[Love Warning] The Avoidant Man is a "Drunk Locked in the Bathroom"—What is the True Identity of the Man You Can't Connect With?
"Why can't this person understand what I'm saying?"
"I'm trying to face him, but he stays locked in his shell..."
"I have no idea what he's thinking..."
Have you ever met a man like that?
✳️ There is a "common pattern" for people like this👇
👉 Summary of Anxious, Avoidant, Anxious-Avoidant, and Secure Attachment Styles in Love
This time, we're looking at the "Avoidant" type, which causes women so much trouble.
To describe their structure in one phrase—they are a "drunk locked in the bathroom."
▼ Click here for the audio version of this article (YouTube) (Released 11/29)
What is an Avoidant type?
The Avoidant type is one of the four patterns in attachment theory.
Avoidant (Dismissive-Avoidant)
About 1 in 4 people overall
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Characteristics:
Tendency to avoid intimacy and keep distance
Prioritizes independence and freedom
Feels burdened when others rely on them
Love: Even if they seem kind on the surface, they are quick to run away if you try to get too close
This pattern is said to be common in men, and just like the Anxious-Avoidant type—it exists regardless of social status, whether they are handsome or successful.
Avoidant = "The structure of a drunk locked in the bathroom"
At their core, Avoidant men are "cowards."
Afraid of intimacy
Afraid of being relied upon
Afraid of their weaknesses being exposed
That's why they look cool at first glance, but in reality, they are just timid and dedicated to "running away."
They aren't bravely maintaining solitude; they are just scared and hiding away.
🚪 Locked in → Won't come out of the bathroom (avoiding intimacy)
🤢 Status Unknown → You don't know what he's doing inside (he cannot put his emotions into words)
🔇 Unable to Communicate → Because he's like a drunk, your voice doesn't reach him (your words—whether affection or questions—don't get through)
⏳ Wasted Time → Only the person waiting for him to come out gets exhausted
🌀 Self-Processing Loop → He's just in there purging (bottling up his own fear and anxiety)
"Even if you call out from the outside, it doesn't reach him" = exactly a "structure where neither affection nor questions can enter".
The dividing line between Anxious-Avoidant = "Cockroach Structure"
Both "Avoidant" and "Anxious-Avoidant" are groups with "unstable attachment," but they are divided by differences in childhood experiences.
🔹 Dismissive-Avoidant
Often raised in childhood with "Don't show emotions" and "Do it yourself"
Parents were cold or neglectful → The child learns that "relying on others = being rejected"
Result: A value system that says "It's safer to be alone than to rely on people"
As an adult: Avoids intimacy, looks cool, but is a coward on the inside
🔹 Fearful-Avoidant (Disorganized)
Often experiences in childhood that "the person who loves me = also a scary person" (e.g., parents are kind sometimes, but suddenly yell / abuse or trauma experiences)
The child harbors the contradiction of "wanting to get close but being afraid"
Result: The face of an anxious type who "wants to be loved" and the face of an avoidant type who "wants to run away because it's scary" coexist
As an adult: A rollercoaster where they say "I want to see you" with words, but run away with their actions
Both are the result of "attachment not developing stably," but they divide into
Neglect-based → Dismissive-Avoidant
Contradiction/Trauma-based → Fearful-Avoidant
.
Both are kind at first
Of course, both types are kind at first, but the reasons are different.
🔹 Commonality: Kind at First
To be accepted by the other person
Because they want to show themselves as a "good person"
Because it is easy to act in the early stages of a relationship
🔹 The Initial Kindness of the Avoidant Type
It feels like they are fulfilling a social role where "romance equals obligation"
Since it is just the flow of dating, they are being kind "by the manual"
But at the root, they find "intimacy troublesome," so it doesn't last long
→ Kindness is "superficial and minimal"
🔹 The Initial Kindness of the Anxious-Avoidant Type
Deep down, they truly have a desire to "connect"
But at the same time, they are "afraid of getting too close and getting hurt"
So they approach as if they are serious at first → then run away when things get deep
→ Kindness is "high-intensity but unstable"
✦ Summary of Differences
Avoidant Type = Initially "safely kind" → gradually fades away
Anxious-Avoidant Type = Initially "highly intense and kind" → suddenly disappears when you get close
Personally, because they lift a woman's heart with high intensity at first, I find anxious-avoidant men to be more troublesome, which is why I have named them the 'strong cockroach'.
