumulates within them.

And then one day, socializing suddenly becomes exhausting.
Replying to messages becomes a chore.
Plans to meet become heavy.
They lose the capacity to be kind.
Things they were able to do normally until then suddenly become painful.

From the perspective of those around them,
"You've suddenly become cold."
"What's wrong?"
they might say.

But for the person themselves, it is not sudden.
They have just been quietly wearing down for a long time.

The reason why overly kind people get exhausted is that
because they value relationships too much,
they use their own emotions as a cost to maintain those relationships.

Originally, relationships are meant to be supported by both sides.
It is not meant to be a situation where only one side is being considerate, only one side is enduring, and only one side is constantly fixing the atmosphere.
But overly kind people will endure even when that balance is broken.

This is where it gets dangerous.

What is needed is not to abandon kindness.
It is not to become cold, either.
What is needed is
to draw a line for your kindness.

Do not respond to everything.
Say "no" to things that are impossible.
Do not carry the burden of the other person's mood.
Even if you notice something, you don't always have to be the one to act.
That is just about right.

What a kind person should protect
is not just the atmosphere around them.
The space in their own heart is just as important.

Overly kind people do not get exhausted because they are weak.
Rather, it is precisely because they have the power to show kindness that they end up showing too much.
Therefore, what is needed is not to try harder, but
to decide for yourself how far you can be kind.

When you can hold that line,
you can finally
become not a "kind person who gets exhausted"
but a "person who can maintain kindness for a long time."

—

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#282
"Why 'People Who Worry Too Much' Are Always Tired"

Why is it that
those who take people's expressions and words too deeply
are prone to feeling drained every day?

Next time, we will delve into
the difficult structure where sensitivity
turns directly into the difficulty of living.