#165 Even when you act for someone else, your worth is not determined by their reaction

Acting for the sake of someone else is not a bad thing

I want someone to be happy.
I want to be of help to someone.
I want to see someone enjoying themselves.

I think it is natural for me to act with those thoughts in mind.

Whether in work, play, or relationships,
"I wonder if they will be happy if I do this,"
"I wonder if everyone will enjoy themselves if we have this time,"
when I imagine things like that, I sometimes feel energy welling up from within me.

Therefore, for me, "for someone else" is by no means just a platitude.
Rather, it has become an important source of energy for me to start moving.

But there is no need to determine your worth by their reaction

However, there is one thing I want to be careful about here.

Acting for someone else and
determining your own worth by the other person's reaction are different things.

It makes me happy if the other person is pleased.
It feels rewarding if they say "thank you."
If there is a reaction, I can feel that it was worth doing.

I think that is a natural emotion.

But just because the reaction was lukewarm,
it does not mean that my actions were meaningless.

Just because they were not as happy as I had hoped,
it does not mean that my worth has decreased.

What is important is not so much how the other person reacted, but
whether I was able to cherish what I wanted to cherish.

If you lose sight of that, "for someone else" gradually becomes painful.

"Wanting to make someone happy" and "wanting to be recognized" are similar but different

I think the feeling of wanting someone to be happy is a warm one.

However, before you know it, that can turn into
"I feel anxious if they aren't happy"
"If there's no reaction, I feel like I've been rejected"
"If I'm not properly appreciated, it's all for nothing."

When that happens, the focus of your actions shifts from the other person's happiness to how you are perceived.

"Wanting to make someone happy" and "wanting to be recognized" are close to each other.
That is precisely why I want to carefully distinguish between them within myself.

Am I truly acting for the other person?
Or am I just trying to reassure myself through their reaction?

This question is a bit painful.
But it is also a question I want to keep in mind.

Determine your worth by what you value

Did I manage to cherish what I wanted to cherish?

Lately, I've been thinking that this perspective is important for me.

Whether the other person is happy is, of course, important.
But that is not something you can control on your own.

There is the other person's state of mind.
There is timing.
There is how they receive it.
Sometimes, your intentions don't come across exactly as you meant them.

That is why it becomes painful if you entrust your own worth to the reactions of others.

Your worth is not determined by someone else's reaction.
What did you value, and how did you act?
I want to return to that.

Acting for someone else is also your own voice

Acting for someone else does not mean erasing yourself.

Rather, I think it's something you naturally want to do when the conscience and passion within you
overlap with someone else's troubles or their desire to be happy.

Things you want to cherish.
Things that naturally give you energy.
Things where you can relatively demonstrate your strengths.
And things that are needed by those around you.

When those things overlap,
"This is what I want to do"
"There is meaning in me doing this"
is what you can think.

That might be your own voice.

Accept the reaction. But do not entrust your worth to it.

If you are acting for someone else, you want to value their reaction.

If they are happy, you are genuinely glad. If it didn't reach them, you can use that for next time. If the reaction was different from what you expected, you can use it as an opportunity to understand them better.

But do not entrust your own worth to it.

Acting for someone else. Imagining the look on someone's face when they are happy. Cherishing what you want to cherish.

I want to hold all of that within myself.

It is natural to be swayed by someone's reaction. But that is not where you should return in the end.

Did I manage to cherish what I wanted to cherish?

If you hold this question, I believe that acting for someone else will not be a source of pain, but will become an action that gives shape to your own voice.