#158 Thinking about the difference between expectations and imposition

Sometimes, what you intend as an expectation becomes an imposition

I don't think having expectations of others is a bad thing.

In fact, it is often because of expectations that
people are able to move forward.

"I believe you can do it"
"I want to entrust this to you"
"You should be able to show more of your potential"

By being told things like that,
you can sometimes discover potential you hadn't noticed yourself.

However, on the other hand,
what you intend as an expectation
can sometimes turn into an imposition before you know it.

Where does that line lie?

I've been thinking about that lately.

Expectations begin with looking at the other person

I think expectations
begin with looking closely at the other person.

What do they value? When do they perform at their best? What kind of words help them look forward? What state are they in right now? What do they truly want to become?

If you try to pass on only "what you want them to become"
without trying to see those things,
it moves closer to an imposition rather than an expectation.

Expectation is seeing the other person's potential.

Imposition is
making the other person carry your own ideals.

I feel that this difference
is quite significant.

"You can do it" can sometimes become a burden

"You can do it."

These words have the power to encourage people.

However, if used incorrectly, they can also become words that corner the other person.

When the other person is not yet ready. When it is in a direction different from what they desire. When you are saying it without looking at their current state.

In such times, "You can do it" is not encouragement, but pressure to meet expectations.

That is precisely why I want to be a little careful when using those words.

I think what is important is not "because I think so," but "whether the other person also wants to move in that direction."

Imposition means losing sight of where the other person is right now

When it becomes an imposition, you might think you are looking at the other person's future.

I want you to grow more. I want you to have more confidence. I want you to demonstrate more of your potential.

That feeling itself is by no means a bad thing.

But if you look too much at the future, you may lose sight of where the other person is right now.

What are they struggling with now? What are they feeling anxious about? What do they not yet understand? Does the person even want to move in that direction in the first place?

If you push them forward without looking at those things, the other person might feel that they are not being seen for who they are.

Expectation is looking at the future. But at the same time, it is also about properly looking at the other person's present.

Expectations require dialogue

I don't think expectations are something you give unilaterally.

"I want you to become like this." "I want to entrust this to you." "I see potential in this."

It is important to convey that.

But that is not the end of it.

How did the other person receive it?
What does the person themselves think?
Is there any anxiety there?
Is there any sense of discomfort?
Can they make it their own words?

Only after talking that far,
do expectations enter the other person.

Expectations are not orders.
Expectations are not evaluations.
Expectations are not tools to manipulate others.

Expectations are,
I believe, a dialogue to discover the other person's potential together.

The person who has expectations also needs resolve

If you are going to have expectations of someone,
I think the person having the expectations also needs resolve.

It is not over once you have conveyed your expectations.

Talk again when the other person is lost.
Do not give up on them immediately when things do not go well.
Prepare the environment if necessary.
Search for a way forward that is true to them together.

Expectations are,
not just leaving things to the other person,
but also continuing to be involved so that they can perform at their best.

If you say "I have expectations of you"
but then leave everything to them,
that might be a bit irresponsible.

If you truly have expectations,
you need to look at things together,
including the other person's pace and struggles.

The boundary between expectations and imposition

If I were to organize the difference between expectations and imposition
in my own way right now, it would be this.

Expectations are seeing the other person's potential.
Imposition is projecting your own ideals onto them.

Expectations are listening to the other person's will.
Imposition is leaving the other person's will behind.

Expectations are respecting where the other person is right now.
Imposition is denying who the other person is right now.

Expectation is searching together.
Imposition is forcing a predetermined answer.

I want to keep this difference in mind.

In conclusion

Having expectations of others is not a bad thing.

Having someone see potential in you
can sometimes change your life a little.

You might discover strengths you hadn't noticed yourself,
or receive the spark needed to take a step forward.

That is why
you don't need to be too afraid of having expectations itself.

However, when you have expectations,
you should truly see the other person.

Look at who they are now,
listen to their intentions,
and search for a future that is uniquely theirs together.

Instead of imposing, "I want you to be like this,"
offer, "I think you have this kind of potential within you."

And leave it to them whether or not to accept it.

Expectation,
rather than being a tool to change someone,
might be like a light that helps that person realize their own potential.

I want to be the kind of person who can have expectations in that way.