I Forgot How to Dress Up While Caregiving
There was a time when I was working full-time
while caring for my father.
What I lost during this time.
That was,
the act of dressing up.
Even though I used to love dressing up,
I had forgotten how to do it.
Caregiving is
a constant battle against time.
There was no time
to worry about myself.
The commute from my parents' house to work was
about two hours.
Before leaving for work,
I would prepare my father's breakfast.
On days when there was no day service,
I would also prepare lunch.
I would offer water and rice
at my mother's Buddhist altar.
I would open the shutters.
On trash days,
I would gather the trash
and take it to the collection point.
For myself, I would
wash my face,
brush my teeth,
apply lotion and cream,
and put on sunscreen.
Finally, I would pat on
some face powder.
I would apply eyebrow makeup and mascara,
and put on lipstick.
That was it.
As for clothes,
I wore a dress I could put on in seconds.
Pull it over my head,
and done!
From washing my face to getting dressed,
it took about 15 minutes.
I lived like this
for two and a half years.
Caregiving at home became difficult, so
my father moved into a facility.
Finally,
I am able to have time for myself.
Up until now,
I have worked hard at caregiving, so
I thought, 'From now on, I will live for myself.'
Originally,
I loved dressing up, but
now that I try to dress up,
I don't know how to do it anymore.
For two and a half years,
partly due to the COVID-19 pandemic,
I bought all my clothes
from co-op catalogs.
All I chose
were dresses I could just pull over my head.
The boutique in Omotesando
that sold imported goods
where I used to shop before COVID
has closed, and I don't even know
where I should buy clothes.
Even when I walk past a shop,
I think, 'With these mail-order clothes...'
and I hesitate
even to step inside.
Because I don't have clothes I like,
I feel like I have 'nothing to wear.'
So, I buy more through mail order.
Clothes I don't like
kept piling up in my closet.
Before, I had so many
clothes I loved
that it was hard to choose.
Where are my favorite clothes
sold?
To begin with,
I don't know what my favorite clothes are,
or what looks good on me.
In these mail-order dresses I don't like,
I don't even feel like putting on makeup.
I am becoming
more and more frumpy.
At times like that,
I found a
total beauty course.
It covers skincare, makeup,
hairstyles,
and fashion in general,
a three-month online course.
At first,
I felt so unfashionable that
taking selfies was painful.
No matter what I wore,
it just felt off.
Even when I went shopping for clothes,
I didn't know what to buy,
so I would send photos to the instructor
and ask, "Should I buy this?
Or should I pass?"
I would ask things like that.
But,
three months later,
I was able to enjoy
fashion again.
And then,
a junior colleague at work said,
"Nishikawa-san, you look
more stylish than before, don't you?"
Hearing that,
"I knew it!"
I felt really good.
Furthermore,
a former boss I hadn't seen in a while said,
"You've cleaned up nicely.
Shall we go get some sushi?"
And he
treated me to sushi.
I am so glad that I gathered the courage
to get professional help
back then.
Thank you for reading
until the end!
After retirement, I graduated from being a company employee
and started preparing to work
using my experience.
For example,
creating content related to health and beauty
for the menopause generation.
I want to aim to be an elderly person who says, "I spend my time and money on things I love, not on medical care," and I want to make that the norm in society.
When I say that, people tell me, "You can't do that," "You should save your money," or "You should keep working as a contract employee after retirement" (laughs).
But I'm going to ignore them and do it anyway!
3 years, 10 months, and 13 days until retirement.
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