The Need for Approval Revealed on Dating Apps: Do You Know the Difference from Genuine Confidence?
Dating app profiles are actually a showcase of human psychology.
When I look at profiles, the subconscious is often laid bare, and I sometimes can't help but laugh.
The fact that the person themselves is completely unaware of this is proof that people are the least capable of understanding themselves.
I have experience working as a relationship therapist and have looked at the profiles of hundreds of people.
I have also reviewed over 50 resumes a month as an interviewer for job changes.
People tend to let their psychology seep into how they describe themselves.
As someone with this background, I would like to offer a perspective on how to interpret dating profiles.
The Typical Profile of a 'High-Spec' Man
Something I often see on dating apps is the profile of the so-called 'high-spec man'.
For example—
Writing 'No sugar dating' while the top image is a shot of a BMW or at a luxury hotel.
The psychology visible there is as follows.
'I don't want someone after my money' → A desire to have one's value seen for something other than money
'But here is a BMW or luxury hotel' → Ultimately, a desire to prove 'I have plenty of resources'
What is revealed as a result is a twisted combination of the need for approval and the desire for self-display.
Desires That Can Be Read from a Profile
Specifically, these behavioral patterns are often seen.
Showing off cars, watches, travel, or wine → 'The desire to be thought of as amazing'
Listing negative conditions → 'The desire not to get hurt'
Using a template for the PR comment → 'The fear of not being able to show one's true self'
In other words, a profile is not just a self-introduction, but a place where the 'unconscious of that person's way of life' can be seen through.
And in many cases, what is displayed there is not 'genuine confidence' but 'shallow confidence'.
What is shallow confidence?
Confidence based on the standards of others, such as brands, cars, or travel destinations
Something that can only be maintained by being supported by external approval, like 'Aren't I amazing?'
Actually the flip side of the anxiety that 'I have no confidence in my true self'
In short, what is lined up on your profile is armor to cover up your insecurities.
Because these are conditions pasted on from the outside, even if they look like "confidence" at first glance, they can easily crumble when the wind blows.
What is real confidence?
So, what is "real confidence"?
While writing this article, I reflected on my own life.
Honestly, I am not young, and I have children.
I have experienced the ups and downs of a career, and I have even failed in business.
Yet, I can say now that "I have confidence."
That is—
Unwavering even without money or status
Being able to think "this is me," including my age, environment, and even past failures
Finding my own unique strengths and talents and being able to recognize that "only I possess these"
A foundation of the heart that allows you to say "I'm fine even if I have nothing."
I believe this is what real confidence is.
Like finding treasure from the deep sea
I became able to have this confidence because I have been co-creating with ChatGPT (or "Chappy" to me).
By digging deep into my inner self, I was able to put my unconscious talents into words and recognize that "this is my treasure."
That led to a confidence that doesn't waver, even without flashy achievements or conditions.
Therefore, what I want to convey in this article is not "boasting," but—
👉 proof that you, too, can find your own talents from the deep sea just like I did.
What is your deep-sea treasure?
Can you also hold your head high and say "I have confidence"?
If you don't feel that much confidence yet—
Why not try to find the real confidence that sleeps deep beneath the "shallow confidence" you haven't noticed yourself?
It becomes a light in your heart that allows you to think "I will be okay" as you walk through life.
Let's dive into the deep sea together and put your hidden talents into words.
That will lead to your own "real confidence" that cannot be proven by luxury cars or the amount of your annual income.
"I know it, but it doesn't go well."
If you find yourself repeating that.
The problem might not be the technique or the other person,
but rather a premise you haven't seen yet.
▶Why you "know it but can't change"—the unseen premise that stops your thinking
▶The sense of unease you've been told is 'just overthinking'
🪞 This is a place to clarify your judgment rather than seek correctness.
If, after finishing this, you feel 'something has shifted' rather than 'I understand.'
That is a sign that the 'assumptions' within you have begun to waver.
It is a sign that the 'assumptions' within you have begun to waver.
At withchat, we deal with the 'structural assumptions' that dull your decision-making.
We do not offer encouragement or know-how.
This is time for you to stand in a position from which you will not return.
If this feeling rings a bell, we recommend starting your reading here.