Differences between the Avoidant and Anxious-Avoidant types
Are they aware of it themselves?
Unlike the anxious-avoidant type, avoidant men are often aware of their tendencies to some extent.
Examples of what avoidant types are aware of
"I'm not good at relying on others."
"I'm more comfortable being alone."
"Relationships are a hassle."
"Being depended on feels heavy."
The person themselves is aware of this "desire to keep distance."
That is why it is not uncommon for them to say things like, "I'm not cut out for relationships" or "Work is my priority."
However—
they find it difficult to notice the true "cowardly" part deep within their emotions (i.e., fear of intimacy, fear of showing their own weaknesses).
They tend to justify it with "superficial reasons" they can explain logically (work, hobbies, being busy).
They are unconsciously bound by the value that "relying on others is uncool."
As a result, while the person may seem "self-aware," they often fail to touch upon the real reasons.
It is exactly like a drunk person who cannot realize they are drunk.
Avoidant type → Can become "aware of it" (can talk about superficial reasons).
Anxious-avoidant type → Full of contradictions to begin with, and even they are confused (almost no self-awareness).
That is why, from the perspective of the person dating them, it feels like "the avoidant type is still easier to understand."
The trap women fall into
"Desperately trying to persuade a drunk person"—if you think about it calmly, it's pointless, isn't it?
You are talking seriously, but the other person is wasted and not listening.
They said "I want to see you" yesterday, but they've completely forgotten by the next day.
The same things repeat, and there is no real progress.
In the end, you are the only one who is tired and worn out.
Exactly like a drunk locked in the bathroom.
The more loving a woman is, the more she mistakenly thinks, "Maybe he'll come out if I support him?" or "Maybe he's just acting tough."
But unless he faces his own fears, the door will never open.
After all—he's a drunk.
To you
Avoidant type = a drunk locked in the bathroom.
It's useless for us to knock desperately. There is no need to wait.
I myself have met avoidant men. Of course, they were firmly locked inside (laughs).
There was a time when I hoped, "Maybe he'll come out if I stay happy like Amaterasu Omikami?"—but of course, it was useless.
Amaterasu Omikami is a goddess, so it's a big problem if she doesn't come out, but it doesn't matter if an avoidant man doesn't come out.
In fact, even if he does come out, he can't do much (bitter laugh).
That is why you don't have to wait.
Please use that time and love for your own future, not for a "drunk locked inside."
If you are currently struggling with hesitation, thinking, "I know, but I can't break it off" or "I keep repeating the same pattern," why not sort it out with me?
In my withchat session, I help translate the "structure" of your unconscious love and talent, and work with you to unravel "why you keep repeating this pattern."
Articles that help you realize things just by reading them are good, but a session that directly translates you is faster and has a deeper effect.
Please, use your heart and time—not for knocking on a drunk, but for your own future.
🌀 "I know, but it doesn't go well"
If you have that repetition.
The problem isn't the technique or the other person,
it might be in a premise you haven't seen yet.
👉Why you "know, but cannot change"
満たされない人に足りないのは、もっと頑張ることじゃない。The anxiety of the AI era,
the exhaustion of repetition,
and the lingering "is this okay?"
Even though you think about it properly,
for some reason, you don't move forward.
That all comes from the same single misalignment.
Choose just one that resonates with you👇
👉For those who feel unfulfilled
🪞When you still feel stuck
"I understand, but nothing changes."
If you feel that way,
why don't we take a look together?
There is a reason
for that feeling.
👉 Identify where the misalignment is in 15 minutes